


the tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks (and the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts)

by BadIdeasMakeHilariousStories



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Abby? Has a crush on both Ellie and Dina, Dina? Thirsting for her gf and her new crush, Ellie? Loves her gf but also wants to kiss her new bro, Established Relationship, F/F, Lev? Tired™, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:22:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 62,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26381815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadIdeasMakeHilariousStories/pseuds/BadIdeasMakeHilariousStories
Summary: If Abby was never a Firefly, and her story started with finding Lev.
Relationships: Abby & JJ, Abby & Lev (The Last of Us), Abby/Dina, Abby/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina & JJ (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie & JJ (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Dina/Abby
Comments: 191
Kudos: 278





	1. part i

**Author's Note:**

> me: *finishes playing tlou 2* cool but wouldn't it be better if all the attractive ladies just dated each other instead of murder
> 
> title from Hardest of Hearts by Florence and the Machine

“Wow, these walls are almost as impenetrable as your emotional ones.”

“I will leave you out here.”

Lev tossed his head back and laughed. Abby cracked a small smile too, but it had less to do with the joke and more to do with where they were.

A safe settlement, finally. No militaristic ideals, no weird fucked-up cults, just a safe, normal little town. Abby had heard rumors about settlements like these, but more often than not they ended up being long abandoned or worse- traps set by groups of hunters to steal from and kill and wandering people looking for a place to rest. Abby had been hesitant to take a chance on this place, but there was no denying that a life constantly on the road wasn’t beneficial for Lev, and she was growing more weary with each day. They needed a safe place to settle down, at least for a while.

And here, on a sunny day in Wyoming, it seemed like they had found it.

“Jackson,” Lev said aloud. “Who’d’ve guessed this one would be real?”

“Real or not, we still have to figure out a way in. See any gates or anything?”

“Nope. Any sentry posts up on the walls?”

Abby looked up, squinting against the sun shining in her eyes. “Don’t see any. Must not be the front of the place. We’ll have to walk along the wall until we see a way in or a sentry to alert.”

“What if they shoot us on sight?” Lev asked. His tone was casual, but Abby leveled a wary look at the walls. 

“We’ll deal with that if we have to, but we’re gonna try something new.”

“What?”

“Hoping for the best. C’mon.” Abby pulled Lev into her side, ruffling his hair. “Let’s see if we can get to the entrance. Which way do you think we should go?”

Lev studied the wall for a moment, tilting his head to the side before straightening. “Left.”

“Left it is,” Abby agreed. “Let’s get walking.”

The pair began to amble along the wall in silence. Neither was feeling particularly rushed, having not encountered any infected in a day or two, and it was hard to feel anxious with the good weather and safety so close by.

“You think there are kids there?” Lev asked suddenly. Abby looked over at him, but his eyes remained on the ground just ahead of his feet.

Oh, Abby thought. Self-conscious? That was a new look on Lev.

“There might be,” she answered carefully. “Do you want there to be?”

“I miss Yara,” he replied simply. “She’d want me to make friends.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Friends my age. You could probably use some too.”

“Ouch,” Abby said playfully. Lev made no response. She decided to try a different tactic. “Do you want to make friends? Not just because Yara would want you to?”

“I dunno. If I did, would I have to tell them about me?”

“I heard that is usually a part of making friends. But you don’t have to tell them more than you feel comfortable with.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Not even about the Scars-“

“Seraphites.”

“Seraphites. Sorry.”

Lev tilted his head, contemplating. “I don’t mind telling them about that. Not all of it, but I could talk about some.”

“Ok.” The kid was braver than her. Abby had no intentions of ever speaking about her time with the Wolves. She was starting over, starting anew. That didn’t have to be her anymore.

“I don’t want to tell anyone about what my name used to be.”

“Your name is Lev, they just always got it wrong. And you don’t have to tell anyone.”

“I don’t?”

“Fuck no,” Abby said, feeling a burst of protectiveness in her chest. “If anyone tries to bring it up, you tell them to come hassle me, I’ll hassle them right back.”

“Hassle?”

“You know, like, irritate, or annoy. If someone’s hassling you, they’re giving you a rough time.”

“Weird word.”

“I guess.”

More silence. Abby was comfortable with it. Quiet was always a luxury in the crowded Wolf compound, so finding a place to be alone with her thoughts felt like discovering an unspoiled chocolate bar somewhere. Lev tended to be quiet, only really speaking when he had a question or had a joke at Abby’s expense to make. Although, she didn’t mind when the kid talked, not as much as when Mel or Nora would-

Burning docks. Blood. Screams. 

No. Not thinking about them. Never thinking about them.

Abby was pulled out of her attempts to make her mind go blank when Lev tugged at her sleeve. “Did you hear that?”

“What?”

“Sounded like footsteps.”

Abby pushed Lev against the wall, drawing her weapon and turning her back to him in one fluid motion. She kept her eyes trained on the forest next to the wall even as she spoke. 

“How many? Where?”

“Straight ahead. Sounds like one. Broke a branch, then stopped.”

Abby held her gun out in front of her with a practiced ease. It was empty, but whoever was there didn’t have to know that. “Come out with your hands up and I won’t shoot.”

There was no answer. Abby stepped forward, hands steady. “One more chance. I got a lot riding on living through today and I’m really not in the mood for any bullshit. Out of the forest, hands up, or a bullet in your skull. Your choice.”

A voice rang out, clear and almost- teasing? “You know, that wouldn’t work if I was an infected.”

“Come out!”

“Put the gun away.”

“Why should I?” Abby called back.

“You want entry to Jackson, right?” A different voice called out, slightly to the right of the first. Abby whipped towards its source. “We can help you with that, as long as neither of you are Infected and you don’t shoot us. Or, you know, anyone else.”

Abby looked to Lev. He shrugged.

Her call. Always, always it was her fucking call.

She lowered the gun.

“Good choice.” Two girls emerged from the trees, hands up in placating gestures. One was smaller than the other, with much darker hair. Her face was nearly expressionless, and Abby felt the tingle she always got in her spine when she was being assessed. 

The other girl was both taller and bulkier than the first. She had auburn hair and her posture was more casual, a relaxed grin on her face. 

“New in town?”

“Something like that,” Abby said. “You can get us in?”

“Sure, Jackson’s happy to have new citizens. Follow us.”

“How do we know you aren’t lying?” Lev piped up.

“Uh… that’s a good question.” The taller girl looked to her friend, who shrugged.

“You’ll just have to trust us.”

Abby looked at Lev, who was seeming reluctant. “Yes or no? We could take them if we had to.”

“Could not,” the taller girl mumbled childishly. Lev thought for a moment.

“What are your names?”

“I’m Dina,” the shorter girl said. “And this dumbass is Ellie. I would say she’s not always like this, but I’d hate to lie to you so quickly. What are your names?”

Lev lifted his chin, as if daring Dina to find fault with it. “I’m Lev.”

“Lev. That’s a cool name,” Ellie said, easy grin never faltering. “Also, really neat bow you got there. You any good with it?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Nice! Mine got messed up on my last patrol, broke it on a runner’s head. But I miss it all the time, it’s useful to have a quiet long-range weapon, and silencers can be rough to make in a pinch.”

Lev brightened considerably. “You broke your bow on a runner?”

“Yeah, I was out of arrows and had to use it like a bat. Wouldn’t advise it.”

“S’ cool though.”

“Thanks, kid. Who’s your quiet friend?”

Abby narrowed her eyes. “Not quiet. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“All the different ways to gut you.”

The shorter girl- Dina, Abby thought, looked properly unnerved by her threat. She let her hand drift closer to her weapon, and moved to stand just slightly in front of Ellie. A loyal friend, Abby noted absentmindedly.

Ellie just raised an eyebrow. “Any particularly cool ways?”

“Rusty screwdriver.”

“Gross. Come on, we’re wasting daylight. Gate’s just about twenty minutes this way.”

Ellie grabbed Dina’s hand and turned her back to Abby and Lev, beginning to walk ahead of them down the path by the wall.

Lev looked at Abby, snorted, and began to follow them. “Don’t have to be mean to everyone we meet.”

“Kinda do,” Abby shot back, even as she hitched her backpack higher on her shoulders and set off after him.

—————————————————————————————————

Jackson was incredible. Lev’s head was on a constant swivel as Ellie and Dina led them through the town, and even Abby was impressed by the sheer impossibility of the place. 

It was a real town. Not like the Wolf compound, all one giant stadium. There were full houses everywhere Abby looked, and people to fill them. They moved about the streets, talking, laughing, and just going about their days. Few spared any glances for Abby and Lev, and those who did just nodded and went on their way.

“This is…” Lev breathed out, looking at the buildings and people all around him.

“Yeah,” Abby replied when he trailed off. “It’s pretty awesome.”

“What are all these strings over the buildings?”

“Those are called string lights. There’s little bulbs on each of them, they help keep the streets lit at night,” Dina answered. “You’ll see them on after sunset, they’re pretty.”

“Yeah.” Lev stared up at the string lights. Abby found herself fighting off a smile at the awe on his face. 

“We’ll give you the full tour after we introduce you to Tommy and Maria. They kinda run things around here. They’ll find a place for you to stay until we can get you your own house,” Ellie said.

“It probably won’t be too long, there are a few vacant places right now. Pretty sure Eugene’s house is still-“ Dina suddenly went pale, stopping in her tracks. She held a hand firmly to her stomach, leaning forward as if off-balance.

Ellie was at her side in an instant, one hand on her lower back and one covering Dina’s hand on her stomach. “Are you ok? Do you need water? A place to sit? Here, let’s find somewhere to sit-“

“I’m fine, Ellie,” Dina sighed, straightening up. “Just a wave of nausea. I’m all good.”

“Are you sure? I still have some water in my pack, and we could sit for a minute-“

“I’m fine, Ellie!” Dina exclaimed exasperatedly. Abby heard the fond notes in her tone, however, and noticed the appreciative look in her eyes.

Huh. Perhaps not just friends?

“Are you sick?” Lev asked curiously.

“Yep. Worst disease known in history, even worse than cordyceps.”

“What?”

“Pregnancy,” Dina laughed. “Sorry, kid, not actually very exciting, I know. Just makes me a bit queasy sometimes. Nothing to worry about, promise it isn’t contagious.”

Lev grinned, and Abby allowed herself to smile. Even Ellie cracked, although her worried fidgeting remained.

“Promise me you’ll sit down when we get to Maria’s,” she said as they set off again.

“I will, but exclusively because I want to, not because I’m weak. Also, because my feet hurt.”

“I could carry you,” Ellie offered. Dina just laughed. She seemed like she did that a lot. It was a pretty sound, Abby thought.

“I’m really ok, Ellie. I swear.”

“Alright, fine. Never argue with a pregnant lady, I guess.”

“Never argue with me, period. You always lose.”

“You always cheat!”

“How could I cheat in a verbal argument, Ellie?”

“You just do!”

Abby took the opportunity as the pair bickered to whisper to Lev. “Still good? We can always turn back.”

“To where? I like this place. It feels good. And Ellie and Dina seem nice.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Jackson might be our new home, at least for a while. Ok with that?”

“You’re gonna stay with me, right?” Lev asked earnestly. Abby smiled and ruffled his (slowly growing) hair.

“Yeah, kid, of course.”

“Then anywhere is ok. But I like it here.”

“Here, we shall stay.”

“Weirdo.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“So, this is Tommy and Maria’s place,” Dina interrupted quietly, showing no signs of noticing their little moment other than a small smile as she gestured at the house ahead of them. “We’ll go talk to them, and work out your place in Jackson.”

“Alright.” Abby squared her shoulders and began walking towards the house, listening for Lev’s quiet footsteps behind her. Ellie and Dina looked at each other as she passed, then Ellie shrugged and followed. Abby assumed Dina did the same.

She knocked when she reached the front door. 

“Come on in, it’s open!” A male voice called out. Tommy, probably. Abby opened the door and stepped in.

The first thing she noticed was warmth. Not just temperature-wise, although it was a welcome change from the cold weather outside, but the kind of warmth that came from a lived-in house. There were pictures in frames on the wall and the table in the entryway, and the light was soft. The rug in the hallway to the front door was well-worn, and Abby could hear the sound of a sink running somewhere further into the house.

“Hello?” She called out. She could feel Lev at her back, and heard as Ellie strolled into the house.

“Yo, Tommy! Come out here, we got visitors,” Ellie shouted as she helped Dina into a room to the right. Abby followed them into what appeared to be a dining room. Dina collapsed into one of the chairs with a tired smile. 

“Swear it’s getting more awful to walk around every day.”

“I didn’t even realize you were pregnant at first,” Abby said. Why did she say that? What the fuck kind of comment was that? A very rude one-

Ellie laughed, saving Abby the trouble of apologizing. “Yeah, Maria says when she finally starts showing she’ll swell up like a beach ball, but she just doesn’t even look chubby yet.”

“And I won’t. I’ve decided that I will be the first woman ever to have a completely normal and healthy pregnancy without expanding in the slightest. Anatomically impossible? Perhaps, but the universe will bend to my will.”

“It will fucking not.”

Abby heard a laugh and turned to see a man leaning against the doorway of the dining room, smiling. “I don’t know, I doubt the universe has ever had such a stubborn opponent.”

“Don’t encourage her, Tommy.”

The man- Tommy- grinned. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, a simple jacket tugged over it. He had grey-brown hair, somewhat long and tied back behind his head, and the kind smile on his face didn’t falter when he saw Abby and Lev.

“Hey there. Name’s Tommy, my wife and I are kinda in charge around here. You planning on staying for a while or just stopping by?”

“Staying. For as long as we’re welcome,” Abby said slowly. Tommy nodded.

“Great. Give us just a minute, Maria’s out back in the garden, but when she comes in we can talk business. For now, tell me a bit about yourselves. Where you hail from, and whatnot.”

“Oh. We’re, uh. Seattle.”

“Seattle?”

“Yes.” Abby was hesitant to elaborate, but she knew that seeming too closed-off would make her look suspicious.

“Last I heard, the city was caught up in some military struggle. That still going on?”

“I was part of it, for a while. Met Lev, and we decided to just go.”

“Lev, huh? Nice to meet you, kid. And your name is?” Tommy nodded at Lev before looking back to Abby.

“I’m Abby.”

“Nice to meet you, Abby. We’ve got a special place ‘round here for deserters, being that I was one. So’s Ellie. No one will give you any trouble about it, so there’s not much need to be cagey. We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of to survive.”

“I mean. I’m a little bit proud of shooting that one asshole,” Lev spoke up. “Remember? The one in Boise?”

“Lev? Maybe not the impression we’re going for?”

“He was an asshole!”

“Never should have taught you to curse.”

“How did you two come to meet?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, I was wondering that too,” Ellie chimed in. “No offense, but you don’t really look like siblings.”

“What, you can’t see the resemblance?” Abby said flatly, raising a single eyebrow at Ellie, who once again just shrugged off the threat in her tone. That was going to be annoying. 

“She’s not usually this defended.” Lev interjected apologetically.

“Defensive, Lev.”

“Yeah, that. Well, she is, but it’s not her fault. She’s mostly nice, really.”

“Why are you lying to our hosts, Lev?”

“She did threaten to gut us,” Dina mused. “Otherwise, perfectly pleasant, but that was off-putting.”

“Thank you,” Abby said, straightening up in pride. Ellie snorted.

“I could take her.”

“You could not!” Abby shot back.

“Oh god, there’s two of them,” Tommy groaned. “Shit. Maria! Help!”

“What?” Maria appeared in the doorway. She was shorter than Tommy- shorter than Ellie, too- with blonde hair, dressed similarly to her husband. She was small, but had an air of confidence that Abby immediately respected. “Two of what?”

“This is Abby and Lev, and I think Abby and Ellie are either gonna get along or maim each other.”

“No maiming,” Maria declared. Lev nodded.

“I won’t let her, don’t worry.”

Abby grumbled but didn’t refute the statement.

“Great. Y’all are planning on staying?”

“They are indeed,” Tommy answered for them.

“Ok. Well, we’ve got one vacant house, but some of the wood is rotting and the floor of the kitchen just caved in. It’s not quite habitable yet.”

“They need a place to stay, Maria. We can’t just make them camp in the street,” Dina argued. Maria glared.

“I figured. Which is why they’ll be staying with you.”

“What?” Ellie said, startled. “There’s not enough room!”

“Dina, don’t you have three bedrooms? Can’t spare the other two?”

“Well, I could, but Ellie was going to help me turn one into a nursery,” Dina explained. 

“How long until the baby’s born?” Lev asked.

“Bout eight more months.”

“Will the vacant house be ready by then?” Abby inquired.

“Should be ready in half that time,” Tommy replied.

“Then we’ll be out of your hair with enough time to spare to make the room into a nursery before the baby’s born. We can even help, as repayment for letting us stay with you,” Abby said to Dina. “We won’t be much trouble.”

“You don’t have to,” Maria said. “We could do a rush job on the vacancy, it just might not hold up for long and we’d need-“

“I’ll do it,” Dina interrupted. “The nursery doesn’t need to be ready yet anyway, and these two need a place to stay. You want to come get settled in?”

“Uh, sure. Sounds good,” Abby replied.

“Cold!”

“Cool, Lev.”

“Still don’t get the difference.”

—————————————————————————————————

Abby thought she would sink right back in to living with other people. Giant mess halls, crowded areas, loud roommates. Flashes of Manny appeared in her head. Joking, grinning, flirting, bleeding, screaming, crying, fire-

No.

Living with Dina was nothing like the Wolf stadium setup. For one thing, it wasn’t crowded at all. Abby had her own room upstairs, just down the hall from Lev’s. She didn’t use it much for sleeping- she ended up folded into the armchair in Lev’s room most nights, just to make sure she was there in case he had a nightmare- but it was nice to have a place to put all of her stuff. A hook to hang her coat on, sheets without holes in them. Abby’s room was clearly more familiar with occupation than Lev’s had been before their arrival, there were scuff marks and scratches on the floor from rearranged furniture, and the bed also seemed well-used. It was comfortable though, more so than almost anything Abby had slept on before, and she didn’t complain.

The house was always bright. It had windows all over, in every place that one could fit, and the soft sunlight streaming through made the white and cream colored walls glow warmly. Everything about Dina’s house was soft and warm, Abby thought. The collection of blankets she had, the couch in her living room, the lighting. She had clearly made an effort to make this place into a real home, not just somewhere to crash in between assignments- chores.

They called them chores here. There was no combat here.

Unlike the house, however, Abby knew next to nothing about their host. Dina was always flitting in and out of the house, but besides basic pleasantries and helping Abby and Lev find things around the house that they may need, she hadn’t really spoken with them. When she was around, Abby always had the tingling feeling that she had gotten on the first day, like she was being assessed. She got the sense that Dina may be less of a physical threat than Ellie, but she was certainly more observant.

It was oddly intimidating, but Abby resolved to avoid letting it fluster her.

She went about her days on a schedule. She woke up early and did as much of her workout routine as she could without weights or other equipment, woke Lev up, and they went to get something to eat. Usually Dina was gone by then, so they either ate breakfast in comfortable silence or Abby would answer whatever questions Lev had woken up with. He was more talkative in the mornings than any other time of day. 

Abby was hesitant about exploring the town, and Lev seemed to sense it without her ever verbally communicating it, so he didn’t push. But Abby could tell he was beginning to get antsy, especially tonight. He kept looking out the windows at the string lights hanging over the streets, a sort of longing in his eyes. Abby smiled to herself as he gazed out of the kitchen window while they ate dinner.

“Hey, you want to walk around a bit tomorrow?” She asked casually. Lev’s eyes widened and he turned towards her quickly before attempting to school his features into a less eager expression. 

“Thought you were worried about that.”

“Can’t stay holed up here forever. Besides, an archer does best when he’s familiar with the terrain, right?”

“Pretty sure everyone does better when they’re aware of their surroundings.”

“Yeah, whatever. What do you say, huh? We’ll roam around a bit, see how many weird stares we get. It’ll be fun.”

Lev pretended to consider it, and then grinned. “One condition.”

“Oh boy.”

“After we walk the town once, we split up and do it again. Whoever finds the cooler hidden spot wins.”

“What will I win?” Abby asked.

“You’ll win nothing. The prize, however, will be… I don’t know, what cold stuff do we have?”

“Cool. And some weapons? We don’t really-“

“Whoever wins gets to choose dessert,” A familiar voice interrupted.

Abby turned in her seat to see Dina leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen’s entrance. “How long have you been there?”

“Long enough to help you negotiate a good prize. What do you think?”

“What’s a dessert?” Lev asked, head tilted.

Dina looked surprised but answered. “A treat that you can have after dinner. Usually something sweet, but if you win your contest, it can be whatever you want.”

“Like berries?”

“Yeah, sure, like berries. Or chocolate,” Dina answered bemusedly.

“What’s chocolate?”

“You don’t know what chocolate is?”

Abby shot Dina a warning glare before answering Lev. “It’s this candy type thing, it usually comes in bars. Although I didn’t think there was any left that wasn’t expired.”

Dina shrugged. “We get some good stuff on patrol every once in a while. Ellie’s been stealing some for me lately, so I’ve got a surplus.”

“Can we try some?” Lev asked, attempting (and failing) to keep the excitement in his voice at bay.

“If you win our contest, sure,” Abby replied. “For now, though, it’s getting late. You’ve been yawning every five minutes for the past half hour. The sooner you go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow and we can explore.”

“Fine. I’m gonna win though.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be up in a bit.” Abby reached over to ruffle Lev’s hair as he got out of his seat. He leaned into it for a moment before dashing away and up the stairs.

Abby began to gather up their dishes, rinsing them in the sink. She was silent, waiting to hear Dina’s footsteps as she left the kitchen. But the sound never came, and Dina’s voice broke the quiet instead.

“I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I shouldn’t have acted so surprised that he didn’t know what chocolate was. It’s a sore spot, clearly. Sorry.”

“He just- Lev had a weird childhood. He doesn’t know about some stuff. He’s smart, but he’s a bit behind with things that are supposedly common knowledge. It’s not his fault, and if you could avoid pointing it out-“

“Consider it done.”

Abby nodded without turning to look at Dina, waiting for her to leave again. But once more, she stayed, even sat down at the kitchen table.

“How’d you and Lev meet?”

“Why are you suddenly so curious?”

“I’ve always been curious,” Dina responded easily. “Especially considering you live in my house and this is the first time you’ve ever really spoken to me.”

“You could have started a conversation at any point.”

“Not sure I’d want to, if you’re always this defensive.”

Abby whirled around to glare at Dina. “I’m not defensive!”

Dina just raised an eyebrow.

Abby sighed. “Ok, fine. I’m just… adjusting. To people who I’m not already used to.”

“Everyone here’s been through that. I get it.”

“Lev and I met under weird circumstances. Some of it is his to tell.”

“Then just tell me your part,” Dina replied. Abby stared at her, stubbornly standing next to the sink for a few moments before Dina’s will won out and she dropped back into a chair at the table.

“In Seattle, there’s this war going on between this militaristic organization, the WLF, and this cult, the scars- Seraphites. Lev and I met on no man’s land. He was a Seraphite, but he broke their rules and had to run away. I was a Wolf, but-“

Owen. Blood. Broken glass on the floor of an aquarium. Abby shook her head, focused her eyes on the table.

“One of my friends broke the rules. I went after him, and I met Lev along the way. I helped Lev, and then when this huge invasion of the Seraphites’ island happened… I had already broken the rules by going after my friend. Couldn’t let any of the Wolves hurt Lev.”

“Why were you on the Seraphites’ island?” Dina asked gently.

“Lev wanted to get his mom. We were all going to leave, but he wanted to convince his mom to come with us. His sister brought me to the island so we could go get him back.”

“Lev has a sister?”

“Had.” Abby answered heavily.

Dina nodded sadly. “So did I.”

Abby looked up at Dina. Gone was the challenging demeanor, the quietly observant look. Instead, Dina sat before her looking almost entirely unguarded, leaning on the table and clearly blinking back memories being brought to the surface of her mind. Her face changed, Abby thought. The absence of bravado made room for something softer, and for an absurd moment Abby considered reaching out to the girl in front of her.

But then Dina tilted her head and the tense quiet was broken. “Where’s your other friend? The one who broke the WLF rules?”

Abby swallowed, staring at the table once again. “Big battle broke out on the island just as I got Lev. It took us a while to get out, and by the time we had… the Wolves still around home base had found him. We were too late.”

“What was his name?”

“Owen.”

“That’s a good name.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I thought so too.”

There was a beat of silence. Abby thought that maybe they had been quiet together more than they had spoken. Then Dina leaned back in her seat, away from Abby and the heavy air around them.

“Let’s talk about something lighter, huh? Since you let me interrogate you, how about I return the favor? No holds barred, any questions you’ve got. I’m an open book.”

Abby thought for a moment. “Whose baby is it?”

Dina laughed. “Been saving that one up, huh?”

“I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t Ellie’s.”

“Nope. My ex, Jesse. He organizes the patrols, you’ll meet him when you start actually interacting with people.”

“Ex?”

“He’s a good guy. Just not who I want to be with.”

“He knows about the baby?” Abby asked.

“Mhm. His parents are the sweetest, very excited to be grandma and grandpa to the little one.”

“I’m confused.”

“Oh?”

“How does Ellie fit into all of that?”

“In a complicated manner,” Dina sighed. “You want the full history?”

“I am living in your house, and this is the first time you’ve ever really spoken to me. Seems like I should get to know my roommate at least a little.”

Dina smiled wryly. “And to think I believed you weren’t the joking type. Turns out you are, but you just aren’t funny.”

“Lev says the same thing,” Abby chuckled.

“He’s a good kid.”

“He is. And you’re deflecting.”

Dina grinned, the gleam of a challenge in her eye. “You’re much better at this than Ellie. She’s easy to distract.”

“I mean, she’s totally in love with you, so I imagine that helps.”

“It does make certain things easier.”

“Certain things?” Abby raised an eyebrow. “Not all? Thought love was supposed to be comforting.”

“It is, it’s just-“

“Complicated,” Abby finished for her. Dina sighed again.

“Yeah.”

“Do I get the full history, or an abridged version?”

“I met Ellie when she arrived in Jackson about five years ago. I had only been here for a year, and I was… slow to adjust, so we kinda bonded over that. I ended up with a giant crush on her, but she started dating this other girl, Cat. I went out with Jesse, told myself that my feelings for Ellie were just a stupid crush and that I’d get over them. And I did genuinely love Jesse, just not in the way I meant to. Ellie and Cat broke up, but Jesse and I were still together, and I just felt so guilty. For loving her instead of him. I stayed with him, thought that if I just gave myself more time, I could make our on-and-off thing permanent. But every time I was with him, I just kept wishing I was with Ellie instead.”

Abby let herself wonder for a moment. If Owen were alive, would he say those kinds of things about her? Did he wish that when he was with Mel he was actually with Abby instead?

Not a road worth going down.

Abby pulled herself out of her thoughts as Dina seemed to collect hers. “I kissed Ellie at a dance, about a month ago, a week after I finally broke up with Jesse for good. We went on patrol the next day, found a weed stash, and… things progressed. But not long after, I realized I was pregnant, and now it feels like Ellie thinks a switch is going to flip in my brain and I’m gonna go back to Jesse because he’s the baby daddy or something.” Dina’s voice gave way to her rising frustration at the thought. “I’ve made it so obvious that I want her, but she just doesn’t get it. She still keeps acting as though I’m going to leave her for him.”

“Have you told her that you won’t?”

“I’ve been at her place every day for over a month, I spend all my time with her, I kiss her! How could she misinterpret that?”

“Maybe she thinks it’s just temporary,” Abby suggested. “That you’re having fun with her while you can but then going back to Jesse when the baby comes.”

“How could she possibly think that?”

“Have you explained to her that it isn’t like that?”

“I mean, not verbally, but-“

“Tell her, then. Verbally. If she’s missing all your hints, just abandon that and be as unsubtle as possible. I mean, how could she miss that?”

Dina leveled Abby with an appraising look. “For someone who doesn’t talk much, you sure make it sound like an easy solution.”  
“I’m the queen of not taking my own advice.”

“I can tell,” Dina snorted. “You seem as stubborn as Ellie.”

“Considering you love her, I’ll take that as a compliment.” Abby couldn’t help but yawn after speaking. This was the latest she had stayed up in awhile. Dina smirked at her before gesturing towards the stairs.

“Don’t let me keep you up. I’ll be boring the rest of the night, seems like I’ve got a heartfelt speech to prepare.”

“Let me know how it goes,” Abby said, and she found that she meant it. Maybe it was a result of their talk, of how Dina had listened to her story and shared a bit of her own, or maybe it was just by existing near her, but Dina had somehow managed to get Abby to like her.

First Lev, now this. She really had to start getting better at being guarded. Abby shook her head at herself as she began to climb the stairs up towards her bedroom.

“Abby? One last question?” Dina called. 

“Shoot.”

“If you win, what dessert would you want?”

Abby grinned at Dina. “Something chocolate-y.”

—————

The next day, Abby was wandering around aimlessly after splitting up with Lev, doing her best to dodge the curious stares and avoid anyone who looked like they may greet her, when she found Ellie and Dina walking hand in hand down a street. She quickly pretended to be absorbed by taking in the sights around her, doing her best to stay inconspicuous but still within hearing range.

What are roommates for if not spying on each other’s dates? Manny would be proud.

Abby, caught up in her thoughts of her old friend, barely noticed as Dina’s eyes landed on her. She leaned over and whispered something into Ellie’s ear, smiling as Ellie laughed, kissed her on the cheek, and then left her side and began to walk over.

Shit. She’d been made. Abby considered making a run for it before remembering that she didn’t really have anything to feel guilty for. As far as Ellie knew, she was just walking around, enjoying the fine weather. (The weather was not fine. The sun was far too bright around here. She missed the overcast skies back ho- in Seattle. Which was no longer home.)

“Hey,” Ellie interrupted her thoughts. Abby looked at the other girl to find a crooked grin on her face, something she had a feeling wasn’t exactly uncommon. “Dina tells me you’re looking for the best spot in Jackson.”

“Maybe. Why, you got an idea?”

Ellie’s grin widened. Abby was struck, just for a moment, by how it made the freckles on her face that much more apparent. “Not just an idea. C’mon, follow me.”

(Later, Abby had to admit that the basement Lev had found beneath the rec center was pretty cool. But it didn’t compare to the boarded up church that Ellie snuck her into, settled against the western wall of Jackson, with stained-glass windows just high enough above the wall to catch the light of the sun as it began to set. It was dusty, but it was open and airy and achingly beautiful when the light threw dazzling colors across the walls and floor.

Lev grumbled about her cheating until Dina brought out six chocolate bars after dinner, two for each of them. He even found it in himself to gracefully accept Abby’s second chocolate bar as a consolation prize.)

—————————————————————————————————

After showing Abby the chapel, Ellie started coming to Dina’s house rather than Dina going to hers. It was different when Ellie was around. When it was just Abby and Dina, Abby felt as though she were playing some unspoken game of chess, each of them assessing the moves of the other and making their own. It may seem intense to some, but Abby enjoyed it. It was a game for both of them, a push and pull with no real stakes. Ellie was mystified by it, and usually ended up leaving them to their oddly competitive banter and went to go hang out with Lev instead.

Lev and Ellie got along entirely too well. She showed him all her favorite spots to watch the town from above (Abby firmly refused to join them) and snuck him candy and other fun stuff she found on patrols. It was pretty common over the next few months for Abby to walk into the living room and find Lev and Ellie reading comic books together, Lev curled up in the armchair while Ellie sat on the couch, Dina sprawled out beside her, asleep with her head in the other girl’s lap. 

It was nice, the four of them lazing around. It wasn’t something Abby had expected to have again.

However, some people weren’t as appreciative of the quiet time as she was.

“Please come with us tonight,” Ellie wheedled. “It’ll be fun!”

“Will it? Will it really?”

“Ellie just wants someone to stand in the corner and be awkward with. She hates this as much as you do,” Dina called from the kitchen, appearing in the doorway to the living room a few seconds later with a smirk on her face.

Ellie pouted. “Yeah, well, you don’t want to go alone, so I’m going, but you’re going to abandon me the second we get there!”

“Why go at all? It’s just a party,” Abby interjected.

“I can’t get drunk for the next seven months. I can’t get high for the next seven months. The least I deserve is to watch my friends do stupid shit while they’re drunk for the next seven months.”

“That’s… fair, I guess?” Abby replied. “But can’t you just go and leave us in peace?”

“Nope. Ellie’s coming with me at least, she has no choice. Cost of dating the hottest girl in Jackson.”

“I broke up with Cat years ago,” Ellie said, faking confusion. The small amused smirk on her face disappeared when Dina rounded on her.

“Swear to god, Williams, I will cut your toes off one by one and feed them to you.”

“Kinky,” Abby tossed in. Dina pointed at her threateningly.

“Don’t start with me, Anderson, you won’t win.”

“Point taken.” Abby raised her hands in surrender. “Still won’t go to the party though.”

“Come on! If I have to deal with Jesse trying to make small talk for even an hour, I might be responsible for a homicide by the end of the night.”

“Jesse’s a good guy.” Or at least, he seemed it from Dina’s stories and Abby’s few interactions with him. Abby could see the appeal, but she also definitely saw why Dina broke up with him. Ellie was generally more fun to be around. Jesse, for all of his positive traits, seemed a bit uptight.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t make it less awkward that I’m dating his ex, who’s pregnant with his kid. If he asks me one more time if Dina’s staying hydrated enough, I’m tossing him in a river.”

“Is that what he’s been bothering you about?” Dina asked amusedly. “I’ll talk to him tonight, don’t worry.”

“Dude, no way! He’ll get all pissed at me for letting you go to a party where people are smoking, even though I couldn’t stop you if I tried-“

“Did you just call your girlfriend ‘dude’?” Abby interrupted. Ellie paused in her tirade, hands still in the air from her wild gesturing.

“Yes. I did.”

“Wow.” Abby turned to Dina. “I totally get it now, she’s such a catch. Don’t know how you resisted for as long as you did.”

“Shut up and come with us.”

“Why should I?”

“Because you need more friends your age?” Abby whipped around to see Lev watching them from the staircase.

“How long have you been there? I thought you were showering.”

“I was. But then I heard arguing and thought it sounded fun.”

“Little shit,” Abby muttered. Lev just stuck his tongue out at her.

“Go with them, you can’t just hang out with me and those two until you die. You need more friends.”

“Maybe I’m perfectly happy with the number of friends that I currently have.”

“I thought you had lots of friends in the WLF.” Lev crossed his arms.

Abby bristled. “I did,” she said indignantly.

“Then you can make lots of friends here too. Go.”

So Abby found herself standing awkwardly with a drink in hand in the corner of someone’s living room, Ellie at her side.

“Why are we here?” She groaned as she watched yet another drunk guy take his shirt off for seemingly no reason. “This is so stupid.”

“Yeah, but Dina’s having fun.”

Abby followed Ellie’s gaze to see Dina laughing as she chatted with another girl their age. “You’re so whipped.”

“Uh, bro, it’s Dina. Of course I am. Haven’t you seen how pretty she is, like, all the time?”

“Are you asking me if I think your girlfriend is hot?”

“I don’t know. I’m buzzed.”

“I haven’t even seen you drink.”

“I’m stealthy,” Ellie grinned. “But I’ve been playing my party drinking game.”

“Drinking game?” Abby looked at Ellie. Admittedly, she did look a little more flushed than usual, and every time she spoke sounded more carefree than it did when she was fully sober. The use of the word ‘bro’ really should have tipped Abby off that her friend was, in fact, tipsy. “What kind of drinking game?”

“Oh, it’s pretty boring. Sip when a dude takes his shirt off, sip when Cat punches a dude for taking his shirt off and creeping out a girl, sip when someone starts bragging about how many infected they’ve killed and it’s less than me, down the whole fucking drink if Jesse is drunk. Basic stuff.”

“I assume Jesse never gets drunk?”

“I saw it once, on my birthday two years back. One of the best nights of my life, for sure.”

“He doesn’t seem that uptight.”

Ellie smiled. “No, he’s fucking great. He is. We just all make fun of him cuz he’s such a mom friend.” Ellie gasped, eyes lighting up with a sudden realization. “And now he’s gonna be a dad! Holy shit, Abby, he’s a dad and a mom!”  
“You’re so fucking drunk,” Abby laughed. “It’s the best thing ever.”

“I’m only buzzed!”

“Your cup is empty.”

Ellie examined her cup with a pout. “Fuck.”

Abby laughed again. She hadn’t been drinking much, but the general atmosphere of the party and her friend’s antics made it hard not to feel relaxed.

“Having fun?” Dina appeared behind Ellie, wrapping her arms around the girl’s waist and resting her chin on her shoulder.

“Oh yeah, we’ve been having a blast. Ellie asked if I think you’re hot and also realized that Jesse is both a dad and a mom.”

“Not gonna ask about the second one, but I definitely want to know the answer to Ellie’s question,” Dina replied, eyes sparkling with mirth.

Abby shrugged. “Eh. You’re not bad.”

“Hey! That’s my fucking wife, and she’s gorgeous,” Ellie defended strongly.

“Wife, huh? When did you propose?”

“In like, a year. Can’t rush things, you know?” Ellie responded absentmindedly, before going to take another sip of her drink and frowning when she yet again faced the realization that her cup was empty. Abby could see Dina’s eyes widen, and she loosened her grip on Ellie.

“You want to get married?”

“Fully committed to you for the rest of my life? Hmm. Seems like a lot.” 

“I’m a fucking treasure. A walking miracle. You’d be so lucky.”

“I know, but I’m not actually proposing, Dina.” Ellie grinned. Dina nodded, seeming a little disappointed as she took a step away from Ellie. As a result, Abby was pretty sure she was the only one who heard Ellie mumble, “Can’t even find a good ring anyway.”

“Hey, Dina! Your title is being threatened!” Someone called from across the room. Abby couldn’t put a name to the face, but he was one of the boys who had actually managed to keep his shirt on.

“What do you mean?” Dina shouted back.

“I’m the beer pong king now!”

“Oh fuck no,” Dina growled. “Ellie, c’mon, you have defend my honor.”

“On it.”

“Uh, Dina? She’s already drunk,” Abby said. “I don’t really think her coordination’s going to be great right now.”

“She doesn’t need to be coordinated, she just needs to drink for me. I can’t have anything but water, and beer pong doesn’t really allow for that.”

“Yeah, but she’s already fucked.” Abby thought for a moment before deciding to throw caution to the wind. “I’ll help. I can actually play, and I’ll drink for you. As long as we win, I shouldn’t end up too drunk, right?”

“Oh, Abby.” Dina’s grin seemed almost dangerous in the low lighting of the room, gleaming with something nearly predatory. “I always win.”

Dina spent the rest of their time at the party proving that statement entirely correct, demolishing absolutely everyone that dared to challenge her with only a slight amount of help from Abby and plenty of encouragement from Ellie, who slowly began to sober up as Jesse appeared periodically and gave her water to drink. He really was a mom.

By the end of the night, as the three of them made their way back into Dina’s house, giggling and already planning to raid the kitchen for snacks, Abby had to admit she was glad that Lev had forced her to go out.

—————————————————————————————————

Jesse was sick of their shit and they had barely stepped through the door.

“No. Already it’s a no, a very strong no, and you won’t change my mind. No.”

“One last patrol?” Dina pouted, giving him puppy eyes. “You know how bored I get!”

“You’re five months pregnant, Dina! No way!”

Jesse paced around his makeshift office, a small room in a building just beside the gate. He had a whiteboard on the wall with the patrol schedule written out in a messy scrawl, clearly marked over with edits.

“You don’t have enough people without me! I should be out there! Assign me to the safest path you know of, just let me go out!”

“Told you he wouldn’t budge,” Ellie sighed. She was doing her best to seem disappointed, but Abby knew she didn’t want her girlfriend going out right now either.

“He will budge.” Dina glared. “Because he knows he has to.”

“That is my unborn child!”

“Uh, it’s ours, and it’s in my stomach. All you did was the easy part.”

“Can we not talk about that?” Ellie muttered.

“Right, sorry. Look, I get that you’re going stir-crazy, but you really shouldn’t be out on patrol, Dina.” Jesse crossed his arms, clearly trying to project authority. “Adding you wouldn’t even make a difference, we’re two people short.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since Maria wants us doing three-person patrols now. Apparently Seth and Jack ran into a bit of trouble the other day, and now it’s got Maria worried. Right now we really don’t have enough people, even if I got you on a team it’d need another person.”

“I could do it,” Abby said casually. Jesse and Ellie both turned towards her, Jesse with a raised eyebrow and Ellie with a betrayed expression. 

“Dude? What the fuck?” She hissed, narrowing her eyes when Abby just ignored her.

“Patrol isn’t something to take lightly,” Jesse cautioned. “You’ll be gone for two days, and there isn’t a single real safe place outside these walls, no matter how clear you think a building is. Infected can always take you by surprise, and if there are any hunters-“

“I grew up in a militaristic organization dedicated to waging war against a cult, I know how to fucking handle myself,” Abby responded through gritted teeth. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ellie look taken aback. Fuck. She must have never mentioned that around her.

That was going to come back to bite her in the ass.

But, the statement seemed to have the intended effect on Jesse, who ran a hand through his hair tiredly. “Ok, fine. Dina, you don’t leave Ellie’s sight, ok? No matter what, you stick to her like you’re glued together.”

“Yes sir.” Dina sarcastically saluted Jesse. From the way he just waved them out of the office, Abby could tell it was a familiar interaction for him.

Dina’s face split into a wide grin as soon as they exited. “Fuck yes! Thank you so much!” She wrapped her arms around Abby’s waist and-

Huh. Did hugs always feel like this? No. No, Abby had been hugged before, and it never made her feel like her ribs were squeezing her lungs, it never made her chest ache all over with this soft pressure and warmth.

Dina must just be a better hugger than her other friends.

“No problem,” Abby stuttered out, awkwardly returning the hug for a few seconds until Dina let go. “But he’s right, you have to be really fuckin careful out there.”

“I’ll be fine. We have four days until we go out, you’ll have plenty of time to uselessly lecture me about safety between now and then.”

And they did, constantly. Whenever Ellie ran out of breath, Jesse was there to pick up right where she left off in her tirade. Abby had to admit they worked well together, and were possibly the only people Dina would listen to. Not that she did.

At least, Abby thought she wouldn’t. Dina was stubborn, so incredibly stubborn. Sometimes it was endearing, sometimes it was infuriating. At all times it was one of Abby’s favorite things about her. She had never seen an occasion in which Dina didn’t hold her ground.

Until Ellie came to Dina’s house the night before patrol, shaking. Until she collapsed onto the couch, clutching at Dina like she had been gone for years. Abby did her best to pretend she wasn’t there, occupying herself with putting away the newly-cleaned dishes. But no matter how much she clattered the plates and bumped the bowls together (careful not to chip anything), she couldn’t miss the soft words spoken in low voices, couldn’t avoid hearing Ellie’s tearful confession that if she lost Dina, she’d surely lose herself. Abby stood still for a moment, abandoning all pretense that she wasn’t listening, straining her ears to hear Dina’s response.

It came in the form of whispered reassurances. Abby could oh-so-clearly imagine Dina tucking the one hair that always escaped Ellie’s bun back behind her ear, could see in her mind the way she pressed their foreheads together.

Her ribs were aching again.

Maybe she should go to the clinic about that.

Abby waited until nothing but silence enveloped the house, and then she walked into the living room to find Dina and Ellie asleep on the couch, so oddly intertwined that it seemed impossible to untangle them. She knew she couldn’t without them awake to help.

She shook Ellie’s shoulder. “Hey,” she breathed. “C’mon. Your back is going to hurt tomorrow if you sleep here.”

Ellie’s eyes opened, unfocused and lazy. “Huh?”

“Come on, help me out here. We gotta get you to a real bed.”

Ellie drowsily unwound herself from Dina, sitting up, groaning softly at the ache that had already started to build in her muscles. Abby looked away. It always seemed so private, seeing someone wake up, especially when they felt safe enough to be lazy about it.

She began to nudge Dina. “Up you get. Go on, you can do it. Bed’s only a little ways away.”

It was the way she would talk to Lev when he was exhausted. Although, it felt different. Abby chalked it up to the conversation she had overheard before.

Dina was also slow to rise, blinking tiredly as she accepted Ellie’s hand up. Abby nodded at Ellie, trusting her to safely escort the other girl to bed. But Dina reached out, weakly gripping Abby’s arm and pulling her beside them, leaning against Ellie’s side but letting her head loll onto Abby’s shoulders as she walked between the two of them. Abby looked to Ellie, who just offered a tired smile. She hadn’t really noticed the height difference between her and the other girl before.

She let both of them lean against her as she walked them into Dina’s bedroom. She let Ellie steady herself with a hand on her shoulder as she kicked off her shoes, and pulled the covers up when Dina just let herself flop onto the bed.

Abby flipped the light switch as she left the room, taking a last look at the girls who were already slipping back into sleep.

She was proud to be someone her friends could lean on. And for the first time, remembering all the times her old friends had done something similar didn’t hurt.

\----------

It became apparent, exactly 4 hours before the end of their patrol, that the safety lectures were entirely unneeded. 

Not because the area was safe. No, the area was far from safe, made obvious by the horde of infected they ran into not a mile away from Jackson. 

Abby had drawn her gun and was making plans in her mind. “Dina, you stay. Ellie, you take left, I’ll take right, we’ll hit them from the sides-“

“There’s not enough cover, they’ll spot you both,” Dina hissed. The three of them were crouched behind a car about 40 feet from the infected. Ellie kept looking over the hood of the car.

“Twelve of them. Seven runners, five clickers. Minimal spreading, center of the road. We can’t get into any nearby buildings before we get spotted. Dina’s right, not enough cover.”

“What’s your plan then?”

Ellie bit her lip for a second, then smiled. “Dina, you remember the forest glade? Two years ago?”

“What do you- oh. Oh!”

“Think you can do it again?”

“I’ll need a distraction,” Dina said, eyes examining the car they were hiding behind. Ellie nodded.

“You’ve got one. Abby, you and I are gonna do something very stupid.”

“Hardly unusual,” Abby replied. “What are we doing?”

“We need them to stay close together, and a little closer to us.”

“Why do we want them closer?”

“Just trust me, we do. You and I? We’re gonna be the bait.”

“Ok?” Abby was still confused. Dina was continuing to analyze the car, not paying a bit of attention to their conversation. “I still don’t know what we’re doing.”

“Just follow my lead,” Ellie answered with a grin. “And don’t get eaten.”

And with that, she stood up and began to shout. “Hey fuckers! Come and get some! Come on, you hungry bastards, come get your fucking food!”

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Abby stood up with her, quickly aiming and shooting one of the clickers in the knee.

“Ooh, good idea, that’ll get them mad,” Ellie mused. “They coming?”

“Yeah, you stood up and started fucking hollering like a lunatic-“

“Great! Time to go!”

“Wha-“

Ellie grabbed Abby by the wrist, turned back down the road, and began to sprint, tugging Abby along behind her. Abby started running too, careful to not act as an anchor.

“Why are we leaving Dina?” She asked as they ran toward another car a bit further down the road. “We weren’t supposed to-“

“We’re improvising!” Ellie replied. “Don’t worry, Dina will be fine. In fact-“ she pulled Abby behind a different car- “our only job is to stay alive until she rescues us.”

“This is a terrible plan,” Abby grunted, looking over the hood of the car to see all of the infected shuffling towards them. Even the clicker she had shot was limping in their direction.

“What, you don’t have faith in Dina?”

“I don’t have faith in you not doing something stupid and getting us both killed.”

Ellie smirked. “When have I ever done something so reckless?”

“Remember when you and Jesse decided that a good, relaxing activity was jousting with some toy swords you found?”

“You literally challenged me right after I beat Jesse.”

“Irrelevant. How close are they?”

Ellie looked over the trunk. “About 30 feet.”

“Fuck,” Abby swore. “We’re gonna die.”

“Hey,” Ellie grabbed her shoulder and pulled her closer, looking straight into her eyes. “We’re fine. We’re gonna be ok. You think I wouldn’t make sure you got back home to Lev?”

Ellie’s eyes were a brighter shade of green than Abby had previously thought. Her gaze was as warm and solid as her hand on Abby’s shoulder. It was grounding. 

At least, it was grounding until an explosion slammed the car they were hiding behind into them, sending them sprawling as the road before them erupted.

Abby’s ears were ringing as she stared uncomprehendingly at the ground in front of her. Infected. Explosion. Ellie.

She turned her head to the side to see the other girl groaning on the ground. She crawled over slowly, shaking her head as her hearing came back to her. “Ellie. Ellie, hey, can you hear me? You ok?”

Ellie just grunted, giving her a thumbs-up without opening her eyes. “Fuckin a.”

“Yeah, ok.” Abby rose slowly and looked behind them. The car they had used as cover had been flipped onto its back not five feet away from her, it was a miracle she hadn’t been crushed. Behind the wreckage of the car were the smoking corpses of all twelve infected scattered around a crater in the road.

And walking towards them was Dina, hands black with grease and a smile on her face. “What are we waiting for?” She called out. “Let’s get home, yeah?”

“Fuck yeah,” Ellie answered. Abby hadn’t noticed her sitting up, but now she jogged lightly towards Dina, smothering her face with kisses as Dina laughed. Abby felt like an intruder as she walked up to them quietly, until Dina kissed Ellie one last time and then turned to her. 

“You doing alright? I know the numbskull over here-“ she gestured to Ellie- “probably didn’t prepare you for what was gonna happen.”

“Hey, she handled it like a champ,” Ellie argued, standing on her tiptoes to throw an arm over Abby’s shoulders. “Recovered even faster than I did!”

“But did she have any warning?” Dina arched an eyebrow as she stared down her girlfriend. Abby found herself holding back a laugh as Ellie pouted.

“Maybe not as much as she should have.”

Abby let herself chuckle. “It’s all good, I’m ok. What did you even find to make a bomb anyway?”

Dina beamed. “Car battery. Had to mess around with some wires, but it worked well in the end.”

“Hell yeah it did,” Ellie grinned. “That was awesome! They went flying!”

As the trio began the walk back towards Jackson, reveling in their victory, Abby came to a simple conclusion. 

The safety lectures were a nice sentiment, but Ellie and Dina, especially when they were working together, were badass enough to not really need it.

—————————————————————————————————

“I want to tell Ellie and Dina about me.”

Abby looked up from her dinner at Lev, who was already staring at her, waiting for an answer. “Huh?”

“I want to tell them about me,” he repeated.

“What do you mean? They already know a ton about you, they’re our friends. Ellie’s helping you decorate your room in the new house, they know how much you like music and books and shit. What else do you want to tell them?”

“I’m not going to look like this forever,” Lev said. “I can shave my head all I want, but… I’m getting older.”

“What do you- oh.” 

“Yeah. I want to tell them because I think maybe we could find something to help?”

“What could help?” Abby asked gently. “Do you want us to get some good bras for you? We could probably find some that help, like, flatten a bit-“

“In the old world, there were these things called binders,” Lev interrupted. “People… people made them for guys like me, so that they could deal with it even if they couldn’t afford surgery. And it’s not like there are really any surgeons around who could help, so it seems like the best option.”

It was Abby’s turn to stare. “You’ve done your research.”

“Ellie lent me a book. She said it helped her a bit when she was figuring things out.”

“You think we can find one of these binder things?”

“I think it’s worth a shot. I don’t want- I don’t want to be a stranger in my own body, to hate how I feel every single day of my life, to be trapped in this body that keeps betraying me. I was tired of it when I was with the Seraphites and it’s only getting worse, I don’t want it to get worse-“

“Ok, ok.” Abby got up and pulled Lev into a hug, resting her chin atop his recently shaved head and rubbing circles into his back. “We’ll figure it out. We will.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course. You sure you want Ellie and Dina to know? This can be a just you and me thing.”

“No, I want them to know. They’re good people, and you like them a lot.”

“Well, I mean, so do you,” Abby said, feeling unreasonably defensive. “They’re good to both of us.”

“Mhm.” Lev pulled back and looked at Abby shrewdly. “You just like them differently than me.”

“I- I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Why did the words feel like a lie?

Lev just arched an eyebrow, a habit he’d picked up from Dina. “Right. You know, not everything is going to end the way it did with Owen.”

Abby could feel her heart drop into her gut. “Don’t bring that up.”

“You have to let yourself move past that, you have to let yourself love other-“

“Lev.” Abby’s tone left no room for arguments. “Drop it.”

He just shook his head and sighed. “Fine. But you’re only hurting yourself, there’s nothing to be gained from denial.”

“Sure. When are you planning on telling Ellie and Dina about this?”

“I don’t know. Whenever the timing is right, I suppose.”

With that, Lev wandered away, leaving Abby with dishes to clean and thoughts to repress. Seriously, what was he doing, bringing up Owen like that? He knew how difficult that was for her, how painful and fucked up it had been. 

She knew she was to blame for how their relationship imploded. She could never give him enough of herself, not while she was so messed up about her dad’s death. So he went and found someone who could. It didn’t hurt Abby. How could it? They were her friends. And if some bitter part of her didn’t like that Owen had moved on, hated how he chose someone else, no one needed to know. 

(If that bitter part of her reared its head when Ellie and Dina had a moment and she was left to watch, feeling like a voyeur, battling an aching urge to be a participant, well, absolutely nobody ever needed to find out about that.)

—————

It turned out Lev decided the timing was right far sooner than Abby was expecting, only lasting a week before asking Ellie and Dina to talk in the living room after they all had dinner together. Ellie and Dina settled on the couch as Lev stood, impatiently bouncing on his heels, in front of them. Abby chose to stand, leaning against the wall behind Lev with her arms crossed, looking as protective as she was capable of. She wanted to make sure that Lev knew she’d be ready to step in if he needed.

With the unguarded affection and concern on both Ellie and Dina’s faces, she really didn’t think it would actually be necessary.

“What did you want to talk about, Lev?” Dina asked gently. Abby was kinda glad she was taking point on this one. Ellie’s boundless enthusiasm was sweet (and adorable) but she had a feeling it may intimidate Lev rather than bolster him in this scenario.

“I wanted to tell you something important. About me.”

“We’re all ears.”

Lev nodded and took a breath. “You know how Abby always says she rescued me from a cult, right?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m actually still confused about that but I can roll with it.”

“Well, it’s actually more like I rescued her. And my sister. We were running from the Seraphites because I broke the rules, but they caught up with us and that was when we met Abby.”

“What was your sister’s name?” Dina asked.

Lev squared his jaw. “Yara.”

“That’s a pretty name,” Ellie murmured. He laughed softly.

“Yeah. So was mine.”

“What?”

“My name-“

“What the Seraphites called him.” Abby interjected, looking at Lev. “It was never really his name.”

“Yeah, that. They called me Lily.”

Dina’s eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly in surprise before she schooled her expression into something more neutral. Ellie was less subtle, brows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you telling us this now?”

“I mean, you knew already, right?”

“Actually, I wasn’t sure. Ellie had her suspicions-“

“That’s why I gave you that book, I hope it helped-“

“But I was never certain,” Dina finished. “I didn’t feel like it was my place to ask.”

“I’m ok with you guys knowing.”

“Was that the rule you broke? Why you had to leave the Seraphiles?” Ellie asked.

“Seraphites. Yes.”

“Oh. Fuck them then.”

Abby laughed, unable to hold it back. “Yeah, fuck them.”

“I’m telling you guys because I need your help with something,” Lev said, trying to get the conversation back on track. All traces of mirth immediately left Ellie’s face as she turned her full attention to him. Dina did the same. Abby couldn’t help but absentmindedly note that they already seemed very parental. Dina’s baby would never want for attentive parents between them and Jesse.

(And maybe she had silently resolved to help as much as they’d let her, even though she wasn’t really a fan of babies. So what? She was clearly just a naturally giving person.)

Abby snorted aloud at that line of thought, getting Lev to turn around to look at her. “Something funny?”

“Sorry, sorry, got caught in my own head. You explained?”

“Yeah, he did. Do you think we’d be able to find one of these binder things near Jackson?” Dina questioned.

“I don’t see why not. I mean, they were probably kind of expensive in the old world, but that’s not really a problem now,” Ellie reasoned. “They’d have to have them in stores and stuff. Maybe in that big superstore a couple miles out? The uh, fuckin, what was it called again?”

“Talmart?”

“No, that’s not it. Whatever, the point is they had this giant section for bras and stuff-“

“And you were looking at the models?” Abby teased, enjoying the way Ellie immediately flushed. It made her freckles stand out.

“No! But, I bet they would have something like that there.”

“It’s a good place to start.” Dina nodded, leaning over to take Ellie’s hand and look back at Lev. “What size do you think you’ll need?”

Lev just stared back at them, completely still. He was silent long enough that Abby detached herself from the wall, walking over to check on him. “Lev? You ok, bud-“

Lev grabbed her by the arm and pulled her closer to the couch, proceeding to grab Dina and Ellie and pull all three of the women into a hug, resting his head against Abby’s stomach and keeping his arms wrapped around the other two. Abby could feel when he started crying as the tears started to soak through her shirt. “Thank you, thank you, fuck, I’m- thank you.”

“Of course, Lev,” Ellie said. Dina muttered something along the same lines, reaching over and gently running her hand up and down Lev’s back.

It took a few minutes for him to start crying. Eventually, he pulled away, slightly embarrassed, wiping at his eyes quickly. Abby just smiled at him. “Told you they’d help.”

“You never said that,” he replied with a scoff.

“Yeah, but I knew it. I reassured you telepathically.”

“That’s not a fucking thing.”

“How would you know? Maybe I can do it without you noticing. I can just, like, put the thought in your head.”

“That’s not possible!”

“Oh yeah?” Abby challenged. “Right now, you want a chocolate bar.”

Lev’s eyes narrowed. “I always want a chocolate bar. That proves nothing.”

“Well, if I didn’t put the thought in your head, how would you know there’s one waiting for you in the kitchen?”

“Because you just said- you got me chocolate?”

“Proud of you for sharing, kid. Go eat.”

Lev dashed out of the room, leaving Abby to laugh to herself as she watched him run. She turned back to the other two to see them watching her. Dina’s head was tilted in the way that it always was when she was working a thought through to its conclusion, but there was something soft in her eyes that wasn’t usually present with the head tilt. Ellie’s gaze was unrepentantly affectionate, and she made no effort to conceal her smile.

“You’re good with him.”

“Yeah, well.” Abby shifted uncomfortably under the weight of their combined stares. “He needs it.”

“You can accept the compliment, you know. Promise we won’t tell anyone how soft you are,” Dina said teasingly.

“Uh, speak for yourself. I’m telling everyone,” Ellie interjected.

“They wouldn’t even believe you,” Abby said proudly. “I’m too threatening.”

“You’re just a big marshmallow,” Ellie retorted.

“Take that back!”

“Make me!”

Ellie’s eyes widened as Abby lunged. “Oh wait fuck no, Dina save me!”

“You did this to yourself,” Dina sighed as she walked away, leaving her two idiots to playfully fight it out.

As the day melted into night and Lev finally dragged himself to bed, the trio found themselves sitting in Dina’s living room. Dina herself had a watch shift at 2 in the morning, and she repeatedly explained that if she fully went to sleep beforehand then she wouldn’t be alert during the shift. So she dozed on the couch, her feet tucked against Ellie’s thigh as the latter quietly strummed a guitar. Abby sat on the floor, leaning against the small coffee table in the center of the room, letting her eyes drift shut as the soft music washed over the room like a gentle wave.

She would have found herself falling asleep if she couldn’t sense eyes on her. She lazily opened an eye to catch Ellie hastily turning her attention back to her guitar, missing a note in the process. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong,” Ellie answered quickly. “Just, you know, playing.”

“You were looking at me.”

“Someone’s arrogant,” Ellie muttered.

“Ellie. What is it?”

Ellie groaned but relented. “Why does everyone seem to know your story but me? I mean, Lev was there, so that makes sense, but Dina knows too, and even Joel asked me the other day if you had any thoughts on how to strengthen the walls, since apparently the military compound you lived in is super notorious? I mean, why am I the only one living in mystery?”  
“I don’t know that much about you either,” Abby shot back. “How do you even know Joel? Where were you from before Jackson?”

“That’s significantly fewer questions.”

“Wow, that’s a big word. Didn’t know you knew any with more than three syllables.”

“I actually had one of the highest reading comprehension scores out of anyone in the military academy, so fuck you.”

“Military academy?” Now that Abby thought about it, when she had first arrived in Jackson Tommy had mentioned that Ellie was a defector. “Ok, how’s this sound: you tell your story, I’ll tell mine.”

“Fine, but mine’s pretty boring anyway.”

“Then go ahead and bore me.”

Ellie sighed. “I was raised in this military academy in Massachusetts. One night, Riley, my best friend, snuck us out. She was joining the Fireflies, and she wanted to have some fun before she left. We were fucking around in this mall- side note; I kissed her and that was how I realized I like girls- when these infected attacked us. She got bit, I didn’t.”

“Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah. Afterwards, I went and found the Fireflies, and they took me in until they couldn’t spend any more resources on keeping me alive. They pawned me off on Joel, told him to bring me to another one of their sites up here. But when we got there, everyone was already dead. We ended up coming back to Jackson, and that’s it.”

Abby stared at her friend for a moment, who was studiously avoiding eye contact. It felt like some part of the story was off, a puzzle piece forced into place rather than fitting naturally. But Abby chalked it up to the rushed nature of the explanation, and dismissed the thought. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

Ellie let out a breath. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Really, anyone who you had a crush on must have been fucking wild.”

“Fuck, she was. Absolutely crazy,” Ellie grinned. “Your turn, by the way.”

“Right. Uh, fuck. I haven’t really told it in much detail, give me a minute.”

“Take your time.”

“Ok. My dad, he was a doctor in the WLF, I was raised there. It was weird, now that I think about it, being raised in a military compound, but it felt normal. I made friends, had my first boyfriend, all of the regular shit. Then, uh, my dad got killed by some raiders. He wasn’t even supposed to be off-base, but he went to this camp that had some injured people in need. He fixed them right up and got shot on his way back home.”

Ellie flinched. “Fuck.”

“Yeah. I was maybe fourteen? I got obsessed with finding the raiders, avenging my dad and all that shit. Managed to track down most of them too. But I sorta ruined most of my relationships in the process, and, uh, it didn’t really help. Never slept any better until I helped Lev and his sister, Yara. And then I stuck with them. The WLF was building up to this big battle, but the guy I-“ Abby hesitated. What was Owen to her? He wasn’t her boyfriend anymore. But he wasn’t quite an ex either. “Owen, my friend, he ran off just before. I went to go find him, stumbled upon Lev and Yara in the process.”

“Was this Owen a friend the way Riley was a friend?” Ellie raised an eyebrow, making Abby smile.

“Yeah, I guess. Yara was pretty fucked up at the time, but Owen’s girlfriend, Mel-“

“Oh fuck, a taken man? Gross.”

“I wasn’t exactly a great person before Jackson, Ellie. I did some shit I’m not proud of.”

“What? No, I meant that it was gross that he kept stringing you along while being with someone else.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Abby defended. “I fucked up our relationship the first time around, and it wasn’t his fault that I still loved him.”

“Did he ever discourage it?”

“Uh.” No, he didn’t. But it was a complicated situation for everyone. He wasn’t the only one to blame. “He shouldn’t have had to.”

“Fine, ok. My bad, go on.”

“Thanks. Anyway, Mel was a good doctor, and she helped Yara out. Owen was pretty adamant about leaving Seattle. He was an ex-Firefly, said he’d heard rumors about them regrouping somewhere in California. We all kind of agreed, and Yara wanted to go with us, but Lev wanted to go back and try to convince their mother to come.”

“The Fireflies are regrouping?” The last remnants of drowsiness were gone from Ellie’s voice, replaced by alertness. Abby looked at her to see that she had tensed up, clearly shaken.

“I mean, we only heard rumors. Why- oh, yeah, you were with them for awhile. Yeah, Owen thought they were in Santa Barbara or something. But we never actually went to look.”

“Why not?” Ellie asked, relaxing back into the couch incrementally.

“Lev went back to the Seraphites’ island to get his mom,” Abby sighed. “Yara and I followed, his mother was pretty awful to him anyway. We were on the island right as the massive battle broke out. Shit happened.”

“Yara?”

“Never left the island,” Abby confirmed heavily. Ellie swore softly, setting her guitar on the ground. She stood, putting a pillow by Dina’s feet as a replacement for her leg and moved to sit beside Abby.

“That’s… fuck. That’s horrible,” she sighed, leaning into Abby’s side. She felt warm and solid. Dina’s presence was something akin to a gravitational force, pulling everyone into orbit around her, but Abby was discovering that Ellie was different. Something steadier. Less pull, more push.

(Just as easy to become addicted to.)

“Yeah,” Abby finally replied, putting the warmth that Ellie seemed to radiate at the back of her mind. “Yeah, it was bad. I saw my-“ friends get massacred? Bleed out, burn to ash while trapped in a collapsing building? How could Abby begin to describe the brutality of what happened on that island? “A lot of my friends died there.”

“Fuck. Owen and Mel?”

“Nope.” Abby laughed wryly, hearing the bitter notes in it and cringing at the sound. “No, they were back near home base, perfectly safe and sound. Hidden away in Owen’s favorite spot, totally safe.”

“Abby?” She could feel Ellie’s hand on her back, just between her shoulder blades. “You’re crying.”

“Am I?” Abby questioned, huffing out another bitter laugh as she wiped her face. Sure enough, there were lines of tears trailing down her face. She hadn’t even noticed her eyes stinging. “Huh.”

“We can stop. You don’t have to tell me everything.”

“I want to.” Abby shifted, half-turning towards Ellie. “I want to.” 

Ellie looked at her, so obviously trying to act casual but so much more obviously concerned. She was never very good at concealing her feelings. But she seemed to find whatever she was searching for in Abby’s own eyes, and she finally just nodded and waited for Abby to finish her story.

“We thought Owen and Mel were safe because all of the Wolves were off fighting at the island. We figured that they’d be ok. But apparently, just enough people were still back near the compound to take a detour, clean up those pesky defectors and tie up loose ends.” Abby turned away again. “They were both dead when we got back.”

“Oh, Abby. Shit, I’m… come here.” Ellie tugged at Abby’s shirt, pulling her halfway into her lap in an embrace. Abby went rigid for a few seconds, unsure of how to react, before finally letting her head fall against Ellie’s chest and the rest of her body go slack as she relaxed into the girl’s arms.

Ellie held her for a while, whispering apologies and condolences against the top of her head. Abby fought against the tears continuing to build up in her eyes, but lost the battle when she felt Ellie gently press a kiss to her hairline. She sobbed quietly into Ellie’s chest, beating herself up for it all the while in her head.

(Stupid. You’re acting like a child, being weak. Lev has a reason to cry, he’s just a kid. You’re a goddamn adult, you could stand to fucking act like it. Weak, fucking waste of breath-)

Ellie pressed another kiss to her forehead. It felt a bit like a rescue with how it made the angry voice in her mind retreat.

Abby eventually collected herself, leaning slightly away but letting Ellie keep an arm around her shoulders. She recounted how she and Lev had made their way out of Seattle, wandering aimlessly for a few days before hearing stories about a safe settlement in Wyoming. With nowhere else to go, they decided to try their luck and see if maybe they could find at least a semi-permanent shelter.

Ellie listened quietly until Abby was silent and the last word had faded from the air around them. “Well, I was right,” she finally said. “My story was way more boring.”

“I think you’re just a bad storyteller,” Abby smiled weakly.

“How dare you.”

(An hour later, Dina woke up as her alarm blared. She quickly turned it off, blinking sleep from her eyes, looking around to find Ellie-

Who was curled on the floor between Abby and the armchair, an arm tossed over the taller girl, pulling her back against her chest.

Dina knew Ellie liked to be the big spoon, but this was possibly the strangest and most adorable evidence of it that she’d ever seen. She quietly grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch and spread it over the two of them. In the morning, she’d make fun of them for their choice of mattress, but for now, she resolved to let them sleep.)

—————————————————————————————————

Despite finally knowing Ellie’s story, there were still some things about the girl that confused Abby. Her general upbeat and goofy demeanor was one, especially since Abby had a feeling that there was more to her past than she let on. Another thing that mystified her was Ellie’s relationship with Joel.

Dina wouldn’t tell her anything besides what was common knowledge. “They traveled together for a long time, and they were pretty close when they first came to Jackson. But, you know, Ellie started to grow a bit apart and then they had this big blowout fight a few years ago. I don’t even know what it was about, but they’re really only just starting to make amends. Shit’s complicated.”

Shit was indeed complicated. Ellie would disappear once a week for movie nights with Joel, but never talked about anything other than the movies they watched. Considering Joel generally went on patrols with Tommy, and otherwise worked odd jobs around Jackson, Abby had only ever really exchanged small talk with the slightly mysterious man who was Ellie’s father in all but name.

She didn’t really feel a need for that to change, but as tended to be her luck, whatever cosmic power existed didn’t fucking care.

“Hey, I’m here for the last of Lev’s- the fuck is this?” Abby stood in the doorway to Lev’s room, staring at the scene before her. A number of small wooden planks were scattered all across the floor, some nailed together in a lattice pattern in the center of the room, the others seemingly just tossed aside at random. A small mattress was leaned against the wall, a pile of nails beside it. In the middle of the materials sat Ellie, cursing under her breath as she hammered away at another plank, trying to connect it with the pattern on the floor. Sitting opposite to her was Joel, who was drinking a beer and watching. If Abby knew him better, she might consider that he was amused.

“‘Lo there,” he said lowly, tipping his beer towards Abby. “Here for your boy’s things?”

“Wha- oh, Abby, hey!” Ellie dropped the hammer to wave dorkily at her friend. “I thought you weren’t coming til later!”

Abby returned the wave with a smirk. “Tommy let me off wall duty a bit early. Figured I’d get the last of Lev’s stuff and bring it to the new place.”

About a month and a half before Dina’s due date, the vacant house had finally been fixed up and was ready to move into. Lev was excited to have his own space in a house solely for the two of them, but Abby had felt an odd pang in her chest at the thought of moving out. (She really should go to the clinic soon about that.) Dina and Ellie seemed excited though, probably to have Dina’s house to themselves, so she stayed quiet about it until they finally brought her and Lev to see their new place. 

Dina had walked outside, walked about 30 feet to the right, and stopped in her tracks. She pointed to the house across the street, just diagonal from her own. “Well? Don’t you want to go get the tour, neighbors?”

Moving out felt better after that, but it was still a process. Abby had figured it would be easy, but Lev had somehow accumulated so much stuff in Jackson that it was impossible to take it all in one trip. It had been annoying, but Abby couldn’t complain since it gave her the opportunity to see this.

(She resolutely decided that ‘this’ meant awkward family bonding time. ‘This’ in no way, shape, or from referred to Ellie in an olive green tank top with a hammer in hand. That would be gross of her, to look at her friend like that when she knew Ellie wouldn’t approve of it. So that wasn’t ‘this’. Not at all.)

(Maybe a little bit.)

“Ok, sure,” Ellie said. “We put it out in the hallway so we wouldn’t accidentally nail it to the crib or something.”

“Is that what this is?”

“It would be if Ellie would let me do more of the work,” Joel grumbled.

Ellie turned to him, pointing the hammer threateningly. “You are not cleared for active duty, old man. Just watch and tell me if I do something wrong.”

“You’ve done so many things wrong.”

“Just watch in silence and drink your beer.”

Joel raised his beer to his mouth, finished off the bottle, and looked Ellie dead in the eyes. “You’ve done so many things wrong.”

“You’re about to have so many broken bones.”

“Can’t build the crib if you use the hammer to break his bones,” Abby interjected as Ellie and Joel stared at each other, seemingly locked in a contest of wills. “What if the handle snaps? What’s your backup plan here?”

“I thought you’d be ok with aggravated assault,” Ellie replied quickly, not looking away from her staring contest with Joel.

“Yeah, but make it classy. Use a champagne bottle or something.”

“I see Dina’s had an influence on you,” Joel said, his lips quirking upward. “What does she call herself?”

“The classiest bitch in the northeast?”

“That’s it,” Joel chuckled. “She’s somethin’ else.”

“The absolute best,” Ellie agreed, breaking her staring contest with Joel to turn back to her attempt at crib construction. “And she asked me to get this done, so I have to.”

“It looks fine so far,” Abby complimented, smiling when Ellie whipped towards Joel.

“Vindication! Abby think’s it’s fine!”

“Vindication is a mighty big word for someone without a brain.”

“I’m smarter than you!”

“Not a better crib-builder though.”

Ellie huffed. “Whatever. What next?”

‘Next, you go get a drink. You’ve been at this for two hours and I haven’t seen you get a sip of water. Dehydration and construction don’t mix well.”

“Whatever, mom,” Ellie groaned. “Don’t hurt yourself while I’m gone, I want to be here to make fun of you.” She got to her feet, trudging out of the door, hesitating for just a moment to gently squeeze Abby’s shoulder before disappearing down the hall, leaving the other girl alone with Joel.

Abby stood awkwardly for a moment, pretending to examine Ellie’s progress with the crib before speaking. “What did she mean, you aren’t cleared for active duty?”

Joel grunted. “Fucked up my wrist on my last patrol. Can’t quite hold a gun right, and intensive labor is apparently strictly forbidden.”

“That’s rough.”

“Mm. How much has Ellie told you about her past?”

Abby, who had really only been prepared for more small talk, was taken aback. “Um. What do you mean?”

“She talks about you at movie nights. Used to be she’d only talk about Dina, maybe mention one of her other dumbass friends, but she actually talks about you. Ain’t hard to tell that she likes you, trusts you. What’s she told you?”

“Enough,” Abby answered after a minute of thinking. “Not too many details, but I got the broad picture.”

Joel nodded. “Apologies for seeming rude, but Ellie… she and I don’t talk as much as we used to. I just worry.”

“Right, yeah. If it helps, Ellie is pretty quiet about her past. She’s loud about other things, I think she gets away with it by doing her whole comic nerd routine, but she doesn’t bring up her life before Jackson much. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Somethin’ like that,” Joel sighed. “She doesn’t want me protecting her, but I just gotta make sure she’s safe.”

“I get it,” Abby offered. “If Lev and I suddenly stopped talking, even if he was pissed at me for the rest of his life, I’d want to make sure he was ok.”

“He seems like a good kid. Ellie likes him, she’s got a whole box of books and shit to give him.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm. Says it’s for educational purposes, but I think she’s just glad to rope someone into that nerd stuff.”

“I’ll never forgive her if she gets him obsessed with those ridiculous comics.”

Joel laughed. “You seen the trading cards she collects?”

“The superhero ones? She has so many!”

“I always think she’s got all of them but then she finds more somewhere. It shouldn’t be possible.”

“Shouldn’t be possible for you to be alive, you fossil.” Ellie grumbles from the doorway, holding a half empty water bottle. “And you, Anderson, you collect old coins. Don’t make fun of my trading cards.”

“Coins are infinitely more respectable than superhero cards,” Abby retorted.

“She’s right.”

“Shut up!”

Abby spent the rest of the afternoon in the room with Ellie and Joel, occasionally helping with the crib but mostly helping Joel heckle Ellie as she worked. (And if she stole a few glances at Ellie’s arms, no one was the wiser.) Eventually, a Dina-approved crib was standing in the center of the room.

“Look at that, kiddo. Maybe there’s an architect in you after all,” Joel said as he inspected the crib one last time. Ellie scoffed.

“Yeah, not likely. I think I hit my fingers with the hammer more than any of the nails.”

“Eh, you’ll just need practice.”

“Maybe-“ Ellie cleared her throat, suddenly appearing shy as she scuffed the toe of her boot against the floor, not meeting Joel’s eyes. “I could practice in your woodworking shop? If you’re still doing that?”

Joel’s back went rigid. Abby could see his hands clench the wooden bars of the crib tightly, but when he spoke his voice was gentle. “I’d like that.”

“Cool. Cool,” Ellie said, finally looking up Joel, a small smile on her face. “This Saturday, maybe?”

“Sure, I’m free.”

“Great. Ok.”

“Ok.” Joel stood awkwardly for a second, clearly trying to tamp down his eagerness before it got overwhelming. “I should, uh, be heading home.”

“Yeah, of course. See you Saturday.”

“Right, Saturday.” Joel made to leave the room, but stopped in the doorway. “Abby, would you mind if I helped you bring some of Lev’s stuff to your new house?”

“Oh, no, I’d appreciate it,” Abby replied quickly. There were only two boxes, both of which she could handle with ease, but she got the sense that Joel was making an excuse to talk with her.

The two each grabbed a box, heading out the front door and down the street. As soon as they were on the sidewalk, Joel spoke.

“I’m glad Ellie’s got a friend like you.”

Abby almost dropped her box. “What?”

“Dina, she’s great for Ellie, pulls her out of her shell. But she’s always in motion, you know? You seem steadier. Ellie could use the balance.”

“Ellie’s pretty steady all on her own,” Abby replied.

“Sure. But I’m glad she has someone to look after her when she isn’t feeling too solid.”

“Dina does that.”

“In a different manner than you. All I’m saying is Ellie benefits from both.” Joel’s words were light, but there was something in his tone that Abby wasn’t quite willing to decode. “Dina’s probably the same.”

“I don’t think I know what you’re saying.”

“I told you Ellie talks about you, right?” Joel chuckled as they reached the front door of Abby’s home. “I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing. I’m sure you’ll figure out what I mean eventually.”

—————————————————————————————————

Lev loved the new house, with all its open space and rooms. He quickly claimed the spare bedroom as a meditation space, which Abby allowed because she knew meditation was his way of trying to cope with his fucked-up views about spirituality. She was proud of him for facing his issues like that, so she resigned herself to keeping her weapons in a closet in the entry hallway and training in the backyard. With Joel’s help, she managed to build some basic equipment, and Dina gave her some extra weights and barbells, and Abby had never been so happy to have her workout routine back on track. And now, since Lev always woke up as early as she did, she didn’t have to worry about waking anyone else up.

Abby fell into a new routine once more. Wake up, work out, make breakfast for Lev, and then hang out until she had to go to work. These days she was mostly helping shore up the weak spots along the wall, so it was a fairly standard schedule. Abby secretly enjoyed how similar that aspect of life in Jackson was to life in the WLF compound. After she was done with work, she’d check in with Lev and then spend the rest of the afternoon at Dina’s.

It was comfortable. It was peaceful. It was interrupted, as life tended to be, by Ellie.

Abby was sure of this, because the only one stupid enough to pound incessantly at her door at two in the morning was Ellie.

“I’m here, christ, the fuck do you want?” Abby yanked the door open to reveal Ellie, fist raised the air to knock on the door another time. Abby caught her wrist before she could hit her instead of the door.

“Dina, it’s Dina. She’s having- fuck, she’s having the baby. She’s going into labor.”

“What?” Abby stiffened, mind racing. “I thought we had a few more weeks?”

“Yeah, turns out the baby’s more punctual than any of us. We gotta hustle, Dina’s gonna decapitate us if we take any longer to get there.”

Abby nodded, slipping on her boots and following Ellie down the road. “Why’d you stop for me?”

“Huh?”

“You should be there with Dina, why’d you come get me?”

Ellie shrugged. “She’s already at the clinic, I was just coming back to get her overnight bag. I know she’d want you to be there.”

Abby could think of no reply. There was no world in which that made sense. Why would Dina want her there? She would have Ellie, and Jesse, and anyone else she wanted with her. Why Abby? What had she done to earn a spot in that room?

Despite her confusion, there was no time to sort the thought out before they arrived at the clinic. Ellie sprinted inside, leaving Abby to follow her to the birthing room that had been set up.

Dina was in the center, nurses and doctors milling about her as she groaned quietly, eyes closed. She looked up when she heard the door open, and the relief on her face when she saw Ellie was palpable. “Ellie,” she breathed.

“I’m here, babe. You’re doing great.” Ellie crossed the room to stand at Dina’s side, taking her hand between her own and smiling at her. “You’re doing so great.”

“Do I look hot?”

“Definitely. Hottest you’ve ever been, for sure.”

“Flirt. Did you bring-“

“Yep.” Abby expected Ellie to show Dina the overnight bag, but instead she gestured at her. “Delivery for Dina, one absurdly muscled woman in her pajamas.”

Dina brightened when she caught sight of Abby, who was standing awkwardly a few feet away. “Hey there. Ellie annoyed you awake like I asked?”

“Pretty much,” Abby replied, drifting slightly closer to the cot Dina was resting on. Dina rolled her eyes and pointed to the side of the bed where Ellie was standing. 

“C’mon. If I break Ellie’s hand during this, I’m gonna need a backup.”

Abby, unable to convince herself to act unaffected, stumbled to Ellie’s side. “How are you feeling?”

“Ok. Apparently we caught it early so it’s gonna be just a little while before the main event really kicks off.”

“Where’s Jesse?”

“Waiting outside. The man can chop up infected all day long but even thinking about watching me give birth makes him queasy.” Dina wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know if I should be offended.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?” Ellie offered.

“Why is that always your solution?”

“I always want to beat up Jesse?”

“Less talk about violence, maybe? You’re about to be a co-parent,” Abby suggested.

Ellie went pale. “Oh fuck. Oh my god. Dina. I’m helping to raise this baby.”

“That is the plan.”

“Dina. No. I can’t.”

Dina’s expression was the definition of alarmed as she whipped her head to look at her girlfriend. “What do you mean? Ellie? I thought-“

“I’m so irresponsible,” Ellie said, eyes widening like she was coming to a realization. “I’m gonna teach them to do so many dumb things. Oh, fuck, I swear like a sailor. Dina, I keep a machete by my bed. Oh shit. I’m so dumb, like, all the time. What if that rubs off on the kid? What if they’re as reckless as I am? I’ve done so much dumb shit. I jumped off a dinosaur statue into a pool without knowing how deep the pool was. I almost shot Joel by accident once. I fell off a roof like two months ago, Dina!”

“Ellie, hey, you’re spiraling-“

“I tackled an infected! With no weapons on me! That was so fucking stupid, what if I make the kid stupid-“

“You won’t.” Abby pulled Ellie into her side, careful to make sure Dina could still keep a grip on her hand. “The kid’s gonna be a genius. They’re gonna be a nerd, because you’re gonna read them those stupid comics as bedtime stories, but they’re going to be fine. You’re going to teach them how to be careful around weapons, and how to take down an infected easily, and how to climb dinosaur statues. They’re going to be brave and loyal, just like you, and they’re going to be smart and kind, just like Dina. And, who knows, maybe some of Jesse’s responsible nature will rub off on them. They’re gonna have the best parents ever, so they’ll be ok. Simple as that.”

Ellie looked at Abby, searching her eyes for something. Abby pushed down her discomfort, ignored her desire to downplay her feelings, and let her sincerity shine through her gaze. 

Ellie relaxed into the taller girl, smiling weakly. “Yeah. Ok. You’re right.”

“Obviously. When have I ever been wrong?”

“I know there’s been an occasion. Just because I’m blanking right now doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.”

“This mean you’re not a flight risk anymore?” Dina piped up, raising an eyebrow at Ellie.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Ellie leaned over to kiss Dina’s forehead. “Just got scared for a minute. I’m good, Abby handled it.”

“Told you we’d need her.”

“I never said we wouldn’t!”

“You actually wanted me here?” Abby asked incredulously. “Why?”

“What do you mean, why? You’re our people. Our person. Of course we want you here.”

Abby felt light-headed. She knew Dina didn’t understand the enormity of that statement, that it didn’t mean to her what it did to Abby. But god. God. Fuck. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, couldn’t even begin to respond.

Their person. Theirs. Their person.

“Excuse me, miss? We can really only have one other person in the room during the birth. You can wait outside.” A nurse’s voice, accompanied by a tap on her shoulder, pulled Abby out of her head.

“I want her in here,” Dina argued. “Isn’t there enough room?”

“There really isn’t, you’d have to choose-“

“I’ll go,” Abby said. She squeezed Dina’s hand, smiling at her as best she could. “You’re gonna be fine, yeah?”

“Always.”

“Good. And you, fuckin moron-“ Abby gripped Ellie’s shoulder- “don’t let go of her hand. I won’t be here for backup when she inevitably breaks it, so you’re just going to have to let it happen.”

“I’ll come get you as soon as we can,” Ellie promised. “You can wait with Jesse, I think Joel might be on his way too.”

Abby nodded, backing out of the room slowly, tossing a salute at the pair before finally exiting.

She felt torn. Part of her wanted nothing more than to be in that room, but another part of her wanted to pack her bags and abandon Jackson in the middle of the night. Take Lev and run, before it all got too messy and complicated and dangerous. It would become so, Abby knew it would. She’d had people before. She’d buried them. Lev was all she had, all she was capable of protecting. Dina, Ellie, this new baby, how could she hold on to all of that? Abby wasn’t meant to have all of that. 

It was karma, plain and simple. She had abandoned her person in her hunt for revenge, and so now she was cursed to lose all of her people. Lev seemed to be the exception, but asking the universe to let her have feelings like these without retribution was too much of a stretch. She’d lose them both. Or they’d lose each other and it’d be her fault. God, it would all be her fault, everything else already was, and now she was going to hurt the two people she loved. Abby collapsed into a chair, head in her hands. She knew she should leave, but her limbs wouldn’t let her move. Distantly, in the back of her mind, she saw Ellie on her doorstep, telling her that she was needed.

Was she?

“Uh, hey. This seat taken?” Abby really had to learn to have these mental breakdowns in places where she wouldn’t be interrupted. She looked up to see Jesse standing in front of her, gesturing at the chair on her right.

“Nope. Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” Jesse sat quickly, leg bouncing as he settled into the seat. “Ellie brought you?”

“Yep.”

“That’s good. You should be here.”

“Why?” Abby asked bluntly. “Not like I’m the father.”

Jesse laughed. “Nah, but you’re the third member of the trio. Just as important in this situation.”

“Trio?”

“You, Ellie, and Dina. You’re all your own little unit.”

“I’m just the third-wheel, man,” Abby grunted. “Anyone could do it.”

“They wouldn’t let anyone else do it. I dated Dina, for a long fuckin time. And I’ve been friends with Ellie for awhile too. Dina, she’s slow to trust. She’s friendly, but she doesn’t actually like or trust that many people. And Ellie, she’s always sorta joking, you know? That’s her cover. No one suspects the goofy one is actually the most dangerous. They both put on that kinda thing to keep themselves hidden. But they don’t hide from you.”

“Do you always give random exposition monologues to your acquaintances in hospital waiting rooms?” Abby asked, unwilling to process what he’d said. She’d deal with it later.

Jesse just smiled. “Well, I’m about to be a father. Kind of a weird night.”

“S’pose that’s fair.”

“Mmm. Ellie’s in there with her, right?”

“Yep. Dina’s gonna snap her hand like a twig.”

“Oh, no doubt. She’s gonna be very upset with herself about it, but there’s no way Ellie will end up with anything less than a fracture.”

“Bottle of whiskey says at least two bones are broken by the end of the night.”

“You’re on.”

Abby felt calmer as she and Jesse fell into a comfortable silence. His leg was still bouncing, but Abby didn’t blame him. She was anxious and it wasn’t even her kid, in any capacity.

“How do you fit into this whole thing?” Abby asked, curious. “I mean, how much time are you gonna spend with the baby?”  
“Oh, loads,” Jesse replied easily. “I’m not going be some shitty absent father. Obviously the baby will need a lot of time with Dina, but I’ll be helping whenever I can. She and Ellie are going to be busy, so someone has to be there when they can’t be. And I was thinking I could teach the kid some stuff, you know? Ellie’s better in combat than me, but I could teach them about strategy and survival skills. Plus, you, know, how to read and all that. It’s so weird,” Jesse chuckled. “I didn’t think I’d ever really get this.”

“A kid?”

“Yeah. Being a father and all. I wanted to be, but well. Shit’s fucked, right?”

“I didn’t think I’ve ever heard you curse,” Abby smiled.

“Stress brings it out of me. I wanted to be a dad, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon, or like this. I mean, I’m ready for it, but-“

“You ain’t.” Both Abby and Jesse looked up to see Joel leaning against the opposite wall, watching them with a smile. “You ain’t ready. No one is. You think you are, you think you’re prepared, but in a little while you’re gonna have a baby in your arms and every plan you thought was solid is gonna fall through. There’s no being ready for that.”

“You’ve had kids?” Abby questioned.

“Two daughters. I wasn’t ready either time.”

“What can I do?” Jesse asked, his leg finally going still as he had something to really focus on. “To be ready?”

“Not a damn thing. You just… you just keep adapting. The kid won’t ever do what you think they will, and you just have to roll with it. Nothing has ever been so dependent on you as this kid will be, and you can’t even comprehend how important you’ll be to them. You’ll fuck up, and it’ll hurt you both, but you just keep going. Keep adapting.”

“How old were you? When you had your daughters?”

“First time I was only seventeen. Second time was about 6 years ago.”

“What? How is that-“

“Ellie was fourteen when I met her, but she’s my daughter for damn sure,” Joel said gruffly, glaring at Jesse as if daring him to challenge the statement. Jesse just nodded, clearly thinking about the advice he had been offered.

“And hey, Joel, now you’re going to be a grandpa,” Abby offered in the ensuing silence.

Joel’s entire face brightened. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He sounded- Abby couldn’t even think of the word. It was almost reverent, spoken like a prayer. Abby distantly thought that Joel had probably never imagined that could be true.

And yet, here they all were, assembled in the waiting room of a clinic, waiting for their lives to change.

How could Abby have considered leaving, even briefly? This was where she had always been meant to end up.

\----------

JJ Williams was the most perfect person in existence. Abby had met him all of three seconds ago and she was a hundred percent sure of this. He hadn’t opened his eyes (neither had Dina, for that matter) but he would squirm ever so often in Ellie’s arms and the enraptured look on the girl’s face was enough to make Abby’s aching ribs flare up again.

“He’s perfect,” Abby breathed out. “He’s, fuck, Ellie, he’s amazing.”

“Ten little fingers and ten little toes.” Ellie smiled tearfully. “Only boy I’ll ever love, for sure.”

Abby snorted, dropping into the chair beside Ellie, careful not to jostle her for fear of waking the baby. “Dina’s ok?”

“Yeah, she’s just resting. Oh, when Jesse was in here earlier he said he owed you a bottle of whiskey? What was that about?”

“How many bones in your hand did Dina break?”

“Only, like, three. I think. It doesn’t hurt too bad.”

“Well, good enough for me. I bet there’d be at least two.”

“Smart. I really thought for a minute she’d just rip my whole arm off.”

“That bad?”

“I was less afraid for my life when a cannibal had me locked in a cage.”

“What?” Abby asked, alarmed. “Cannibal?”

“Long story, tell you later. For now, look at my kid. My little JJ.”

Abby took a moment to examine the bundle in Ellie’s arms. “Ellie.”

“Hm?”

“He’s very cute, and I already adore him, but.”

“But?”

“Doesn’t he kinda look like a potato?”

Ellie turned to Abby, clearly affronted, and then looked back at JJ. Her eyes widened, and her shoulder shook with silent laughter. “You’re right,” she giggled. “He does.”

“A very cute potato.”

“The absolute cutest.”

“The perfect potato.”

“A stunning spud,” Ellie countered with a grin. Abby smiled back, tossing her arm around the other girl’s shoulders.

“The most stunning spud.”

“Mhm. I mean, who’d expect otherwise? He’s Dina’s kid.”

“Very true. Plus, you know, Jesse.”

“What about him?”

“Objectively, he’s pretty good-looking,” Abby shrugged. 

The horror on Ellie’s face was comparable to if Abby had just told her she was infected. “That’s…. Disgusting. So gross. Never say such heterosexual words around my child again.”

“Ellie. The kid may in fact be a heterosexual.”

“Yeah, I know. Might work out better for me, at least I could help him with girls, you know?”

“You could not,” a raspy voice interjected. Abby and Ellie turned to see Dina smiling tiredly at them from her bed. “You are so not allowed to give him girl advice, he’ll be just as clueless as you and some poor girl is gonna have to kiss him at the winter dance in front of everyone for him to take the hint.”

“That’s incredibly biased storytelling,” Ellie argued. “I was perfectly justified in my confusion.”

“Right, ok. Can you hand me my son? I want to make sure he knows which of his mothers will actually be good at girl advice.”

“Neither of you will be,” Abby declared, shrugging at the offended looks they both shot her. “What? Dina, you’re a great flirt but you suck at explicitly saying what you want, and your hints may seem clear to you but they can be fairly easily misinterpreted. Ellie, you’re a total romantic, but you’re oblivious as all hell in a truly disastrous way. JJ will be doomed if he takes advice from either of you.”

Dina stared at her. “Fine. But if it turns out he needs guy advice then it’s all me.”

“Yeah, I’d prefer that too,” Ellie answered as she passed JJ over to Dina. “Here’s the little potato.”

“The. The what?”

Abby laughed. “What do his actual initials stand for? I never heard, is it just Jesse junior?”

“Nope,” Dina smiled, clearly pleased with herself. “This is Jesse Joel Williams, named for both his dad and grandpa. And, you know, his other mom.”

“Dina wanted to make sure everyone knew he was mine too,” Ellie said, a quiet but undeniable joy in her voice. “She’s sweet like that.”

“Flatterer.” Dina shifted over on the bed, tugging at Ellie’s sleeve until Ellie acquiesced and laid down beside her. Abby hadn’t realized how big the bed was until then, but it seemed much larger than any of the others in the clinic. Maybe it was meant to be, so that families would have a comfortable place to rest after welcoming a new member.

“Abby,” Dina groaned. “You gonna come here or not?”

“What?”

“Yeah, c’mere. Bed’s big enough,” Ellie slurred, her own exhaustion making itself known as soon as her head hit a pillow.

“But- shouldn’t that be Jesse’s spot or something?”

Dina wrinkled her nose. “Nope. Love the guy, but he snores and I’ve dealt with that for long enough.”

“Jesse’s not allowed in any bed that I’m in,” Ellie murmured, face still buried in the pillow next to Dina’s shoulder. 

Abby drifted closer to the bed, letting her fingertips brush the soft sheets. “Are you sure?”

Dina grabbed her wrist and tugged her closer, just as she did to Ellie. “Hurry up and take your shoes off and get in here.”

Abby did.

That night, she slept better than she ever had before, but something was off anyway. Ever since she had rescued Lev and Yara, she hadn’t dreamt of her father. It was something she knew very clearly, considering how often he’d been the starring role in her nightmares before then. Finally, after she had helped them, it wasn’t a nightmare. It wasn’t a good dream, but it wasn’t bad.

This time, though. This dream?

Her father being the one to help Dina, to hand Ellie the baby, telling her it was a boy? Making space in the room so she could be there, so that she could hold Dina’s other hand and laugh with Ellie when both of them ended up with broken fingers?

That was decidedly a good dream.

—————————————————————————————————

Life after JJ was different, and Abby was simultaneously thrilled and unbalanced. The routine she valued so highly was interrupted, and it was hard to settle into a new one because she never knew when she’d be needed at Dina’s house. Ellie had fully moved in, and Jesse was helping whenever he could, but it turned out babies were a truly absurd amount of work. Even Lev got asked to help every once in a while, though Abby suspected he really enjoyed his time as a babysitter. (It helped that Dina paid him in chocolate, which he was quickly becoming addicted to.)

Even beyond JJ, life in Jackson was busy. There had always been work to do, but Abby had never been stretched so thin before, even at the WLF. Which is why, odd as it may sound, wandering thirty miles south in search of a supermarket sounded like a lovely break.

Maria disagreed.

“I’m not letting the three of you leave to go find a Walmart. No. Absolutely not.”

“But Mariaaaa,” Ellie whined. “We have to!”

“For what?”

“Reasons,” Dina answered.

“That’s the least convincing-“

“It’s for Lev,” Abby said. “He needs stuff.”

“Stuff,” Maria repeated dubiously. She sighed as she took in Ellie’s enthusiastic nod and Abby’s crossed arms. “How long do you need?”

“Just a day, maybe a little bit longer? We know where we’re going, no stops along the way, and we know what we’re looking for once we get there. Shouldn’t be much trouble.”

“We just need horses,” Dina said. 

“I can’t give you three horses at once for anything other than a patrol,” Maria replied.

“Just Japan and Shimmer, then. Two is enough.”

The older woman looked at the trio assembled before her. Ellie was making puppy eyes, Dina looked like she just wouldn’t move until she got her way, and Abby was trying to project the most uncompromising energy possible.

Maria folded. “Fine. Just Japan and Shimmer. If you’re not back before nightfall, I’ll tell Joel all about it.”

“Deal,” Ellie grinned. 

“Yeah yeah. Get out of here before I change my mind. You got someone with JJ?”

“Lev’s babysitting.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Yeah, he’s great with babies apparently. No clue how.”

Lev really was great with JJ. Abby was mystified by it, especially since she felt like she never knew what to do with the baby. She wasn’t a people person, and that evidently extended to tiny people as well. Matter of fact, the only person she ever seemed to be any good with was Lev, which is exactly why she found herself spending her one free day this month doing this.

Ellie and Dina were locked in debate as they made their way to the stables. “She can’t ride with you, Japan’s already got a bad leg and two people is a stretch even on her best days.”

“Shimmer is old and has to deal with your annoying ass all the time, give her a break and let Abby ride with me.”

“Shimmer’s not that old!”

“That’s the part you choose to argue?” Abby asked. “Never mind. Which horse is stronger?”

“Shimmer!”

“Japan can hold her own,” Dina answered, but the self-doubt in her tone wasn’t difficult to pick up on.

“How about I ride with Ellie on the way there and we’ll see if Japan’s up to it on the way back?” Abby suggested.

“Fine, but I’m holding you to that.”

“I don’t doubt it. Let’s get a move on.”

It was about a three hour trek to the Walmart that they were looking for. They didn’t run into any trouble on the way there, and Abby hoped their luck would hold through the entire trip. Although, considering who she was with, she should have known better,

“Who the fuck decided a store needed to be this big?” Ellie marveled as they looked at the massive building before them.

“Can you imagine this place filled with fresh food?”

“Shit, we could feed all of Jackson for a week.”

“Two weeks, at least,” Dina agreed. 

“Yeah, well, we’re not here for food,” Abby said. “And we can’t be here for long. This is a get in and out fast situation, right? If you find anything useful, grab it, but otherwise we take the binder and we go.”

“What if we don’t find one?” Ellie asked as she nudged the doors open.

“Then we find a different store location. I’ll go to goddamn Maine if that’s what it takes to find what Lev wants.”

Ellie shot a grin at her. “You’re such a fuckin sap.”

“Fuck you.”

“Back at you. Any idea where to start?”

“Bra section?” Dina suggested. 

“Good a place as any. Stick together, I’d rather we move slow than get picked off one by one by any infected.”

Ellie took point while Dina walked behind her. Abby took the rear, and spent a few moments admiring how quickly the girls snapped into patrol mode and how well they worked together. Ellie cleared the area efficiently while Dina scanned their surroundings more thoroughly, looking for signs that may point them in the right direction. 

“There. Women’s section is up ahead in a few aisles, chances are the underwear won’t be far from that.”

“You see any signs for, like, a kid’s department? Maybe I could get him a few shirts too.”

“Junior’s section is up further, I think. Can’t really read from this far away.”

“You leave your glasses at home, grandma?” Ellie teased.

“I ain’t that much of a cougar, Williams. Eyes ahead.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“We’ll get what we came for first,” Abby decided. “Then we’ll see about anything else. Let’s move.”

They continued through the store until they found what they were looking for.

“Do you know what size he needs?” Dina asked quietly, sifting through the (meager) selections.

“Uh.”

“You didn’t ask him what size he needs?” Ellie turned to Abby. “You’re supposed to be the one who’s prepared!”

“I mean, how bad could it be if I guessed wrong?”

“Bad. This literally compresses a part of his body. If it’s too small, it could do serious damage to his ribs and back. If it’s too big, he won’t feel good in it. Hell, there are issues even if he wears the correctly-sized binder for too long, or goes day after day without any breaks. And don’t even think about letting him sleep in it.”

“How do you know all this?” Dina asked, impressed. Ellie shifted on her feet, rubbing at her neck before answering.

“Kinda thought about maybe getting one for a while.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Like. You thought maybe you’re like Lev?”

“Oh, no, not quite. I just thought it would maybe feel better, you know? I like looking a little more masculine.”

“So grab one then,” Abby said, still scanning her options for Lev.

“What?”

“If you think it’d make you feel better, grab one.”

“But. I don’t need one like Lev does,” Ellie refuted.

“So? There’s enough for both of you.”

“I mean, you know, I’m just a girl. I don’t think I’m supposed to want that.”

“Who cares what you’re supposed to want? If it makes you feel more comfortable about yourself, then do it.” Abby finally selected a size, figuring it should be about right for Lev. If not, they could always come back. She turned to Ellie, who was again shifting awkwardly. “You don’t have to. But if you think you’d like it, take one.”

Dina smiled. “Who’d’ve guessed that there’s actually a heart in that admittedly stunning body?”

“Oh, shut up,” Abby scoffed. “C’mon, let’s hurry up. I want to be home by sundown.”

They left the building quickly, but Abby smiled when she saw Ellie quickly grab a binder in her size.

“Well, all in all, I’d call this a resounding success,” Dina said as soon as they got outside. “Now we’ll have something to bring up when Maria says we only ever get into trouble.”

“Yeah, turns out we can actually have things go well. Never would have guessed,” Ellie replied. 

“Don’t jinx it,” Dina scolded. “Let’s grab the horses and go.”

“Right, let’s- where did they go?”

“We tied them up right out here, didn’t we?” Abby asked, looking around. Their leads were still tied to some posts, but the horses were gone.

“Oh, I got them, they must have gotten loose-fuck!”

Abby and Dina turned to see Ellie clutching at her arm, stumbling back as a runner lurched forward at her.

“I found the horses and some friends!” Ellie shouted, dodging as the runner took another swipe at her. “But maybe we don’t bring the friend home?”

“Duck!” Dina shouted. Ellie dropped to the ground without hesitation as Dina took aim and blew the infected’s head off.

Abby immediately pulled her gun and strained her ears. Sure enough, she could hear more infected growling in the distance. “Come on, we gotta go.”

“Yeah, you share-“

“Ellie.”

There was no word that came to Abby’s mind to describe Dina’s tone. Horror didn’t do it justice. Surprise, honor, grief, it was some horrible mixture of them all, and it slid down Abby’s spine until it had flooded her. One word was enough to hurt, and Abby knew, distantly, what had happened without even seeing it for herself.

Ellie somehow remained clueless. “What? What is it? Are you ok?”

“Ellie,” Dina repeated in that same horrible tone. “Your arm.”

“What? My burn? You’ve seen- shit.”

Ellie twisted her other arm as much as she could, trying to look just above her elbow.

Sure enough, a bleeding bite mark was obvious on her arm.

Ellie, paler than usual, looked back up at Dina and Abby. Abby immediately averted her gaze, but couldn’t make herself walk away.

“Dina, hey, it’s ok-“

“Don’t fucking say that. God, Ellie, it’s not ok.”

“No, it is, really, just let me show you-“

“Not a step closer.” Abby looked up. Ellie was stopped, hands up in surrender, looking disbelievingly forwards. Abby turned to her side to see Dina, tears freely streaming down her face, gun aimed.

At Ellie.

“Dina.” Ellie sounded devastated. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t come closer.” Dina’s voice was steadier than her hands. “Stay right there.”

“Dina, I’m gonna be ok. I’m not going to turn.”

“Yes you are,” Dina scoffed, a mixture of anger and sadness in the sound. “Everyone does. There’s no avoiding it, Ellie.”

“Dina,” Abby finally spoke up. “Give me the gun.”

“Abby,” Ellie appealed. “Please, help-“

“Give me the gun and go get the horses. We don’t have time for this.”

Dina stared at Abby. Her eyes were… shit, Abby never wanted to see her like this again. But her gaze held until she found whatever she was looking for in Abby’s eyes, and she handed the gun over and walked away, shoulders tensed as though she was preparing herself to hear a gunshot.

Abby looked at the gun and then at Ellie. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Then don’t,” Ellie said softly. “Trust me.”

“Tell me why you won’t turn.”

“I’m immune,” Ellie said quickly, the words rushing out of her. “I always have been. I told you about Riley, but I didn’t tell you everything. We both got bit that night. She turned, I didn’t.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not. I’m immune. Joel brought me to the Fireflies to see if they could make a cure out of me, but it would have killed me. So instead, he got me out.”

“Wait.” Pieces were falling into place. “Joel. He took you from the Fireflies?”

“Yes.”

“They didn’t just let that slide.”

“No.” Ellie looked down.

“Did Joel kill the Fireflies?” Ellie was silent. “Ellie. Did he do it?”

Ellie took in a breath. “Yes,” she exhaled. “Yeah. He did.”

Abby looked at the girl in front of her. She felt the weight of the gun in her hand. She remembered Owen, how he mourned for the Fireflies that were his friends, his family. She looked at Ellie again.

“Put your hands down, I’m not gonna shoot you.”

“You aren’t?” Ellie slowly lowered her arms, wincing as the movement seemed to irritate the injury.

“No. Been there, done that. I’m done looking for revenge, especially for other people, and if you say you’re immune, I trust you. Don’t make me wrong.”

“I won’t.”

“How are you immune?” Abby asked as she lowered the gun.

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I just am.”

“So you’ve been infected?”

“Yeah,” Ellie answered shakily, still standing in the same spot, despite Abby having dropped the threatening stance.

“Can it transfer to other people?”

“As far as I can tell, no. I was worried about it at first, but it seems like it doesn’t work like that.”

As silence fell between them, Abby turned around to see Dina coming back with the horses. “What’s-“

“She says she’s immune, and I believe her,” Abby said. “You and I will take Japan and ride in front, she’ll ride behind us on Shimmer. Any sign of her turning, and I’ll handle it. You get us back home.”

Dina looked away from where her gaze had fallen on Ellie and nodded. She got on Shimmer without a word or a second glance at Ellie, who just seemed resigned.

“Ok,” Abby said, feeling a tug in her ribs. She didn’t know who it was pulling her to. Maybe it was pulling her to both of them, and she’d end up splitting down the middle. “Let’s go home.”

—————

A week passed. And then another. And then a third.

Three weeks was an unbearably long time when your favorite people aren’t themselves, or just aren’t around.

Dina was quiet, quieter than Abby had ever seen her. Lev was more sullen than usual, even with his new binder. JJ cried often, and neither Dina or Jesse could get him to stop. (Abby managed it once, but it was only because she gave him one of the hoodies Ellie had loaned her.)

Abby hadn’t seen Ellie since their trip. She had gotten back to Jackson and disappeared. The few times Abby had gone to Joel, he said that she wasn’t around. Sometimes Abby thought he was covering for her, but he looked just as concerned as she felt.

Abby knew that Dina would forgive Ellie as soon as an apology was offered. She was miserable without her, everyone was. The house was too damn quiet; it felt suffocating.

Abby had to get out. “Going for a walk,” she told Lev. “Be back in a bit, help Dina if she needs it. Maybe go play with JJ?”

“Ok. Be safe.”

“Always am.”

Once she was outside, Abby could feel her shoulders drop. The tension inside was getting to be too much to bear, and the escape was a welcome distraction. She started ambling along with no real direction in mind.

How could she fix this? How could she make this better? What would it take to reunite Ellie and Dina? She’d gladly pay any price, do any task. She’d been around for less than a year, but she had never cared for anyone, excluding Lev, more than the two of them. 

Abby wasn’t used to this whole ‘caring’ thing, not really. But now that it was a part of her life, she couldn’t just make it stop.

She continued to shuffle down the streets, lost in thought. She let her feet take her wherever they pleased, paying no mind to her path or destination until she arrived in a familiar spot.

Abby looked at the boarded-up church that Ellie had shown her so early in her time at Jackson. She hadn’t thought much of it then, but now she was overwhelmed at Ellie’s welcoming nature. She had seemed so openly friendly. Abby never could have guessed about the complexity beneath the surface of her.

Abby was pulled from her memory by a muffled sound. Something like… music.

She climbed in through the broken window Ellie had shown her, and sure enough, she wasn’t disappointed.

Ellie sat where the church must have once had a podium. Her guitar was in her lap, and she was strumming softly. Abby had never heard the song she was playing, but it sounded sad. The light from the stained-glass windows fell on her in a dizzying array of color, and the tug in Abby’s chest made itself known again.

She ached and waited and finally, finally, spoke. “What’s that one called?”

Ellie jumped, startled out of her concentration. “Huh?”

“The song.”

“Oh. It… doesn’t have a name yet.”

“You wrote it?” Abby smiled when Ellie nodded. “That’s cool.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Honestly? I was just taking a walk. Heard you playing, decided to drop in.”

“Well, you’ve confirmed I’m alive. You don’t have to stick around anymore.”

“Nope, I found you and you can’t get rid of me. Good luck trying,” Abby said, coming to sit beside Ellie. “Show me how you play that thing.”

“What?”

“Show me how to play.”

“I- ok. Fine,” Ellie said, staring at Abby in confusion. “You see where I have my fingers?”

“Yep.”

“That’s an e chord.”

“Does playing it help with your e-motions?”

Ellie snorted. “You’re not funny.”

“Says you.”

“And everyone else.”

“How would you know? You haven’t been talking to anyone else.”

Ellie looked away. “So? They don’t wanna see me.”

“Bullshit,” Abby declared. “Lev misses you, Jesse misses you. Joel’s all worried about you, and JJ misses his other mom.”

“He does?”

“He keeps crying, and nothing works until we give him something of yours. He misses you. If he could talk, he’d be letting everyone know.”

Ellie turned back towards Abby. “He really misses me?”

“Yeah, dude. We all do. Dina’s been miserable, she’s barely talking, she’s not sleeping right-“

“She’s just upset about the break-up, she’ll get over it.”

“Break-up? What break-up?” Abby asked. “Did you dump her? Swear to fucking god, Ellie-“

“No! I wouldn’t, I would never. But she doesn’t want to see me again, so I’m pretty sure that counts.”

Abby hesitated. Then came the realization. “Ellie,” Abby said lowly. “Did she actually say that?”

Ellie paused. “No, but it was pretty obvious.”

“Oh my fucking god! You moron, she still wants you around, she loves you. She fucking loves you, Ellie, she’s not dumping you!”

“She was going to shoot me!”

“She never even turned the safety off!”

Ellie blanched. “What?”

“She shot the runner, and then she turned the safety back on. She never clicked it off, neither did I. She wasn’t going to shoot you.”

“She threatened-“

“Yeah, and I would have too. You saw what she looked like, bro. She was devastated. She could barely fucking breathe, she was crying. You really think she was going to shoot you? She was trying to decide whether or not coming home to JJ without you was even worth it.”

“Did she say that?” Ellie whispered after a moment.

“She was drunk, one night. Really drunk. I don’t think she realized she said it.”

“But she did?”

“Yeah,” Abby breathed. “She did.”

Ellie came home with her. 

Dina grabbed her as soon as she walked in, and didn’t let go until JJ started crying to join the hug.


	2. part ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i'm sorry but it got too long again and i split it, there will be a chapter three. also sorry in advance.

There was an obvious difference, Abby thought, between the days before Ellie’s secret came out and the days after.

It took some long conversations, but soon enough, Ellie and Dina seemed to trust each other more than ever. Ellie felt guilty about being gone for so long, but everyone was so elated to have her back that they brushed her apologies off. She still tried walking on eggshells for a bit, but Abby and Dina quickly made sure she knew that she didn’t have to be careful around them.

Things were better than they had ever been. Lev was happy, he had even made some new friends (Abby hadn’t met them yet but she trusted Lev’s judgement and knew she’d get to scare them eventually) and JJ was doing fantastic. True to his word, Jesse came around whenever he could to help out, and he wasn’t half-bad as company. Dina had almost nothing but time off, only ever doing watch shifts when Jesse, Ellie, or Abby were home with JJ. Ellie and Abby were still on their full-time Jackson schedule, but it just made the little moments of rest all the sweeter, and now they had something they were really working towards. As long as they could help it, Jackson was going to be safe and stable for JJ.

Life was great. Fantastic. Outstanding, even.

So why did Abby feel like something was missing?

When she was hanging out with Lev, she was fine. Playing with JJ? No problem. It was only, only, when she was with Ellie and Dina that she felt this odd empty space.

She didn’t know what was meant to be there, and she really needed to see a doctor about this weird chest thing. (She knew what it was. But she could pretend, just for a while.)

“Hey, Abby?” Lev called from his meditation room. “I had an idea.”

“Gimme a minute, kid,” Abby grunted from where she was dangling from a bar installed above the back door. “Just, like, 30 more pull-ups and then we’ll talk.”

“Haven’t you already done like 50?”

“I’ve done 30. Shut up and align your star signs or whatever.”

“That’s not what meditation is,” Lev said, appearing at her side. “It’s about clearing your mind and centering yourself.”

“Is that not what I said?”

Lev huffed, but then tilted his head. Abby narrowed her eyes, but made no comment until-

“The fuck, kid?” Lev clambered onto her back the second she let herself further down as she hung from the bar. “What are you doing?”

“Good luck doing pull-ups now.”

“You’re like, twig sized. I think I could probably do more with you on my back than I could normally.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“You’re on,” Abby said, and began to haul herself and Lev up.

She made it through an extra ten, arms burning and teeth gritted.

“Ok, fine, you win,” Lev groaned before hopping off her back. “You’re a goliath.”

“Damn right.” Abby dropped to the floor and messed with lev’s hair. “What were you saying earlier?”

“Oh, yeah! We should make Ellie and Dina dinner to thank them for giving us a place to stay when we didn’t really have one. Also just because they’re nice and they deserve it.”

“Definitely agree with you, but you remember traveling with me, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Then you remember I’m a terrible cook?” Abby asked.

“I’ll do the cooking then.”

“That’s actually worse.”

“I’m a good cook!” Lev defended. “I can make good food!”

“I’m not gonna trust you unsupervised in a kitchen!”

“So you supervise me!”

“I don’t know what to do in a kitchen!”

“Well, who does?”

“An actual adult?”

“You’re twenty-one!”

“All I do is punch things!”

Which is how, the next weekend, Abby and Lev found themselves watching, astonished, as Joel prepared one of the tastiest meals they had ever seen.

“So, bread’s in the oven with 15 minutes to go, pasta will be done on the stove in about ten minutes. The sauce is already stirred in, so you just shift it around every couple minutes to make sure none of it sticks in one place and burns. How the hell do you two not know how to make alfredo pasta and bread?”

“We didn’t have anything like this in the Seraphites,” Lev replied, peering into the pan of pasta with an expression of distrust. “How do I know if it’s starting to burn?”

“Just stir it every few minutes and you won’t need to find out. What’s your excuse, Abby?”

“Soldiers don’t typically make great chefs?” Abby shrugged. 

“And you two really survived on your own for weeks on end?”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it. You want to stick around? Ellie and Dina should be here in a few minutes, you might want to say hi.”

“Nah, Ellie’s coming into the shop tomorrow anyways. I’ll see her then, wouldn’t want to interrupt your evening.”

“I think she’d be happy to see you,” Abby countered. Joel brightened before trying to conceal it.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. She was talking about asking you to help her make some toys or something for JJ, since grandparents are meant to spoil their grandkids.”

“Grandkids,” Joel repeated, a small smile on his face. “Maybe I’ll stick around just until they get here, make sure the two of you don’t screw up all my hard work somehow.”

“Probably a good idea.”

“Is it meant to sizzle like that?”

Ellie and Dina arrived to find them gathered around the stove, mesmerized by Joel’s instructions as he stirred the pasta.

“Uh, what’s happening here?” Dina asked amusedly, setting a bottle of wine down on the table before walking over. “Ooh, pasta.”

“Joel’s teaching us how to actually cook because it turns out that neither of us are good at it,” Lev answered. “And he’s really good.”

“Yeah, Joel can make a decent meal out of anything,” Ellie said. “It’s kinda scary.”

“You weren’t complaining when we were traveling.”

“Cuz I knew you’d make me cook if I did!”

“If you don’t like the food, you can make your own,” Joel said, making Ellie screw her face up. Abby could just imagine her, much younger, making the same face at Joel when he offered her some shitty stew of some kind. Her chest panged.

“Well, personally, I think I’ll like this food and I have no interest in cooking tonight, so I’d like to start eating,” Dina interrupted.

“Yeah, right. Here, I’ll get out of your way. Have a good night,” Joel said, making his way toward the door.

“Joel?” Ellie called out.

“Hm?”

“See you tomorrow?”

“Right, definitely. See you tomorrow.”

“Ok. Bye.”

“Bye.” Joel stood awkwardly for a moment before exiting, letting the door fall shut behind him.

“Oh, shit,” Lev said suddenly. “I totally forgot.”

“What?” Abby asked.

“I told Maria I’d help her with something we’re doing tonight.”

“What are you helping Maria with?” 

“We’re trying to set up an area and time in the rec center for meditation and other possible spiritual assembly type things? There’s not really much of a church or temple around here, and enough people take comfort in their faith that we thought they might like a spot to pray. And even if they aren’t particularly religious, it’d be a nice quiet spot to try and find some level of peace.”

“That’s… that’s awesome, Lev. Really, that’s so cool,” Ellie said. “A lot of people are going to really appreciate that.”

“I’m going to appreciate that,” Dina interjected. “Maybe I can teach JJ some prayers.”

“I didn’t know you were religious.” Abby turned to Dina. “What do you practice?”

“Jewish, by genes and practice. Haven’t really had an opportunity in a long while to make a real effort with it though. Couldn’t even find a good copy of the Torah.”

“Oh! I should talk to Maria about getting copies of people’s holy books!” Lev straightened up. “Ok gotta go bye!”

He dashed out the door, slamming it shut behind him, leaving the three women staring at the spot he had just occupied in confusion.

“Well that sounds exciting,” Ellie drawled. “I didn’t realize he was getting so involved.”

“Neither did I,” Abby said, concern evident in her tone. “I hope he’s not pushing himself too much.”

“Nah, Maria will make sure he’s not overwhelmed.”

“No, I mean with his spiritual stuff. It’s still kinda confusing for him, I don’t want him to be doing this and suddenly it makes some stuff resurface.”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.” Dina nodded. “Maria’s perceptive as hell. If she notices something’s wrong, she’ll make sure to help him and get him to you.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize you knew about Lev’s…”

“Issues? I mean, we don’t talk about it or anything, but he’s Lev. We care enough to look out for him.”

God fucking damn it, it was like they wanted her to have a heart attack.

“Cool,” Abby said, voice sounding strangled even to her own ears. “Cool, yeah, that’s good. Let’s eat, huh?”

“Sure,” Ellie grinned. “What have you got for us, Chef Abigail?”

“Don’t ever call me that again.”

“What, chef?”

“I’ll kick your ass, Williams.”

“Try me, Anderson.”

Abby would have responded scathingly, but Ellie shot her another smile and it was… disarming, to say the least.

She thought maybe the ache was her heart trying to burst from her chest.

“Ok. Dinner time.”

Later that night, Ellie and Dina had left and Lev still wasn’t back. 

Abby hated empty houses. She hated them so much, it was so quiet and so vast and it was something like an abandoned aquarium, it was meant to be full and it was so so empty-

Ellie crashed back in, barely opening the front door. “Fuck, we forgot we brought wine cuz Jesse’s with the baby the whole night and we can get drunk.”

“Look what motherhood has done to me,” Dina moaned dramatically as she entered just behind Ellie. “I forgot that I’m allowed to be drunk now!”

“You’re sure Jesse is with JJ all night?” Abby asked, watching as Ellie went to grab some cups. She didn’t remember telling her where she had put everything in the kitchen, but Ellie found them so quickly that she must have mentioned it but forgotten.

Or Ellie just noticed once and cared enough to remember.

The ache in her chest must be getting worse. If the lump in her throat was any indication, she may actually need to see a doctor. 

“Yep, we’re all good. You’re stuck with us, Anderson.”

—————————————————————————————————

Fall was Abby’s favorite season. Mostly because it was Lev’s, but she liked it too. The trees around Jackson were absolutely stunning, and the temperature was a welcome change from the long, hot summer.

However, fall wasn’t coming nearly quickly enough, at least not temperature-wise. It was almost October and Abby still found herself working in shorts and tank tops every day. It was never this warm in Seattle, the perpetually grey skies blocking out the sun, and she wasn’t used to it in the slightest. 

Dina seemed to thrive on it, though. “Looking damn good, you two!” She shouted from her porch, laughing when Ellie turned away from the woodpile to flip her off.

“Why are we doing this for you again?”

“Uh, you’re doing it for JJ.”

“How did such a beautiful baby come from such a demon of a woman?” Abby wondered aloud. Dina smirked.

“You haven’t even seen me in bed, Anderson.”

Abby flushed and turned back to the woodpile immediately, ignoring Dina’s laughter.

Ellie snickered next to her. “That easily flustered?”

Abby glared. “Shut up, you are too.”

“Nah, I’m used to it now.”

“Oh yeah?” Abby challenged. “And if I told you Dina was walking over right now?”

“What?” Ellie whipped around, quickly turning back to Abby when she saw Dina hadn’t moved. “You bitch.”

“Gotcha.”

“She’s staring at your ass.”

Abby grinned. “I’m not that gullible.”

“And I’m not joking.”

“She’s probably staring at you, dude. Which is why I’m getting more done, because I’m not being distracted by my girlfriend.”

“Bro, we’ve done the same amount of work,” Ellie defended.

“I’m going quicker.”

“Oh yeah? Let’s race. Split the rest of the pile in two, whoever’s done faster wins.”

“What do we win?”

“I don’t know. Dina, what’s a good prize?” Ellie called out.

Dina shrugged. “What for?”

“Abby and I are racing!”

“Uh. Brownies for dessert?”

“Yeah, but we’ll all get some anyway.”

“Fine, the winner gets a kiss from me.”

“Hey, wait, that seems-“ Abby let her complaint go when she saw Ellie immediately reaching for the next log, her competitive nature taking over.

For the next half hour, Abby and Ellie worked in tandem, accomplishing their wood-chopping more efficiently than even they thought they could. They were sweaty and exhausted by the end of it, but Abby managed to win the race by two logs. Ellie would have gotten more done if she hadn’t kept looking at Abby. She was probably trying to check her progress, but it became her downfall.

(Abby ignored the way that Ellie’s eyes seemed to linger appreciatively on her arms. That didn’t mean anything, she was probably just wondering about workout routines or something.)

Dina sauntered over, eyes sparkling as she took in their efforts. “Nice job, I was starting to think you’d never finish.”

“You could have come and helped out.”

“Oh, no, I’m just so frail after giving birth, I couldn’t possibly do any manual labor. I’m getting weaker and weaker just from the heat,” Dina groaned, draping herself over Ellie, who rolled her eyes but wrapped an arm around Dina’s waist. “Wait, why am I being supported by the loser? You, fair knight, support your lady!” She collapsed against Abby, who reluctantly held her arms out to catch her.

“This is unfair,” Ellie whined playfully. “Look at her arms, of course she won!”

“You could have arms like this if you tried, Williams,” Abby replied.

“Ugh, so much effort. I’m good.” Ellie wiped the hair out of her face, grimacing at the amount of slick sweat causing it to stick there. She lifted the hem of her shirt, bringing it up to her face to wipe herself off. Abby looked away hurriedly at the glimpse of lean muscle on her abdomen.

“Well, I promised the winner a kiss, but I think the loser should also get a consolation prize,” Dina purred. “Question is, who goes first?”

“We all know you’re not gonna kiss me, go make out with your girlfriend. I’m gonna go get cleaned up,” Abby said, turning away from the pair to head back inside. She stopped when she felt a hand on her wrist and let herself be spun around.

Dina stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to the taller girl’s cheek. “Thank you for helping.”

Abby stared. And stared. And willed her brain to restart. “Uh. Yeah. Yes. Uh huh. Sure. No problem, no problem. Yeah.”

Dina smiled. “Very coherent. Go wash up, lunch will be ready soon and you have a watch shift after that.”

“Right, yeah. Ok.”

“Told you!” Ellie said. “You get flustered too!”

“Make your girlfriend stop hitting on me and it won’t be an issue!”

“Nah,” Ellie replied, a lazy grin on her face. “That wouldn’t be any fun.”

“Fuck you.”

“Maybe later.”

“Shut up.”

“Why should Dina get to flirt but I don’t?” Ellie asked, stepping closer to Abby. “Maybe I want to get in on the fun.”

“You’re the worst. I’m going to shower.” Abby shook her head as she walked towards the house.

“Without us?” Ellie called, laughing when Abby flipped her off without turning around.

—————————————————————————————————

“So, I was thinking of doing something on Halloween,” Lev said, putting his plate in the sink. “Like, going out for it. It’s in a few days, so you can have time to think about it.”

“Oh? Who would you be with? And since when do you know about Halloween?”

“It’s Ellie’s favorite holiday. She does scary movie marathons or something. But my friends are all hanging out and I was hoping I could go with them?”

Abby laughed internally at the hope in the kid’s tone. She was obviously going to let him go, but this was a good opportunity to give him a hard time about these friends of his. “Who’s going to be there?”

“Alison, Cody, H, Mason, and Kay. We’ll be at Kay’s house, and it starts at eight.”

“What time will you be getting home?”

“I was hoping I could maybe stay the night?”

“Anyone else staying the night?”

“Everyone, I think. Cody might not, he’s got a watch shift the next morning.”

“There gonna be alcohol at this little party?” Abby questioned.

“I don’t think so.“

“You’re what, fifteen now?”

“Almost. Will be in a month or two.”

“Let’s hold off on the drinking until you’re at least fifteen and a half, yeah? I don’t want to get nailed by Maria for being an irresponsible caretaker.”

“Sure. Does that mean I can go?”

Abby chuckled. “Yeah, kid, you can go. Be home before noon, ok? I gotta see you before I head out for patrol.”

“Deal. Thank you!” Lev threw his arms around Abby quickly before scampering away, probably to let his friends know he’d be at their party. 

“Hey, wait,” Abby called. “What do you mean, it’s Ellie’s favorite holiday?”

“She loves Halloween,” Lev shouted back. “She used to do movie marathons with Joel, but now she does them with Dina. Except she thinks she’s gonna have Joel over for this year.”

“How do you know this but I don’t?” A thought dawned on Abby. “You went over there this morning! That’s why you didn’t eat any of your breakfast!”

“You’re a terrible cook! Dina’s food is edible at least!”

“I made pancakes!”

“They were burnt!”

Abby grumbled all the way to her watch shift.

“What’s got you so pissy?” Jesse greeted her as she climbed the tower. 

“I’m a good cook when I try,” Abby replied harshly.

“Ok, weirdo. You’re a good cook.”

“Thank you very much.”

“Hey, do you mind if I call someone else to take over for me? Ma’s getting real worried about some pipes, she was hoping I could fix them up.”

“No problem, man. Just don’t stick me with Seth, I’ll throw him off the damn tower.”

“You got it.” Jesse saluted before climbing down the ladder, leaving Abby alone for a few minutes. She looked out at the expanse of land beyond Jackson. It was getting harder to remember a time when this wasn’t her home. Almost everything good that had ever happened to her happened here. She missed parts of the WLF, the friends she had made, but they weren’t… they weren’t like this. Maybe she had been too wrapped up in herself and they were better than she thought, that was probably the case, but she couldn’t help thinking that they wouldn’t have fit into Jackson. They were all a little too sharp, a little too angry. Abby thought maybe Ellie understood that, sometimes. She held a knife like she did, anyway.

“Mind if I join you?” Abby’s thoughts were interrupted by a familiar gruff voice. She turned to see Joel standing on the last rung of the ladder, head tilted as he looked at her. She nodded, and he stepped up beside her.

“”S a fine view, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s getting really nice, leaves changing colors and all.”

“Mm. I’ll be sorry to see winter come for sure.”

“Well, we got some time. Speaking of, I hear you and Ellie have some fall traditions?”

“Oh, the turkey toss?”

“What? No, I meant the Halloween movie marathon. What’s a turkey toss?”

“Oh. Don’t worry about that. The movie marathon, yeah, but she’s been doing that with Dina the last few years.”

“Maybe you should ask her about it this year,” Abby responded. “She’d probably be happy to let Jesse take JJ for the night. Or, you know, JJ could get some good grandparents time in.”

“Yeah, but I reckon she’d rather do her own thing.”

“She’s still coming to the wood shop every other weekend, right?” At Joel’s nod, Abby continued. “Maybe it’s time the two of you to have a little more than awkward conversations about power tools and carving techniques.”

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother. She’ll want to do something with you and Dina,” Joel shifted on his feet, not making eye contact.

“I mean, maybe she’ll want to bring Dina along, but you could just invite both of them. Might make her more likely to say yes.”

“Why are you trying to coach me on reconciling with my daughter?”

Abby sighed. “You said once that Ellie talks about me, right?”

“Plenty. She’s always talking about you and Lev and the rest of her little family.”

Family. What a simple little word. What a miracle.

“Well, she ever mention anything about where I came from before Jackson?”

“Seattle, yeah? Tommy mentioned it was some military complex, I reckon I heard of it before. Pretty solid structure.”

“Yeah. My dad was a doctor there. He died in the, fuckin, line of duty or whatever. He was giving medical attention and was on his way back when he got killed by some raiders.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“I mean, you got nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t kill him.”

“Yeah. Still, losing someone like that, it’s never easy.” Joel rested his hand on Abby’s shoulder for just a moment. It felt… it felt so much like her dad that she had to move away. (She didn’t deserve that comfort. The raiders cried when she found them.)

“No, it isn’t. Which is why you and Ellie have got to work through your shit. You can’t think you have more time than you really might have.”

The rest of the watch shift was largely silent, Joel contemplating their talk and Abby desperately forcing memories of her father from her mind. Just because she’d gotten some level of closure didn’t make it better. She really hoped that Ellie would work things out with Joel. She had been on good terms with her father when he was killed, she couldn’t imagine how painful it would be for Ellie if she lost Joel without ever making amends.

So she was very excited when, two days later, Ellie came crashing into her house rambling about movie night with Joel.

“Slow down, Williams. What’s the issue?”

“Joel, he invited Dina and I over for a Halloween movie night, like we used to have.”

“Ok. Why am I being told about this?”

“Well, first of all, he invited you too. And also, I have no idea what to do! Halloween movie night is an all night event! I haven’t spent that much time with Joel since three years ago!”

“He invited me too?”

Ellie smiled kindly for a moment, but then refocused. “Abby, other things to think about?”

“Yeah, sorry. Well, Dina and I will be there. We can help bridge any awkward conversations or something.”

“No, you don’t get it. Movie nights are serious. You have to watch the film and be ready afterwards with at least three points to discuss and some idea of a running theme in the movie, be it visual or written.”

“Wow. Was Joel a film major or something?”

“Nah, he didn’t go to college. He just loves movies, I guess.”

Or he wanted a way to keep Ellie talking after the movie was done. “Ok. Have you told Dina that she’ll have homework?”

“Yeah, she knows. But you can’t seriously want to be there and-“

“Couldn’t keep me away if you tried, Williams. What time does the whole thing start?”

Turns out it started at nine, Abby thought as she was walking into Joel’s house at 9:15 and was immediately shushed. Joel paused the movie and turned to her.

“Abby, hey. Come sit, we’re only a few minutes in.”

“Sure. I brought some whiskey, if that’s good?”

“Gimme.” Dina grabbed the bottle out of her hands, hugging it to her chest. “Sweet, sweet alcohol.”

“You’re gonna have a problem if you keep doing this.”

“I couldn’t get drunk for nine months, forgive me if I want a few drinks now that I’m not whale-sized.”

“Fine, but I reserve the right to cut you off,” Ellie threatened playfully, nodding at Abby in greeting.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re gonna make Jesse’s parents think I’m an alcoholic.”

“Yeah right, they adore you. If they’d believe that about anyone, it’d be me.”

“They like you,” Dina defended weakly. Ellie stared at her skeptically. “They do! They just wish I was still with Jesse.”

“And they probably think you got an STD from Cat,” Abby contributed. At Ellie’s glare, Abby flushed and turned to Joel. “Not that’s Ellie’s ever had sex before. Pretty sure she hasn’t ever, actually. Definitely not. Not that I have a definitive knowledge of Ellie’s sex life, but she doesn’t even have a sex life, so-“

“Let’s watch the movie.”

“Yep.”

Abby looked around for a place to sit, but the only place was between Ellie and Dina on the couch, whereas Joel was sitting in the armchair. She hesitated, giving the two a chance to scoot over and make room for her at one end of the couch.

Dina just stared at her. “You gonna sit down or what? We’ve got a lot of crappy horror movies to get through, Anderson.”

Abby sat, doing her best to avoid touching either girl at her sides.

It was going to be a long night.

—————

Abby was wrong. The night flew by quickly, marked by Dina’s enthusiastic commentary and Ellie and Joel’s thoughtful analysis of each movie after it was finished. Abby didn’t recognize any of the movies, but she really liked the one about the dude with claws who could invade people’s dreams. That was a fun one.

Some of the movies were what Ellie and Joel called ‘slashers’, which generally led to the most spirited commentary from Dina. Others were apparently psychological thrillers, which creeped Abby out a bit. At least, the good ones did. Some were just kinda boring, but it was fun to hear Ellie and Joel rip them apart afterwards.

At least, it was fun for Abby. Dina fell asleep at some point during Manhunter, which Joel insisted on even if it seemed a little boring in comparison to others.

Abby was content to let Dina nap until she became her pillow. Dina fell gently against Abby’s side, head resting against her shoulder. At a particularly loud noise, she furrowed her brow and nudged more insistently into Abby’s side.

Abby turned to Ellie, who was completely engrossed in the movie. The low light of the screen played across her face, making her pale skin look almost ghostly. But she was so focused, so engaged with the movie. She was practically on the edge of her seat with how far she was leaning towards the screen. Some strands of hair had escaped the confines of her bun, framing her face.

She was absolutely beautiful.

Abby looked away quickly, resolving to just keep her focus on the movie and not the girl using her as a cushion or the girl who managed to look gorgeous at the weirdest moments. This was just a movie night. Joel was kind enough to invite her because she was a good friend of his daughter. She wasn’t going to fuck that up by trying to be more than friends with someone who wasn’t available.

(Or two people who weren’t available.)

Abby managed to hold her resolution until some time around 4 a.m, when Ellie finally tapped out. She had been nestled into the couch cushions, but, in a final act of semi-consciousness, had come to rest her head in Abby’s lap. Dina stirred just long enough to play with Ellie’s hair for a few minutes before drifting back to sleep, and Ellie followed not soon after. 

Abby held very, very still.

Joel finally turned the tv off a little while later, stretching in his seat and turning towards the couch. “What’d we think- oh.”

“Yeah,” Abby said quietly. “They passed out a little while ago.”

“Figures. Ellie never does make it through the whole night. You want to just stay here?”

It was tempting. Abby could just lean back and fall asleep, content with their warmth surrounding her. But it wasn’t warmth that she deserved, and if they knew how she felt, they wouldn’t get this close.

“Nah,” she replied. “They’ll be all cramped in the morning, I’ll just get them home.”

“Hm. Alright, get them back safe.”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Joel.”

“It was nice havin’ you here this year, Abby. Sleep well.”

—————————————————————————————————

Winter was a different story. Something changed in Ellie, and it was concerning, to say the least. She was closed-off, slow to smile, and stuck in her head. Abby swore she had never seen the other girl so quiet before.

Dina was quiet too, but it seemed like she was mostly just trying not to disturb Ellie. The only time Ellie seemed to brighten and become herself again was with JJ, and that was wonderful to see, but Abby couldn’t let go of her worry.

“Do you know what’s up with Ellie?” She asked Lev one day as he came to sit at the kitchen table. “She’s been cagey lately.”

“Don’t think she likes winter,” Lev shrugged. “Prob’ly too cold.”

“I don’t think that’s why she’s acting so weird, Lev.”

“Well then you figure it out, you’re her best friend anyway.”

Abby froze, fork halfway between her plate and her mouth. “That’s not true.”

“Uh, yeah it is. Dina’s her girlfriend and you’re her best friend.” Lev looked at Abby almost pityingly. “It’s ok that you want more-“

“I don’t. Dina is her girlfriend, Jesse is her best friend, and I’m just another friend of theirs. That’s all that’s happening.”

“You know what meditation can help with? Being honest with yourself.”

“I am being honest with myself. I can’t be more than just a friend to them, not even a best friend or something like that.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.” Abby dropped her fork. “I think I’m done with dinner. You want to talk about something else, or you want to go see your friends for a bit?” She hoped the message was clear. She loved talking to Lev, but this wasn’t a conversation they were going to have.

“Yeah, fine. I’m gonna go talk to Maria some more about the religion center.”

“Ok, good luck.” Abby watched as Lev put his plate in the sink and shuffled towards the door. “Hey.”

“Hm?”

“I’m really proud of you, you know.”

Lev smiled. “Yeah, I know. Are you gonna go when it’s finished?”

“What?”

“To the religion center.”

“Oh, I- yeah. I mean, probably won’t become a convert but I’ll check it out for sure.”

Lev brightened further before stepping out the door, leaving Abby alone.

She sighed to herself. She really did hate empty houses. Made her feel like she was still out in the middle of nowhere, searching houses for little bits of supplies. And if not that, then it just reminded her of all the places she had scavenged with Owen.

It was bullshit, how much she missed him. The last few years, he had barely been a presence in her life. She was so wrapped up in revenge that she just pushed him away, along with everyone else. And yeah, Ellie had a point. He had kind of been a dick towards the end. But he was still her friend, someone she had loved. His memory was as painful as any other.

But no more painful than any other, either. Abby examined her mind, but she found that Manny and Nora elicited just as much grief, that her love for Owen hadn’t made the pain of losing him any stronger.

Or perhaps she didn’t love him, then or now. But no, she loved him. Not as well as she should have, maybe, but she did.  
Abby thought maybe, if she did love him, but his loss didn’t hurt as much, maybe it just meant she was getting better at this whole healing thing.

Lev would be proud.

God, if this was the path her mind was going down, she definitely needed to get out of the house. 

She grabbed her boots and slipped out of the house, resolving to go find Ellie and maybe spar for awhile or something. Might help the both of them with whatever was going on in their heads.

Abby was mystified when she got to Dina’s house and the door was locked. Never, never in the entire time she had known her, had Dina locked her door. Jesse had given entire lectures on the importance of security even if safe areas and Dina still refused to lock her door. But here it was, entirely impossible to open. Abby knocked, her concern rising with the odd occurrence.

Dina answered the door within a few moments. “Abby, hey. Thought you were on duty soon?”

“Nah, I’m off for the day. I was wondering if maybe Ellie would want to spar or something. Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, you can come in, but…” Dina stepped aside to let Abby through. “I’m not sure Ellie’s up to that today.”

“She sick or something?”

“Uh, kinda. You know how it gets, the cold and all that.”

“Yeah, Tommy said it would probably start snowing soon.”

“Damn.” Dina shook her head. “I mean, it’s about time, but Ellie’s not a fan.”

“Really? Figured she’d be all about snowball fights.”

“On her better days, she is, but winter’s just really-“

“You two gossiping about me?” Abby turned to see Ellie emerging from the bedroom, a tired smile on her face. “I thought Dina’s shit-talking privileges were revoked.”

“Nah, just put on hold for a while,” Abby answered. “I hear you’re not doing great?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Just some headaches, nothing big. Got JJ down for his nap,” Ellie added, smiling a bit more sincerely when Dina slumped in relief.

“Finally, I thought he’d scream all afternoon.”

“Little Potato’s being a stinker?” Abby asked.

“Like you wouldn’t believe. He doesn’t seem much for the cold either.”

“A family of grinches.”

“The fuck is a grinch?”

Abby stared at Dina. “What?”

“A grinch? Is that just someone who doesn’t like winter?”

“I- have you never seen The Grinch Who Stole Christmas?”

“Um. No?”

Abby sighed. “Well, that’s going on the list.”

“What is it?”

“It’s like, a kid’s movie. JJ would love it, it’s real colorful.”

“Well, anything to keep him occupied,” Ellie said, glancing towards the bedroom. “He’s getting to be a real monster.”

“Good for him. Speaking of, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to spar or work out or something.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good-“

“Yeah, I’m in,” Ellie answered. When Dina rounded on her, she just rolled her eyes. “It’ll be fine. I feel like I’m going crazy anyway, Tommy won’t even let me out on patrol cuz of Joel.”

“What’d Joel do?”

“More like what he said. Point is, I’d love to get some energy out. Backyard?”

“Sure, Abby said agreeably. “Stretch first though, I’d hate to break your skinny little limbs.”

“Fuck off, if anyone ends up broken it’ll be you.”

“You two have the weirdest foreplay.” Dina shook her head. “I’ll be in here, call me if someone actually needs medical attention.”

“What if I just need your attention in general?” Ellie flirted, making Dina grin. 

“Go get your ass kicked, babe. You can have all the attention after.”

—————

From the second Ellie got into position, Abby knew something was seriously off. Whatever playful look in her eyes that was usually present when they sparred was gone, and she looked so tightly wound that Abby was afraid to hit her in case she just snapped.

Ellie had always been a good fighter, probably the only one her age that had ever come close to being a real challenge for Abby. But she was doing better today than she usually did, landing more hits, definitely causing more bruises. It took Abby a few minutes to figure it out, but she eventually got it.

Ellie was being reckless, and she wasn’t pulling her punches.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” Abby asked as she quickly blocked a punch that would have given her a black eye. “This isn’t how you normally fight.”

“Just trying to get my energy out,” Ellie grunted before lunging again.

“Bullshit, this is-“ Abby dodged another punch, and blocked the second- “This isn’t you. What the fuck is up with you?”

“Nothing.” Another punch, another dodge. Ellie had Abby solidly on the defensive, backing away and dodging as much as she could. The way Ellie was hitting, Abby was afraid that blocking her might do more damage to Ellie than her.

“Come on, tell me what the issue is.”

“Hit back, you asshole.”

“No.” Abby stopped in place, making Ellie pause. “Not until you tell me what’s up.”

“I’m not gonna hit you while you’re not moving,” Ellie growled, warily regarding Abby. 

“Good. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I keep telling you, nothing’s wrong!”

“Why are you lying?”

“I’m not fucking lying!” Ellie took a swipe at Abby. It was weaker than anything else she’d done, and Abby blocked it easily.

“Tell me the truth, Ellie.”

“Fuck you,” Ellie panted, finally dropping the defensive stance. Abby was relieved for a split second before there was just a subtle movement-

The second Ellie charged, Abby was ready. She caught the smaller girl around the waist, putting her neatly on her back on the ground with Abby hovering over her, pinning her wrists down beside her head.

“Holy shit,” Ellie croaked. Her breaths seemed to be coming more quickly, and Abby loosened her grip.

“Shouldn’t have run at me.”

“Yeah, I-“ Ellie’s eyes went cloudy, Abby looked around, but saw nothing other than a few snowflakes beginning to fall.

“Hey, look, it’s-“

“No. No no no no.” Abby turned her head back to Ellie to find her squirming below her, eyes still cloudy and breathing fast. “No, don’t fucking- stop, stop-“

“Ellie?” Abby released the girl, coming to sit beside her as Ellie made no effort to stand. “What is it?”

“I- he’s on me, I can’t reach- get him off, get the fuck off-“

“Ok, ok.” Abby looked around wildly, hoping someone would appear out of nowhere and tell her what to do. She remembered, dimly, something Lev had told her a long time ago about PTSD.

“Ok, Ellie. I think you’re having a panic attack or something, ok? So I need you to listen to me, and match my breathing, ok?”

“He’s-“

“Not here, Ellie. He’s not here, it’s just me. It’s Abby. Can you hear me?”

“I, yeah, I can hear. I can hear you.”

“Ok. Can you slow down a little, Ellie? Slow down for me, ok?” Ellie seemed to try to slow her breathing, but was having trouble. 

“I can’t-“

“Ok, that’s ok,” Abby said soothingly. “Can you tell me something you hear?”

“There’s- fire, crackling, the restaurant’s on fire,” Ellie gasped out.

“No. No, Ellie, nothing’s on fire. We’re in Dina’s backyard.”

“Dina.”

“Yeah, Dina. Do you want me to go get her?”

“No!” Ellie grabbed Abby’s arm, gripping it tightly. “Don’t leave.”

“Ok, I’ll stay. I’m staying, Ellie, I’m right here. Let’s try again, ok? What’s something you can feel?”

“You- your arm. It’s cold.”

“Yeah, I should have worn long sleeves, huh? Can you feel anything else?”

“Uh. I’m laying down on a rock?”

“Yeah, there might be some rocks. Sorry, I tried to put you down gentle. What else?”

“Machete.”

“Nope, no machete. You’re not… you’re not in the restaurant, Ellie. There’s no machete, he’s not here.”

“David.” Ellie’s tone, so far away and so empty, was beginning to scare Abby, and the name sent a chill down her spine.

“He’s not here. It’s me. You know me?”

“Abby.”

“Yeah. You can hear my voice, right Ellie?”

“Yeah.” Her voice was shaky, but sounding less spaced-out.

“Ok. What else can you hear?”

“Um. Breathing?”

“Good,” Abby sighed. “Anything you can smell?”

“Dina’s cooking. Smells like garlic.”

“Yeah, I bet she’s making dinner for you guys.”

“Abby?” Ellie turned her head towards Abby, who nearly sobbed in relief when she saw that her eyes were much clearer. 

“Yeah?”

“Can you. Can you stay?”

“Yeah, I can stay. I already ate, but-“

“Stay with me,” Ellie exhaled. She tugged Abby’s arm closer.

“Oh.” Abby gently let her hand rest on Ellie’s shoulder, inhaling sharply when Ellie pushed herself up just a bit and let her head fall into Abby’s lap. “Yeah, I’ll stay with you.”

—————————————————————————————————

After that, Ellie told Abby the story of Joel’s injury and the harsh winter that followed. And the man she encountered.

Abby thought she hadn’t been so angry since her father died. There were a few times where it took Lev and Dina’s combined efforts to stop her from storming out of Jackson on the warpath. But she eventually settled, and swore that she would never let anything like that happen again.

Ellie scoffed but hugged her tighter than she had before. Abby did her best to return it, ignoring the intensifying ache between her ribs.

Winter became slightly more bearable. Abby was in the loop, now, and was more than happy to be a shoulder for Ellie to lean on. Dina also gave Ellie as much attention and care as she could, and between the two of them and JJ, it was probably one of the best winters Ellie had ever had.

For Abby, however, it was also a time of secret keeping.

It was a bit embarrassing, how much she loved Christmas.

And yeah, Ellie and Dina wouldn’t judge her. Ellie loved Halloween, and Dina fully bought in to the cheesy romance of Valentine’s Day, so they probably wouldn’t mind a bit of Christmas mania. But it was still a shameful secret of hers. It had been a long time since Abby let herself act so childish, and she had people who depended on her. She wasn’t going to let them down by acting selfish and immature.

(And she didn’t really deserve something as nice as Christmas, anyway.)

“So, are we gonna do Hanukkah?” Lev asked one night at dinner. “Cuz I’m gonna need some advance notice if I have to get presents for everyone.”

“You converted to Judaism?”

“No, but Dina is Jewish. I thought we would celebrate with them?”

“Oh, sure. Yeah, we can do that,” Abby replied. “Uh. I don’t know how Hanukkah works though.”

“I know a bit, but we should ask Dina. I’m not even really sure if she celebrates it much.”

Their inquiry was answered the next day with a squeal of enthusiasm as Dina clapped her hands together and smiled.

“Oh, you have no idea. I love Hanukkah! Talia used to surprise me with present as often as she could, and she was much better with actually remembering the prayers and everything, but she always let me light the menorah!”

“What’s a menorah?” Abby asked, feeling a bit stupid when both Lev and Dina turned to her incredulously.

“It’s basically a really cool candle holder,” Lev answered. “It has a lot of religious significance, but I’m not entirely sure about it.”

“I’ll teach you,” Dina promised. “It can be you and JJ’s first Hanukkah. And Abby’s.”

“Ellie’s done this before with you?”

“Oh, she definitely didn’t understand a bit of it, but she was very supportive.”

“That sounds right.”

It turned out that Abby also didn’t understand a bit of it, as days flew by and Dina rapidly tried to prepare for apparently a week-long celebration. It seemed like a lot of effort. The extent of Abby’s holiday traditions only went as far as watching The Grinch with her dad on Christmas Eve and opening whatever presents they had managed to find for each other the next morning. Her dad always made fun of her for how bad she was at wrapping gifts, but one year she just put her gift in a box, which she then put in another box, and then another, and another, and so on until her present (which was really just a small sterilization kit she had found) took up almost a quarter of the floor in her bedroom.

It had been worth all the effort when he couldn’t stop laughing as he unboxed it.

Abby was broken out of her reverie by a hand waving in front of her face.

“Earth to Anderson,” Ellie said amusedly. “You in a trance or something?”

“Some of us can actually think, and even indulge in the hobby from time to time.”

“Fuck off, I’m smarter than you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fight me on it.”

“Ok.” Abby dropped into a defensive stance, grinning when Ellie did the same. 

“No fighting in the living room!” Dina called. “You’ll step on one of JJ’s toys and break it.” Ellie and Dina’s house was all but swamped by little plastic and wooden toys for JJ, either found during patrols or made by Joel.

“No concern for us breaking ourselves,” Ellie muttered.

“A cruel mistress indeed,” Abby agreed. “Arm wrestle?”

“You’re on.”

They raced to the kitchen table, Ellie laughing as she tried to trip Abby up on the way. They both dropped heavily into chairs, slamming their elbows against the table.

“If you break it, you make a new one,” Dina threatened, pointing a dirty spatula at the two of them. Ellie just laughed.

“We’ll be careful,” Abby promised before turning back to Ellie. “Ready?”

“You’re going down, Anderson.”

“On you, I hope?”

Ellie sputtered, eyes going wide and face turning a delightful shade of pink. Abby took advantage of her distraction and slammed her arm to the table. Ellie barely reacted, except that her eyes shifted to Abby’s extended arm.

“I win,” Abby said, but Ellie seemed to take no note, locked in a trance. Abby looked at her arm, wondering if there was something on it, but found nothing. Ellie snapped out of whatever odd state she was locked in and shook her head.

“Not fair, you distracted me!”

“I made a joke, not my fault you got all flustered from it.”

“I’m not flustered!”

“Ellie. You’re redder than an overripe tomato.”

“Who can blame you?” Dina said amusedly. “Those arms would distract anyone.” She lightly squeezed Abby’s bicep.

Abby flexed her arm. She didn’t know why she was trying to show off, but she had been bolstered by Ellie’s reaction and was overcome by a need to make Dina just as flustered.

And it worked. Dina gulped, letting her hand linger on Abby’s flexed bicep before backing away. She stumbled over her feet and collided with the kitchen counter before finally clearing her throat and turning around. Abby grinned, turning to Ellie to find the other girl’s eyes locked on her arms yet again.

“Starting to feel a little objectified,” Abby joked, trying to relieve the odd air of tension that had settled over the room. It at least distracted Ellie again, who smiled widely at Abby.

“Yeah, exactly. That was the point, couldn’t you tell?”

“Yeah, yeah, Abby’s hot and you wanted to look at her muscles,” Dina groaned playfully. “Am I not enough for you?”

“Of course you are. More than enough for me.”

“Good answer. Unfortunately, there’s not more than enough room in this kitchen, so I’m gonna need the two of you to scram.”

“What are you even making? It smells good but I don’t recognize it.” Abby sniffed the air, it did smell delicious but she had no idea what the dish might be.

“Latkes. They’re for later, though, so don’t even think about eating them before tonight.”

“Hanukkah treat?”

“Yep. And it’s Christmas Eve tonight too, so I was thinking we’ll have Maria and Tommy and Joel over too.”

“It’s Christmas Eve tonight?” Abby straightened up in shock. She knew time had sort of been flying by, but how had she not realized that it was Christmas Eve?

“Yep. I mean, not a big deal for me, but Maria and Tommy like to have a big get-together so I thought we’d try to host this year. Chances are Jesse and his parents will come by too.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s cool. Cool.” Abby was barely listening. She felt so fucking bad for almost forgetting. She knew, logically, that she was busy helping with Jackson and Lev and JJ and anything else she could do, but god. 

Forgetting Christmas felt like forgetting to lay flowers on her father’s grave.

“Abby?” She felt a gentle hand at her elbow, recognizing the voice dimly as Ellie’s. “You ok, dude?”

Abby tried to twist her face into some approximation of a reassuring smile; by the look on Ellie’s face she had failed. “All good. Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Oh, old traditions and shit. Nothing important. Anyway, can we help with the latkes?”

Ellie seemed like she wanted to push more, but Dina, blessed Dina, let it slide. “If you can actually help instead of eat, that’d be good.”

“Deal.”

Abby was so frustrated with her inability to get the oven mitts on properly that she completely missed the significant glance Dina shot at Ellie, and Ellie’s answering nod. 

————— 

“You know, you don’t have to leave,” Dina told Abby as they cleaned the dishes. Dinner had been a great success. Ellie had been worried about how JJ would handle it, but he just seemed thrilled to have all of his favorite people in one place. He only got overwhelmed towards the end of the evening, which was easily resolved by putting him down for a nap. The others had retired to the living room, Ellie and Joel both pulling out their guitars and playing tunes together while the other couples danced. Jesse had chosen to go sit with JJ, admiring his son and his unfailing ability to sleep through the chaos of Ellie and Dina. Lev had already fallen asleep on one of the couches, Abby noted with a smile. 

“What did you say?” Abby reached above Dina’s head to store a stack of plates in a cabinet, inhaling sharply when she looked back to find Dina staring straight into her eyes. “Christ, Dina, don’t startle me like that.”

Dina just repeated herself. “You could stay. For the night, I mean.”

“Oh, nah. Gotta get Lev home, and you’ll probably have your hands full with JJ-“

“Jesse already asked to take him for the rest of the night,” Dina replied. “Didn’t want to tell him no, he’s been on patrol for a week and a half and he’s dying for some good JJ time.”

“Don’t blame him, Little Potato’s the cutest kid I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh my god,” Dina grinned. “He’s a little potato. He’s basically a latke.”

Abby laughed loudly. “He is! He’s a little latke!”

“Our little latke,” Dina smiled. She seemed happy, so Abby chose not to correct her wording. “Anyway, Jesse’s taking him for the night, so you can stay over if you want.”

“You should stay.” Abby and Dina turned to find Ellie staring softly at them from where she leaned against the doorframe. 

(At least, Dina knew she was smiling at both of them. Abby felt a little guilty, seeing such a loving smile that obviously wasn’t meant for her, but the pain in her ribs didn’t seem to care who it was aimed at. She wished it would go away, just for one night. Just once, so maybe the guilt on her shoulders would lighten a little.)

“How long have you been there?” Dina asked, eyes sparkling when Ellie came over and wound her arms around her waist, dropping a kiss to her forehead.

“Minute or so. Joel’s playing solo, I figured I should help clean up.” Ellie looked over at Abby but made no move to disentangle herself from Dina. “You should stay, really.”

“I don’t know.” Abby was desperately looking for a reason to deny herself something that was suddenly all she craved. “You guys will be pretty wiped from hosting this little party.”

“Oh, please. We might have a kid, but we’re not middle-aged yet.”

“I could just come by first thing in the morning.”

“Abby.” Dina’s tone turned serious. “If you don’t want to stay, that’s fine. We get it, it’s been a long evening.”

Abby couldn’t let them think that, but she couldn’t reveal just how desperately she wished their invitation was what her pounding heart seemed to have interpreted it as.

“No, I want to stay. I don’t know what to do about Lev though.”

“I can stay at Kay’s house.” Abby turned, once again surprised by a figure in the doorway.

“Jesus, kid, how long have you been there?”

“Not long. If you want to stay here, I can go stay with Kay. They wouldn’t mind.”

“They?”

Lev’s stance shifted; he stood a little taller. Abby fleetingly wondered at just how much he had grown. “Yeah. Kay goes by they/them pronouns.”

“Cool. Can they keep you from staying up too late?”

“Probably not.”

“Fair enough. I’ll be home by-“ Abby looked to Ellie and Dina, who just shrugged- “eh, I’ll be here most of the day, probably. I want you to come check in with me by noon, ok?”

“Ok!” Lev quickly hugged Abby before leaving. “”I’m gonna go!” He called over his shoulder just before the door shut behind him.

Jesse’s father laughed. “Kid has the right idea, it’s getting pretty late. I think we’ll take our grandson and head home for the night.”

“Of course,” Dina called from the kitchen. “Jesse’s with him, just make sure to take a bottle of milk from the fridge.”

“Of course.” Jesse’s mother stood. “This was absolutely lovely, thank you for having us here for dinner, girls.” The gratitude seemed to be directed at all three of them, which confused Abby. Did Jesse’s mom think she still lived here?

“Reckon it’s about time we head out too,” Tommy said. “This was a great night, I’m glad we could all celebrate together.”

“Dina, you’ve got to tell me how to make those latkes,” Maria interjected.

Dina smiled. “I can give you the recipe, but-“ she glanced fondly towards Ellie and Abby- “they turn out best when you have the right people helping you.”

Maria raised an eyebrow but just smiled in response. She was also confusing, Abby decided. And a little bit scary, but she’d never admit to it.

Joel was the last to go, promising to return the next evening with more toys for JJ, and finally the house was empty. Dina and Abby had already done the dishes and most of the washing up, so Abby was confused when Ellie and Dina seemed to have an unspoken agreement about what to do next.

Dina brought out some blankets, piling them on the couch, arranging them haphazardly, and Ellie reached for a shelf in the coat closet.

“What’s this?” Abby asked, bemused by their activities.

“We talked to Lev, you know,” Dina said casually. “He mentioned how you aren’t religious at all.”

“No, not really. Think I prayed the Hail Mary once, but I have no idea where I learned it from.”

“Mhm. Not religious at all, but you still adore Christmas.”

Abby flushed. She’d been caught. “He said that?”

“Yep.” Dina was moving closer now, only a step away from being toe-to-toe with the taller girl. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Uh.” The room was suddenly very warm. Abby glanced at Ellie, hoping to alleviate the effects of Dina’s proximity, but the t-shirt straining against Ellie’s arms and shoulders as she continued to reach for something did nothing to help. “I. Didn’t want to be an issue?”

“What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know! You were so excited to teach me and Lev about Hanukkah, and everyone seemed like they were really enjoying it, so I didn’t want to be the asshole who tried to put my own stuff first.”

“Abby. We want to hear about your stuff. About your Christmas traditions, and your old friends, and what your favorite place you’ve ever been to is.”

“An aquarium,” Abby answered automatically. Dina smiled encouragingly, but Abby found herself reassessing her answer. After all, it wasn’t really true anymore. How could anywhere be better than here?

“Yeah, like that. We don’t want you to ignore your interests in favor of ours, we want to be included.”

“Yeah,” Ellie spoke up. “Which is why we got all this.”

Abby turned to her and found herself breathless. In Ellie’s arms were more than a few strings of tinsel, a dvd of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and five stockings.

“What- where did you get this?”

“The tinsel we found in the rec center, Tommy lent us the movie, and-“ Ellie paused. “We kinda made the stockings.”

Fuck.

Fuck.

They made the stockings.

Of course they did.

“This is… this is amazing,” Abby breathed. 

“Yeah?” Ellie seemed hesitant, nervous in a way Abby wasn’t used to from her. “It was all we could really find, I had to sneak out this afternoon to get the tinsel and the movie-“

“Ellie.” Abby gently cupped Ellie’s jaw in her hands, shutting the other girl up immediately. “It’s perfect.”

“Yeah?” Ellie whispered.

“Yeah. More than perfect.”

“So why’s Ellie getting all the love?” Dina teased, taking the stuff out of Ellie’s arms. “I helped too, you know.”

‘Oh, I’m sure.” Abby wrapped her arms loosely around Dina, who immediately leaned in and dropped her forehead to Abby’s shoulder. “Now c’mon, I want to see what you two think of The Grinch.”

(When Lev came to check in the next day, he found all three girls entangled together, asleep on the couch, with a stocking for each of them, himself, and JJ carefully hung from the mantle of the fireplace.)

—————————————————————————————————

“So!” Dina clapped, a bright grin on her face. “New Year’s Eve.”

“No,” Ellie said immediately, not even looking up from her comic book. “Absolutely not.”

Dina pouted and turned to Abby. “New Year’s Eve?”

Abby sighed. “What’s the plan for New Year’s Eve?”

“Uh, partying? Of course?”

“And where will JJ be?”

“With Joel.”

“Where’s the party?”

Dina slumped slightly. “At Cat’s place.”

“Oh, really?” Ellie looked up from her comic. “I thought she was still on patrol.”

“Nope, she got back a day or two ago.”

“Shit, I gotta catch up with her.”

“Oh, so now we’re in favor of partying?” Abby teased.

“Shut up, I haven’t seen Cat in forever. You’ll like her, I promise.”

—————

Abby did not like Cat.

Sure, on paper, she probably would have. She had some amazing tattoos, a dirty sense of humor, and could mix better drinks than Abby had ever seen before.

But her eyes were glued to Ellie, and it was starting to get aggravating.

“You’re not subtle, you know.” Abby didn't turn to see who was talking. She could tell it was Jesse at her side, and she didn’t want to look away from Ellie and the girl with a hand on her arm.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Dina does the same thing. She’s probably doing it now, it’s a miracle that Cat hasn’t combusted between the two of you.”

“She keeps touching Ellie.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I mean, I’m judging your taste, sure, but other than that…”

Abby looked over at Jesse, who was smiling. “I don’t like the way she’s touching Ellie.”

“You know, I kinda guessed that.”

“How do I stop it?”

“Uh.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. Ellie and Cat were always pretty good friends, but Ellie’s super oblivious. I don’t think she realizes that Cat’s still hitting on her. It’s mostly as a joke, really, that’s just how Cat is. Watch, in the next few minutes Dina’s gonna get pissed and go over there and Cat’s gonna hit on her too.”

Abby’s knuckles tightened around her drink. “She better not.”

“Oh my god, calm down. It doesn’t mean anything, to them or Cat. She’ll be a little bit of an asshole about it, and then it’ll be fine. Trust me, she and Ellie are just friends, and she and Dina definitely aren’t a thing.”

Abby nodded vaguely, but barely heard Jesse. Cat’s hand had moved to Ellie’s waist, and it looked like she was trying to convince her to dance. Abby was about to put down her drink when another presence joined to her left.

“Hey,” Dina said roughly, gulping down her drink before looking in the same direction as Abby. “You seeing this?”

“You’re not doing anything about it?”

“Nah,” Dina said darkly. “It doesn’t mean anything, but. Pisses me off.”

“Are we being too possessive or something?”

“No way, I think it’s pretty normal to not enjoy your girlfriend’s ex hitting on her at every opportunity. 

“How did they ever get together?”

“Cat did her tattoo,” Dina answered. “Kissed her at some point during it. Ellie was terrified that she might have been-“ her voice lowered slightly- “contagious, but nothing went wrong. They dated for a few months, I think?”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Ok, fine, it was nine months and seventeen days.”

“Wow.” Abby laughed, shaking her head. “I did not expect you to be that precise.”

“I think I knew their anniversary better than either of them did.”

The pair fell silent, watching the third member of their trio laughingly rebuff Cat’s advances. While Ellie seemed to take the whole thing as a joke, and Cat’s own grin seemed mostly teasing, there were a number of other girls who seemed jealous that the tattoo artist’s attention wasn’t on them. They muttered amongst each other before one of them walked up to Cat and whispered something to her. Abby couldn’t tell what was said, but Cat’s smile turned wolfish before she called out.

“Hey everyone! Seven minutes in heaven has just been requested, we got any players?”

There were more than a few answering whoops as a small crowd of people headed towards Cat, who turned towards Ellie with a waggling eyebrow. Ellie laughed, but accepted the hand Cat offered to get off of the couch.

“Oh hell no,” Dina growled, grabbing Abby by the wrist and tugging her along. “We’re in too!”

More cheers. Dina’s popularity as a party girl had apparently not been forgotten over her nine-month respite.

“What are you doing?” Abby whispered.

“Play along, you can always back out if it’s someone other than Ellie or me.”

“No, I’m not a fuckin pussy. But if it’s some random dude, you owe me so much.”

“Deal.” Dina and Abby joined the small group sitting around by Cat. Ellie spotted them, eyes lighting up as she headed their way.

“Hey guys! I was looking for you, I couldn’t find you earlier!”

“No worries, Williams,” Abby assured. Dina just pulled Ellie to her side. “We’ve been having fun.”

“Not nearly as much fun as you would have been having with me,” a new voice drawled. Abby looked to see Cat staring up at her. “Hey there. I hear your name is Abby.”

“That’s me. And you’re, uh, Kate, right?” Dina grinned from over Cat’s shoulder, while the flirting woman just laughed.

“Cat, actually. But you can call me whatever you like.”

“I think I’ll stick with Kate.”

“I see why Ellie likes you,” Cat said appraisingly. “You joining the game?”

“Never played before.”

“Well, it’s fairly simple. Everyone gets a full drink, and we spin this empty beer bottle. The person who it points to and the spinner have to either find some room or closet somewhere and stay there for seven minutes, or chug their drink.”

“This sounds like an elaborate excuse to drunkenly make out with strangers.”

“Shhh,” Cat shushed Abby, eyes twinkling. “You can’t point it out, people will realize it’s not really much of a drinking game.”

“God forbid.”

“Anyway, let’s get this started! Who’s spinning first? Ellie, darling, how about you?”

“No way,” Ellie replied. “Someone else can go ahead.”

One of the giggly girls who’d had their eyes set on Cat stepped up, landing on some random guy. She shrugged and went off with him. 

“I’ll go next,” Dina said boldly. A small portion of the group seemed excited, a few dudebros and others. Abby rolled her eyes. 

Dina grabbed the bottle and just turned it to point at Ellie. “Oh wow. How convenient,” she said, completely deadpan. “How very lucky.”

“That’s not how the game works!” One of the guys complained.

“Fuck off, Brantley.”

“At least stay so we can watch.”

Dina just flipped off the boy before walking away with Ellie. Abby looked at him carefully, memorizing his features. Would be a shame if he ended up sleeping in a pile of cow shit tonight.

“Ok, who’s going next? No volunteers? Ok, guess I’m up.” Cat spun the bottle, taking a sip of her drink as she leaned back and waited. The hopeful girls crowded around, moving slightly as if it would encourage the bottle to land on them.

Abby was looking around for Dina and Ellie when she heard the disappointed groans of the girls. She smiled to herself until Cat suddenly walked into her view.

“Hey there, Abby. You up for a good seven minutes?”

Abby stared at her. Considered. “No.” She chugged her drink in one go and slammed the cup down.

“Damn,” Cat remarked. “That was impressive. Shame that it’s not how the game works.”

“Huh?”

“I have to be the one to drink. So you’re not off the hook yet.” Cat leaned in and mumbled in Abby’s ear. “Just come on, ok? I got something to talk about.”

“Fine,” Abby grunted, trying to ignore the way she could feel her neck flushing. Cat was an asshole, but there was no denying that she was attractive.

Abby found herself being led into the pantry just off the kitchen. Cat shut the door behind them and grinned back at Abby. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“What did you want?”

“Well, I was hoping to get laid, but now the goal has changed.” With Cat’s words, her entire face morphed. The bold, flirtatious look disappeared, replaced by something more sincere. She wiped away her cocky grin, and the challenging glint in her eyes disappeared. Abby dimly realized that she was watching a mask drop. “You and Ellie. What’s happening there?”

“What?”

“Don’t bother trying to hide it, my one talent is that I’m perceptive with this kind of stuff. Ellie was looking over at you all the time, and you were looking at her. Seemed like you kept just missing each other.”

“Ellie’s with Dina, I don’t know what you’re implying,” Abby said coldly.

“Hm. And how do we feel about Dina?”

“What are you even-“

“Oh.” Cat’s eyes took on something Abby hadn’t ever expected from her. Sympathy. “Complicated, isn’t it?”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Two people is bad enough. Two people already taken by each other? That’s brutal.”

“I’m not-“ One look from Cat was enough to prove that no amount of denial would convince her. “How did you know?”

“Well, Ellie didn’t shut up about you while we were talking. She’s always been kinda rambling when she’s drunk, or just generally happy, but wow. Tonight was a whole new level. I don’t think there was a single sentence that didn’t include you or Dina. And then, god, you and Dina getting all jealous over there when I was talking to Ellie. I was almost scared.”

“Why’d you keep flirting with her then?”

“For fun? I don’t know if you noticed, but I don’t take this kind of stuff very seriously.”

“Oh, I noticed.”

“Funny. I flirt because it’s a good time and sometimes it gets me somewhere. Never actually means much to me.” Cat shrugged. “You’re the opposite of that, huh?”

“Sort of.”

“Mm.” Cat brightened. “Well, here’s some hints. Ellie’s oblivious as hell, you’ll have to make the first move. And if you kiss her, you have to explain it. Dina made that mistake once, I really don’t recommend a repeat. For Dina, you gotta, like, speak her language. Respond to obvious flirtation but also be ready to decode some shit. From what Ellie says, sometimes Dina thinks she’s being clear with her intentions but is really kinda hard to pin down. Although, Ellie really is the most oblivious motherfucker on the planet. Hope you’re not like that.”

Abby had been feeling out of depth this whole conversation, but now she was just dumbfounded. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because Ellie doesn’t shut up about you and you shoulda seen the look Dina tossed back towards you when she was walking away with her. Trust me, you don’t want to fuck this one up.”

“I know that. Don’t tell anyone, ok?”

“Of course, I’m not that much of a dick. But anyway, there was this one girl out there who seemed very intriguing, if you know what I mean, so I think I’m gonna have to cut this lovely little rendezvous short, alright? Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone.”

“Right back to being a shithead.”

“Mhm. Hey, she-hulk?”

“What?”

“Ellie is still one of my best friends. If you hurt her, I don’t care if you look like you could chuck me over the wall, I will make you more miserable than you’ve ever thought possible.”

“I mean, that’d take a lot of effort, but it would be justified.”

Cat patted Abby’s cheek. “Good answer. Now go find your lady loves.”

“Don’t ever say that again.”

“Right, sure. Hey, do I look hot?” Cat had already opened the door and was looking around, presumably for the ‘intriguing’ girl.

“Not answering that.”

“Wow, how loyal. If you’re not gonna be helpful, fuck off.”

“More than happy to.” Abby slid out from behind her, vacating the kitchen and looking all around for Ellie and Dina. When she didn’t find them, she just grabbed another drink and headed outside.

Great minds apparently thought alike, because just when she gave up looking, she found Ellie and Dina on the front porch.

“Hey,” Dina called out. “Where have you been?”

“Inside, what are you doing out here?”

“Wanted to be out under the stars for the countdown,” Ellie answered.

“Is that happening soon?”

“Seriously, where have you been? It’s in, like, a minute, how did you not hear?”

Abby shrugged. “Got caught up in a pantry with your ex.”

Ellie’s jaw dropped, and Dina choked on the sip of her drink she was taking. “What?”

“Yeah, after you two made your escape. She’s… interesting.”

“Yeah, that’s Cat,” Ellie said, looking vaguely more recovered than Dina. “Did you two…”

“A lady never tells.”

“Oh, fuck off, you’re hardly a lady.”

Abby laughed. “Nah, we just talked. She’s pretty ok when she’s not chasing some girl.”

“Yeah, she’s a good friend.”

“I still think she’s a nuisance,” Dina muttered, only cracking a smile when Ellie rolled her eyes playfully.

“Well, how about we do the countdown out here, nuisance-free?”

“Sounds good to me,” Abby agreed. “Aren’t we supposed to make a wish or something?”

“I thought it was resolutions,” Ellie responded, brow furrowed.

“Fuck it, let’s do both. I already know what I’m wishing for,” Dina said.

“What we’re both wishing for,” Ellie replied, putting her arm around Dina’s shoulders and pulling her in to press a kiss to her forehead.

Abby wondered if maybe alcohol exacerbated chest pains. And of course, it made sense that Ellie and Dina’s wishes would have to do with each other. Staying together forever, or having JJ not cry for a week. Something ridiculously domestic that Abby of course wouldn’t mind being excluded from. She’d be just fine without it, without being in their house and making breakfast with them and coming home to them each night.

She knew then and there that her resolution was going to be getting over these stupid fucking feelings, and finally getting rid of the stupid fucking ache in her ribs.

But when Ellie tossed an arms over her shoulders to bring her close when the countdown began, and Dina smiled at her before kissing Ellie when midnight finally hit, Abby let herself make a wish that definitely conflicted with her resolution.

It didn’t matter. No one would ever know but her, just like Ellie and Dina would never know about any of this.

—————————————————————————————————

Turns out, getting over someone was really difficult when you still spent most of your time with them. Abby’s only real reprieve was date night, when Ellie and Dina would both be out and she could spend an evening thinking about something other than the smell of Dina’s perfume and running her fingers through Ellie’s hair.

Although, no such luck tonight.

“Hey!” Dina answered the door before Abby even knocked, stepping back to let her in. “Sorry, things are a bit of a mess right now.”

“Nah, it’s all good. You look nice.” Nice wasn’t the right word. Nice wasn’t even close to the right word. Dina was wearing a long red dress, simple, that hugged the curves of her body. It was low-cut, with thin straps holding it over Dina’s shoulders, and it was probably giving Abby brain damage.

“You’re sweet,” Dina answered, carefully navigating around the minefield of JJ’s toys. “Thank you for agreeing to babysit, we really weren’t expecting Jesse to get called out tonight.”

“Yeah, no, happy to spend some time with little latke. Where is he?”

“Keeping Ellie from getting ready, like a good son does for his mom.”

“You want Ellie to be late?”

“She’s always making fun of me because I take longer than her to get ready!” Dina whined. “Is it so wrong to want one time where she’s the one who’s not ready?”

“Oh my god.” Abby shook her head with a grin. “I’m gonna go rescue your girlfriend from your sabotage attempts.”

“Ugh, fine. Good luck.”

Abby could hear JJ laughing in the bedroom and walked in smiling. JJ had the best laugh, it was impossible not to smile when you heard it.

“Oh, hey-“

Abby turned around and walked right into the doorframe.

Elegant? No. But it was hard to be graceful when you walked in on your crush completely shirtless.

“Oh my god Abby, are you ok?” Abby kept her eyes shut as she heard Ellie walking up to her. “Hold on, let me just-“

Abby only opened her eyes when she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked to see Ellie staring at her in concern. She carefully kept her eyes at face-level only, but it was clear that Ellie had only tugged on a sports bra. 

Abby considered walking into the doorframe intentionally this time.

“I think your nose is bleeding a little,” Ellie said, cupping Abby’s face and gently turning her head to the side. “Yeah, definitely bleeding. Do you think you have a concussion?” Ellie stopped her examination to look deeply into Abby’s eyes.

Abby meant to say no, but she wasn’t sure if the strangled sound that barely left her throat could be considered intelligible.

“Ok, let’s get you to Dina, she’s better with this stuff than me.” Ellie grabbed JJ and propped him against her hip and used her other hand to grab Abby’s wrist and lead her outside.

“Ooh, gotta say I love the outfit choice- what the fuck happened to Abby?”

“Walked into the doorframe in the name of chivalry.” Ellie pushed Abby into a chair, putting JJ down in his own seat before returning to Abby’s side.

“Would you have preferred I stared at your tits for a few minutes?” Abby’s voice was slightly muffled, and she was glad she was holding her hand up to her nose because it felt like it was slightly masking the blush on her face. 

(It wasn’t.)

“I mean, I never said you couldn’t look,” Ellie shrugged. Dina laughed before coming back with a cold cloth, handing it to Abby.

“Keep that on there for a good few minutes. Nothing’s broken, but you may have a bit of a bruise for a few days.”

“I’m telling people that Ellie shoved me into the door.”

“Hey!” Ellie protested indignantly. “It’s not my fault you can’t handle the sight of women, apparently.”

“Ellie, I’m not gonna fuckin perv on you.”

“And if I invited you to?” Ellie leaned in, an arm on either side of Abby, all but surrounding her.

Abby’s eyes widened and she immediately looked off to her side, focusing on anything but the girl in front of her.

“Damn,” Dina remarked, grinning at Abby. “This should happen more often, you’re blushing so much.”

“Fuck off,” Abby said without looking, making Ellie laugh.

“Ok, I’m gonna go actually put a shirt on. Be ready in a few.” 

Abby continued to look to her side until she was sure Ellie had left the room, studiously ignoring Dina’s snickers.

“That was fun.”

“Shut up.”

“No, really, I was really enjoying myself.”

“Fuck you.”

Ellie emerged in a white dress shirt, a few buttons at the top left undone. Abby gave herself just a moment to look at the pair together. Dina, in her red dress hugging her body, lipstick to match, and Ellie’s rakish grin with her dress shirt and black skinny jeans…

Ok. The ache was somewhere a bit lower now.

Abby shifted in her seat and tossed them what she hoped was a less strained smile than it felt like. “Have fun, you two.”

“Thanks,” Dina said. “For agreeing to help with JJ.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.”

“We’ll be back by eleven, probably,” Ellie said.

“How about I don’t wait up?”

“This is why you’re our favorite.”

With a final wave, Ellie and Dina were gone, and Abby was faced with a drooling, mostly laughing baby.

Oddly enough, this wasn’t too bad. Abby had never been much for babysitting, but yet again, JJ was the best baby ever. He was a little upset when both his moms left, but he quickly recovered when Abby began to play trains with him. Trains was a game of JJ’s design, in which no one knew the rules but him, and he always won. Ellie thought it was good for his confidence. Dina was just upset that she hadn’t found a way to cheat yet. 

However, about an hour and a half in, Abby was faced with an expected but still puzzling issue.

Dinner time.

JJ was a fantastic kid. However, even the best of babies had their hang ups. JJ’s was dinner time. Any other meal was fine, but dinner was never fun. He screamed, he cried, and he refused to eat unless someone all but force-fed him. 

He was getting to the point of being able to eat solid foods, but he hated them. He hated all of it. And Abby was really trying to avoid a screaming match tonight.

She tried everything she could think of while JJ stared at her imperiously from his high chair. He had evidently inherited his mothers’ stubbornness, because absolutely no success was found. Normally, at this point, he’d be hungry enough to just eat what was in front of him, but he did no such thing.

Another half-hour passed, and Abby was approaching her wit’s end. Who could make JJ eat? Lev could, on occasion, but he was on a watch shift. Jesse was out too.

As soon as she had the idea, Abby realized how stupid she was. How did she not think of that before? She eyed JJ. She couldn’t leave him alone in the meantime, so…

That was how she ended up on Joel’s doorstep, carrying a high chair that contained a giggling baby. 

Joel answered the door, immediately confused.

“Help,” Abby said, holding up the chair, putting JJ and Joel at about eye level. JJ grabbed at the older man’s hair.

Joel sighed. “Come on in.”

—————

“How did you do that?”

“He eats when he wants to, you just gotta make him want to.”

“Yeah but how?” Abby was incredulous. Within ten minutes of setting JJ down in Joel’s kitchen, JJ had completely finished his dinner with minimal coaxing from Joel.

“I don’t know, it just works. Why did you bring the whole chair?”

“I… wasn’t really thinking about it.”

“So your first instinct was just to take the whole chair with JJ in it?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Suddenly you and Ellie being friends makes more sense than it ever has.” Joel shook his head, picking up JJ’s empty bowl and rinsing it in the sink.

“What does that mean?”

“Absolutely nothin. Only that the two o’ you make sense together.”

“I think that sounds different than how you meant it,” Abby said, attempting something like a light-hearted tone that really just sounded a bit high-pitched.

“Nah, I reckon it sounded like exactly what I meant.” Joel finished rinsing out the bowl and began to clean it properly. Abby watched him scrub at a particularly stubborn spot for a few minutes before speaking.

“What did you mean, that time when you said Ellie needs both?”

“Come again?”

“We were moving Lev’s stuff to the new place, and you said Ellie needed both me and Dina. You said you had an eye for that kind of thing.”

“I do.”

“What kind of thing though?”

Joel sighed, setting the bowl down on the counter and turning to her. “I think you might already know that, Abby.”

“Pretend I don’t.”

“That kind of thing… it can get complicated. But the way I see it, it doesn’t have to be for you three. You’re already solid. When you got that foundation, it ain’t too hard to start building up.”

“I’m not a fan of heights.”

“Well, sure. Building up can be scary. But sometimes, you gotta do it anyway, because the thing at the top is worth it.”

“I meant literally, Joel.”

“Oh. Well, that’s fair then.”

“Good metaphor though.”

“Thank you.”

“I should-“ Abby turned to find JJ asleep in his chair, head resting against the small table attached to it. “Oh.”

“Moving him might wake him up, prob’ly best to give it a bit til he’s really out.”

“Yeah. Need any help with those dishes?”

—————————————————————————————————

The second Abby woke up, she could tell it was going to be a bad day. The sinking feeling in her stomach and the building pressure behind her eyes were more than enough of a signal to communicate that. Her arms felt heavy, every movement feeling slower than it would otherwise. She ached all over, and the bright sunlight streaming into her room, usually a comfort, became an absolute pain.

In summary, ow.

Abby stumbled down the stairs into the kitchen, dropping heavily into a chair and resting her head in her hands, closing her eyes tightly to avoid the pain of the sunlight.

“You look like shit,” she heard Lev say. His voice sounded wrong, garbled and grating.

“Fuck off,” Abby grumbled, removing her head from her hands and squinting against the light.

“No, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Just didn’t sleep well. I’ll look better when I get some food.”

“Are you sure? Because you look really bad.” The Wrong Voice of Lev sounded concerned, but Abby couldn’t bring herself to do much other than grunt. “I can get Kay to bring over some of the coffee she found last week.”

“I’m fine. I thought Kay was they/them?”

“She’s cool with they/them and she/her. Mostly they/them, but she said this was one of the rare days where she/her felt right.”

“Well, good for her for having her shit figured out. And for having coffee.”

“You want me to get some?”

“No, Lev, I’m good. I’m fine. It’ll go away in a bit.”

“Ok.” Lev’s Wrong Voice sounded skeptical, but he didn’t push. “I’m on garden duty, I’ll be gone until noon. You’ve got wall construction, right?”

Fuck. Abby had forgotten about that. The loud drills and clanging hammers surely wouldn’t be good for her head, but it didn’t seem like there was much of a choice.

“Yeah. See you back here for lunch.”

When Abby finished all three bites of breakfast that she could manage and stepped outside, she immediately regretted it. The noise and the brightness and the colors, it was all so suddenly overwhelming, popping out at her in a nauseating assault against her senses.

She grit her teeth and kept walking. The wall wasn’t going to fix itself.

She arrived at the small construction site, wishing she could tear her ears off and use them as a blindfold. She didn’t unclench her jaw even slightly, the tension of it helping her to push away the pain. She listened to Tommy’s Wrong Voice, almost static-sounding, as he barked out directions. She could barely hear him, her mind focusing on all the wrong, overwhelming sounds, but she got the general idea that she was on drill duty.

Fantastic. 

Abby passed by much of her time on shift gulping down small sips of water to fend off nausea and willing the pounding of her head to recede, only to have it beat stubbornly in tune with the clangs of hammers on metal. She wouldn’t call herself very productive, but she forgave herself because it felt like she was moving her arms through jello every time she lifted them.

Jello was an odd word. Real weird, in fact. 

Abby shook herself. If the headache wasn’t making her delirious, then it was the heat. But it seemed like everyone else was still wearing jackets. Abby wondered how centralized heat waves could get. Or maybe she was getting hot flashes or some shit. That was a thing, right?

As Abby pondered the possibility, she dimly heard Tommy call out to her. “Anderson? You doing alright?”

His Wrong Voice was dragging along the surface of her brain like styrofoam scraping against itself, making the most spine-shivering squeals Abby could imagine. She tried to shake her head to rid her brain of the noise, but she suddenly felt incredibly dizzy. Her vision swirled at the edges, and colors seemed to shift as she barely saw Tommy begin to rush her way.

Abby did something she’d never done before.

She fell.

—————

Abby blinked awake, noting the ceiling above her. She recognized it, but not as the one she woke up to every morning in her own room. The light was dim; it didn’t hurt nearly as much as it had before. She could hear noises, but they didn’t sound Wrong. There was a faucet running somewhere behind her, and the smell of garlic and onions, and all at once Abby knew where she was.

Home.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Abby turned on her side to find Dina sitting on the coffee table, smiling softly at her. “How you feelin’?”

“Better,” Abby said, wincing at the raspiness of her voice. Dina passed her a cup of water that was sitting beside her and Abby sat up slowly, wincing slightly as she brought the cup to her lips and took a long drink. “Thanks.”  
“You really had us worried, you know,” Dina remarked lightly, taking the cup back when Abby was done. “Tommy came and found us, said you had passed out on the job. Ellie damn near had a heart attack.”

“‘M sorry.”

“Don’t be. Just don’t pull that shit again, ok?”

“Well, I wasn’t really planning on passing out either.”

“Not that, dipshit. I meant working while you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick.”

“Your fever only broke about half an hour ago. And Lev mentioned how bad you looked during breakfast.” Little traitor. Abby didn’t say anything. Plausible deniability was out, so now it seemed that absurd denial was the way forward.

“I felt fine. Probably just dehydrated.”

“Nope. That was the only problem you didn’t have, actually.”

“Oh.”

“Abby.” Dina’s tone dropped into something that was just… exhausted. Abby immediately felt guilty, reaching out and letting her hand rest on Dina’s arm. Dina held it there, stroking her thumb up and down the back of Abby’s hand. Abby’s breath hitched, but it seemed like Dina didn’t notice. “Why did you go when you felt terrible?”

“It was my job for the day.”

“You could have told Tommy you were sick.”

“Wasn’t a big deal.”

“Bullshit.” An edge of anger became evident in Dina’s voice. “It is a big deal. You don’t work when you’re sick, Abby, that only makes it worse.”

“Someone had to!”

“And someone would have taken your shift. Hell, I’d have done it, Ellie would have done it, you should have let us know.”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Enough of that. We worry about you anyway. God, Abby, do you realize how important you are? You’ve been here less than a year but we lo- we care about you a lot, and we worry because we want you safe.”

Oh. Huh.

“I… I’m not used to affecting other people like that,” Abby admitted. “I kinda pushed most of my old friends away, I didn’t really think they’d worry when I was pushing myself too much.”

“Well, if they loved you half as much as we do, then they worried a lot.” Dina’s eyes widened as she realized what she said. Abby could feel herself stiffen.

“You love me?”

“I-“ Dina tensed for a moment, but then just… relaxed. The pressure disappeared, and her shoulder sank as she smiled. “Yeah, we love you. We love you a lot, Abby.”

Abby thought maybe her chest would burst open. “Wow. Ok. Um. Thank you?”

Dina tossed her head back and laughed, completely missing Abby’s starstruck look at the sound. “Gotta say, that’s a reaction I haven’t gotten before.”

“Oh please, I wasn’t much better.” Abby twisted on the couch to see Ellie standing by the door. “Think I might have said ‘that’s your problem.’”

“Yeah, that was definitely a new one,” Dina teased as Ellie rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she came to sit on the couch beside Abby.

“How’re you doing? Headaches, nausea? General soreness?”

“I’m fine,” Abby answered, stretching slightly, folding up her legs to keep from nudging Ellie. “Maybe a little sore.”

“Where?”

“Calves kinda hurt a little, must have fallen weirdly,” Abby answered reluctantly. She couldn’t get rid of the twinge of guilt that came with telling other people her problems, but Ellie and Dina didn’t shame her. Dina just pursed her lips and smoothed some of Abby’s hair back, and Ellie pulled her legs into her lap and began to run her hands over them.

“Tell me when I hit a sore spot, yeah?”

Abby nodded, not trusting her voice at that moment. Ellie took her confirmation and began gently rubbing at Abby’s legs, checking every once in a while to see if Abby had reacted. Dina dropped a kiss on Abby’s forehead and left, presumably to make sure whatever was cooking didn’t burn. 

Ellie hit a small spot towards her upper calf and Abby, god help her, could only slightly muffle the groan that it created.

Ellie looked at her, lips quirked up in something resembling a smirk. “Bad spot?”

“It’s fine,” Abby covered hastily. “Just startled me.”

“Mhm. Let me just…” Ellie gently began to massage the sore spot with her thumbs and Abby considered all the merits of running away and living as a hermit in the woods.

“You ever heard of anyone who just lived totally alone?” She asked out loud, hoping to distract herself from the soothing motions of Ellie’s fingers on her leg.

Ellie stilled. “Yeah, actually. Guy by the name of Bill, he trapped this whole town so nobody else could get in.”

“Oh. That’s kinda fucked.”

“Yeah, he was a weirdo. But he helped us after Tess died, so I guess he’s not all bad.”

“Who’s Tess?” Abby asked curiously.

“Oh, she was… hm. I think she and Joel worked together. She wanted to help the Fireflies with me, convinced Joel to do it. She died a little ways in though.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry for asking.”

“No, it’s ok. I don’t mind. It’s kinda nice, talking about it.”

“Yeah, but don’t you talk to Dina?”

“Sure, but… it’s just a little different with you.”

“Oh.” Abby laid back, looking up at the ceiling. “Thanks?”

“Sure. You’re feeling better, right? No more passing out on construction sites?”

“No more passing out on construction sites,” Abby confirmed, making Ellie smile. She stroked her thumb up and down a patch of skin just below Abby’s knee, seemingly absent-mindedly.

Abby’s chest panged almost painfully. This whole getting over her feelings thing wasn’t going well in the slightest.

But at least she could be certain that they didn’t feel the same. That would make things easier, for sure. And she always had Lev to fall back on.

—————————————————————————————————

Scratch that scratch that scratch that.

Memory wipes. God, who the fuck hadn’t invented them yet? Abby had never felt so strong an urge to strangle every scientist on the planet who hadn’t dedicated every second of their efforts into finding the perfect method of precisely erasing an event from one’s mind- 

Lev crashed out of his room, stumbling down the stairs. “Abby! It’s really not what you think!”

“How could that not- no. No. I was just coming to tell you that I’m going out for patrol soon, I’ll be gone for the next few days, do not take that to mean you can do whatever you want.”

“I was gonna work with Maria-“

“Good! Good! Don’t do anything other than that. Don’t even… oh my god.”

“Can we please talk about this?”

“Nope. No. Absolutely not. This is never going to be mentioned again. I’d sooner be torn apart by that giant fucking amalgamation of clickers in the sewers in Seattle.”

“It literally wasn’t that bad-“

“I’m leaving! Love you, bye, please let me never think of this again!”

But even hours into the patrol, Abby was still thinking about it. Locks. Why didn’t they have locks on their doors? She should install some. She would ask Ellie for help, but Ellie and Dina were off with Tommy, and somehow Abby had been grouped with Joel and Jesse.

She was not a happy camper, and that wasn’t difficult to pick up on. Joel kept shooting her questioning looks, and Jesse picked up the slack of the team, doing the brunt of the work while sneaking confused glances at Abby when he could. Abby remained entirely oblivious to this, completely absorbed by her attempt to destroy the memories of what she was exclusively referring to as The Incident.

As they finally settled for the night in a warehouse about ten miles from Jackson, Joel clearly couldn’t live in mystery any longer. “What the fuck is up with you, Anderson?” 

“Nothing,” Abby replied, blankly staring into their fireplace. “Nothing at all. Why?”

“Because you’ve been zoned out this entire day looking like you’re halfway to being a clicker yourself.”

“Yeah, you’ve been off.” Jesse came to sit beside them. “What’s up? You fight with Dina and Ellie or something?”

“No.”

“Then what the fuck is the matter with you?”

—————

All Abby wanted was to let Lev know she was heading out. She knew he had a friend over, but she honestly thought that Kay had left. She had barely seen them come in, so it wasn’t much of a stretch to assume that they had slipped by unnoticed in the past few hours. Abby and Lev had established that they check in with each other, especially about extended absences, and Abby took that very seriously.

God, if only she had let it go, just once. Or knocked. Either would have been better. 

“Hey, Lev- oh fuck!” Abby backed away quickly as she saw Lev jump all but dive across his bed in an effort to move away from Kay, who hastily wiped at their lips and sat up so straight that they hit their head against the wall. “Were you- oh my god.” All the effort in the world couldn’t hide the smear of lipstick on Lev’s mouth, which Abby was a hundred percent sure wasn’t there before. And was in a very similar shade to the one now smeared on the back of Kay’s hand.

“Abby, it’s not-“

Abby closed the door behind her and made a mad dash for the stairs.

————

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Joel grimaced and patted Abby on the shoulder, but Jesse just looked confused. “So you caught Lev kissing a girl?”

“Person,” Abby corrected hollowly.

“Right, yeah, a person. My bad. I don’t think I really see the problem here, though.”

“It’s Lev,” Abby said.

“Yeah? He’s almost sixteen now, yeah? I was 14 when I had my first kiss.”

“And you’re a filthy perv who got Dina pregnant at 19. Oh my god, what if Lev gets someone pregnant?”

“Abby. Go ahead and think on that one for a minute,” Joel answered calmly. Abby considered it, and then smacked herself.

“I’m a moron.”

“No, you’re just… worried about what to do here. Everyone goes a little bit crazy when their kid is suddenly doing things they thought they’d have time to prepare for.”

“I still don’t think it’s that crazy,” Jesse said, having taken the pregnancy comment in stride.

“It’s Lev, he’s basically eight.”

“Isn’t he a teenager?”

“He’s barely a toddler!”

“Ok, look.” Jesse came to sit beside Abby, tossing an arm over her shoulders. “I get it, I really do. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when JJ’s old enough to stir up trouble. But you trust Lev, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Do you honestly think he’s having sex?”

“No. He’d tell me, I think. Too honest for his own good.”

“Well, what was your plan for when that happened?” Joel asked. “Wouldn’t recommend the path I took with Ellie, by the way.”

“Which was?”

“Total un-involvement. We were having a rough point, but I wish I had checked in a bit more.”

“Lev and I have check-ins all the time,” Abby said. “And, I guess that would be what I’d do? Just, you know, make sure he’s being safe, and that he wasn’t being forced or pressured or anything. Let him know that I could talk if he needed to.”

“Would you?”

“Fuck, I’d hate it, but yeah. I mean, I don’t think he’s even close to that point, but… it just startled me so much. He was thirteen when I met him, you know? Almost fourteen, but god. I know he’s grown up, but I thought he’d be thirteen forever, or something. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not.” Joel leaned back, looking back towards Jackson. “Watching a kid grow up is one of the greatest things in life, but it’s also one of the most painful. They get older and they don’t need you as much, and you have to hope you prepared them for all the right things, and that they’ll still want to be around even when they’ve got other people. And that’ll scare the shit out of you, and you’ll wish that they never grow up at all.”

“He is, though. Shit, he’s growing so fast.”

“You’re doing a good job with him, Abby. A real good job. He’s a great kid, and he’s gonna be a fine young man. This is one of those times where you just have to check in and trust him.”

“Yeah, I know. I know. It just scared me. And was very awkward.”

“Remind me to tell you about my fabled five-day patrol. Tommy still thinks it’s because I was bored, but the reason is something a little more similar to this.”

“Oh wow.” Abby flushed. “Ellie and Dina?”

“I considered just throwing myself to the runners.”

“Ok, I’m getting whiplash from this conversation,” Jesse announced. “Can we please just go to bed? Sooner we get this done, the sooner I see my son and Abby can patch things up with hers.”

“Yeah,” Abby said. “I think I owe him a conversation.”

The next day, Abby made a beeline for her house as soon as they got back to Jackson. “Lev?” She called tentatively as she entered the house. “You here?”

“Meditation room.”

Abby walked in slowly, standing just inside the door. The room was painted a deep blue, with a threadbare mat on the floor that Lev was sitting on, legs crossed and hands atop his knees. Abby smiled at how peaceful he looked with his closed eyes and relaxed posture.

“How was patrol?” Lev asked, not opening his eyes.

“It was good. I didn’t find anything cool. Well, I got a comic book for Ellie, but besides that, nothing.” Lev hummed in acknowledgement, but still didn’t look at her. Abby crossed her arms and scuffed the toe of her boot on the rug awkwardly. “So. Uh, what happened before patrol.”

“Thought you didn’t want to talk about it.” Lev finally opened his eyes, turning to Abby. “Didn’t even want to think about it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I did say that huh?” Abby walked a bit closer. “Mind if I sit down?”

“Sure.” Abby sat beside Lev, trying to copy his posture. Being relaxed for this conversation couldn’t hurt, but her mind was racing. She didn’t know how to do this. Literally anyone else would be better at doing this.

“Abby?”

“Yeah?”

“You gonna talk or what?”

“Yeah, ok. Ok.” Abby kept her eyes closed, remaining rigidly in position. “So. Kay. More than just a friend, I guess?”

“Yeah.

“For how long?”

“It just kinda happened that day?”

“Wait, really?” Abby finally broke the posture, turning to Lev to see a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah. They came over, and we- I don’t know, we just talked like normal and I started going on and on about how the religious center was going and we were hoping to open it up soon and then I looked up and they were just staring at me and then they leaned in and I leaned in and yeah.”

“And yeah?” Abby repeated amusedly. “You can say that you kissed, Lev.”

“Yeah, well, it’s just… kinda weird to say.”

“Understandable. So, what, they’re your significant other now?”

“Ugh, that’s such a weird term. And, uh, I don’t know. We didn’t really talk about it.”

“You didn’t?”

“No,” Lev said sullenly. 

“Well, do you want to be their boyfriend?”

“I- yeah, I think so.”

“You were happy, then? I don’t need to go beat a kid up for this whole thing? There was consent?”

“Yeah, no, it’s all good. We were both ok with it. Wait. Oh god, what if they weren’t ok with it?” Lev suddenly sounded horrified, turning to Abby with wide eyes. 

“Lev. Didn’t they lean in first?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Abby snorted. “Moron.”

“Hey, I’m kinda new to this whole thing!”

“Oh, I know. Which is why, as much as I really don’t want to know, I can talk whenever, you know? Any questions you got, I’ll do my best to answer.”

Lev was silent for a moment, but then spoke. “Do you think they think I’m weird?” He asked quietly.

“Most people don’t kiss other people that they think are weird.”

“You think Ellie and Dina are weird.”

“Yeah, and I haven’t kissed them. Point proven.”

“You want to.”

“I-“ Abby hesitated. Check-ins meant honesty. Was this something she was ready to talk about? It was just Lev. Lev, who she was trying to coach through his first ever kiss, possibly the beginning of his very first relationship. “That’s irrelevant right now. Why do you think Kay would believe you’re weird?”

“I just mean, you know.” Lev looked down at his lap. “I’m not exactly a normal guy.”

“You’re more normal than Jesse.”

“I’m serious, Abby.”

“So am I. Kay’s non-binary, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“So then I bet they actually understand better than you think. Why would they assume that you’re weird when they have more in common with you?”

“What if they want a regular guy? Like, a cis one.”

“What does cis mean?”

“Like, not trans. You’re cis, you were born a woman and identify as one.”

“Oh. Cool. Why would Kay want a cis guy over you?”

“I don’t know. What if they just do?”

“Then I’ll find some chocolate for us and some movies to watch, and you can stay away from them because that would make them an asshole. You’re the best kid I’ve ever known, Lev. They’d be stupid to want someone else over you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

“I know for sure, no guessing necessary. Any other questions, things to say?”

“I miss Yara.”

Oh. Abby flinched for a moment, but then thought. Lev didn’t mean that Abby wasn’t good enough. Yara had been his best friend, his greatest protector. It was normal to miss the big sister you lost during the milestones she wasn’t there for. This was something that Lev would have shared with her. She probably would have been better at handling it than Abby.

“Yeah.” Abby draped an arm over Lev’s shoulders. He leaned into her side, head on her shoulder, and she rested her head against his. “Me too.”

“She would have been all excited about this. And I think she would have really liked chocolate.”

“I bet she would.” Abby kissed the top of Lev’s head. “She’d be really proud of you, you know.”

“Dina and I talk about her sometimes. She says the same thing.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. Dina… she lost an older sister too. Talia.”

“Yeah.” Abby swallowed around the lump in her throat. “I’ve seen the pictures.”

“Dina loved her a lot. She misses her all the time.”

“I think everyone misses the people they lose.”

“She says you and Ellie make it better. That you make her happy, even when she feels like she shouldn’t be.”

“Where are you going with this, Lev?”

“Do you know what I like about Kay? They’re my best friend. They’re always kind, and funny, and they make me feel better even when I feel like I shouldn’t be happy without Yara.”

“Lev-“

“I think you do the same for Dina, and for Ellie. They look at you… they look at you the way Kay looked at me right before we kissed. And if you’re telling me that I should try for what I want, that I should be happy, then why can’t you do the same thing?”

“It’s different.”

“How?” Lev challenged.

“They- you’re a good person, kid. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and if that means being with Kay, then that’s what you deserve. I don’t deserve Ellie and Dina.”

“Because you’re not a good person? That’s bullshit.”

“It’s not. You- you didn’t know me before we met. The person I was, the things I did. I murdered people, Lev. I didn’t have to, they didn’t deserve to die, but I did it anyway.”

“Proving my point here, Abby.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“You were a different person then. And maybe that person was bad, but you’ve changed. You’re new, now, and you’re plenty good. I know that. And Dina and Ellie know it too.”

—————————————————————————————————

Dina was a woman unhinged.

The entire house was strewn with decorations, pink and red hearts hanging from doors, the mantle, and cabinets. There were also small hearts taped to the walls, with little handwritten notes and cute drawings. There were more than a few teddy bears on the couches and chairs, and a large paper-mâché heart as a centerpiece on the kitchen table. It was falling apart ever so slightly.

“What do you think?” Dina asked with a grin as Abby took in the explosion of color. “Ellie said the teddy bears may be a bit much.”

“Oh, but the teddy bears were my favorite part,” Abby said, smiling at Ellie’s answering scoff. Dina brightened.

“I knew you’d get it. Ellie thinks I went overboard.”

“Overboard? You? Never.”

“Exactly. I told you.”

“I didn’t say- whatever. I gotta go get Potato from Jesse’s, I’ll drop him off and then I have a watch shift,” Ellie said, grabbing a jacket off the coat hook. Abby dimly recognized it as one that had been hers, but they all had stolen clothes amongst themselves so much that it hardly mattered.

“I’ve got a watch shift in a few minutes too, I’ll walk you to the tower,” Abby offered. Ellie shifted awkwardly for a moment, but then nodded. 

“Sure, yeah. I’ll be right back with Potato. Have fun in the Valentine explosion.”

Ellie darted out the door, slamming it shut behind her. Dina narrowed her eyes.

“I think she’s got something planned and isn’t telling me,” she explained to Abby. “I’m trying to figure out what it is, but I’m not fantastic at detective work.”

“Wouldn’t that ruin the surprise?”

“Clearly you don’t understand the spirit of Valentine’s Day.”

“Which is?”

“Winning,” Dina exclaimed vehemently. “Valentine’s Day is about showing your partner how lucky they are by getting them a better gift than they get you.”

“I don’t really think-“

“It’s the whole point, Abigail.”

“Don’t ever fucking call me that.”

“Too late. Look, I need to know what Ellie’s getting me. Could you please ask her when you walk her to the tower?” Dina pleaded. She grabbed Abby’s arms, arranging her face in the most imploring expression Abby thought she was capable of. “Please?”

“I’m not sure I should really get involved.”

“God, you drive a hard fuckin bargain,” Dina muttered. Abby was about to laugh but choked on her breath when Dina dropped to her knees in front of her. “C’mon, I’m begging you. Please, Abby. Please.”

“I-“

The door swung open, saving Abby from letting whatever jumbled mess was in her brain spill from her lips. Ellie entered, carrying a small bundle of blankets in one arm. “Uh. Am I interrupting something, or?”

“Just me begging for my life.” Dina stood, moving to take JJ from Ellie. “Nothing that unusual.”

“Ok, makes sense. You ready to go?” Ellie directed the last part at Abby, who was standing completely still, barely hearing anything.

“Huh?”

“Ready?”

“I- yeah. Uh huh. Sure.”

“Ok. Wait, lemme grab my guitar real quick, I want to practice while I’m up there.”

Abby waited by the door, still feeling as if she was moving through water. She shook her head in an attempt to recalibrate her brain, but seeing Ellie coming down the stairs with her guitar slung over her shoulders actually didn’t make it any easier.

It wasn’t that Abby found musical ability particularly attractive. But there was something about Ellie in a t-shirt quietly strumming that guitar that made her lose some part of her mind. And when Ellie started singing too? Fuck.

Ellie had a voice like a siren and it didn’t take much to make Abby want to abandon ship to be by her side.

“Alright, let’s go,” Ellie opened the door and quickly stepped out, barely giving Abby time to follow.

“You seem kinda keyed up, dude,” Abby said a few minutes into their walk. “You ok?”

“Yeah, fine. All good.”

“Ok. It’s just, you know, Dina’s kinda worried-“

“She is? What did she say?”

“Just that you’ve been acting shifty.” Abby was bemused by her friend’s sudden seriousness. “What, you cutting out on her or something?”

“No, sorry, I just.” Ellie sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “There’s kind of a lot riding on this Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh holy shit.” Everything made itself obvious at once. “You’re proposing to Dina?”

“What? No!”

Oh. So maybe not everything was obvious. “Well you don’t have to sound so horrified.”

“I’m not-“ Ellie shoved Abby when she saw the grin on her face. “Fuck off, you know I love Dina. I’d marry her in a few years.”

“Yeah? Whole ceremony and all?” God, why was Abby talking about this? Her chest felt like it was caving in.

“Yeah, ceremony and all. We’d have to find her a dress, and I don’t think she’d say yes if I tried to marry her in jeans. A suit, though, I think that’d be good.”

“You’d look good in a suit.”

“So would you. I’m thinking fall, by the way, so block off your entire fall in three years.”

“Oh, I’m attending?”

“Well, yeah, of course, we’d need- um. We’d need a maid of honor.”

“Ellie?”

“Hm?”

“You’re really gonna marry her?”

“Yeah.” Ellie’s voice was steady. “I am.”

“That’s. That’s good. You two, you deserve each other.”

Ellie muttered something, but Abby didn’t catch it. “What was that?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Tell you later. Look, I don’t actually have a watch shift right now. I lied.”

“Oh, I know.”

“What?” Ellie looked incredulously at Abby, who just smiled back. “How’d you know?”

“Dude, you’re a terrible liar. Why would you practice your guitar on watch?”

“It fooled Dina!”

“Dina was just waiting for you to leave so she could tear the house apart looking for your gift to her.”

Ellie tossed her head back and laughed. Abby took a moment, while Ellie was distracted, to just admire how beautiful she was. “She’s something, isn’t she?”

“Oh, definitely.”

They walked in silence for a few moments, a weight lifted from Ellie now that she was no longer lying about their destination. 

Although, some odd tension remained.

“So, what are your valentines plans?” Ellie asked awkwardly, scuffing her shoes against the sidewalk.

“Oh, you know. Bottle of whatever I can find, any horror movie Joel’s willing to let me steal, and then passing out on the couch. A date with myself.” Abby was pretty happy with her plans. Lev was gonna be out on a date with Kay (which she had made a point to tease him about) and wouldn’t be back until at least 10. Abby was almost certain she was the only semi-parent with a minimum curfew instead of a maximum. She was locking the doors and if he was home before she unlocked them, he was sitting on the doorstep.

She was so good at this guardian thing.

Ellie, however, looked upset by her evening itinerary. “You’re not going anywhere?”

“No? Where would I go?”

“I don’t know. No cute guys or girls, maybe?”

“No, definitely not. I mean, eligible for both but god, I wouldn’t wish my sorry ass on anyone,” Abby joked. Or at least tried.

Ellie stopped dead in her tracks. “The fuck are you talking about?”

“What?”

“I mean, seriously, what does that mean? You’re amazing, anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Abby scoffed. ”Yeah, ok. Sure, Williams.”

Ellie’s eyes flashed dangerously. “I’m serious.”

“Yeah, and so am I. Have to be a moron to expect anyone to put up with me-“

Within a second, Abby found herself with her back against a brick wall and Ellie standing within inches of her. “Bullshit. You’re one of the best people I know, Abby, so don’t fucking say you don’t deserve someone who sees that.”

Huh. Is this what a heart attack felt like? Abby thought it could be. Who could blame her? All but pinned to a wall by Ellie Williams; anyone would lose their damn mind. Abby looked into the shorter girl’s eyes, seeing determination and ferocity and-

And something else. Something in Dina’s eyes, something warmer, something soft. No less intense, but not fiery. Just warm.

“You see that,” Abby breathed out.

“Yeah. Yeah, fuck, of course I do. Dina does too, we both- we see you, Abby. And you deserve to be seen. God, sometimes it’s hard for us to look away.”

And, oh, fuck, wasn’t that everything she ever wanted. 

Wait. Shit. No no no. This was not meant to happen. This wasn’t for her. Ellie and Dina, they were together, hell, Ellie was talking about getting married! They didn’t meant the way she did. They didn’t love her like she loved them.

“That’s… that’s really sweet, Ellie,” Abby forced out. “Thank you.”

Ellie seemed to deflate as she stepped back and the charged moment passed. “Sure. Of course.”

“Well. We better move, have to make sure you have enough time for guitar practice. You serenading her or something?”

“I- yeah. Yeah, that was the plan. Too cheesy?”

“No, she’ll love it.” So would Abby, but she was never gonna be the person Ellie was singing to.

—————

Ellie practiced in the cathedral for around two hours. Abby resolved to give her some privacy for her ‘romantic ballad’ and said she’d wait outside the cathedral, but Ellie just pulled her inside and sat beside her. For the first hour, she only practiced the instrumental part, and Abby damn near fell asleep with how nice it was. The setting sun was shining through the stained glass windows, and Ellie’s gentle strumming drifted through her mind peacefully. 

And then Ellie began to sing softly, and Abby wasn’t ashamed to admit that she fell asleep during that part. She couldn’t help it, it was like everything about the situation was designed to be soothing and relaxing. 

She was eventually nudged awake by a smiling Ellie. “Hey there, sleeping beauty. You enjoy your nap?”

“Mm,” Abby rolled over onto her stomach, burying her head in her arms. “‘M not movin’.”

Abby felt the ghost of a touch, like a hand running down her back before Ellie spoke again. “You have to, we have to eat dinner.”

“You have to. I don’t have anywhere to be.”

“Yes you do, you’re coming with me.”

“Need me to take JJ for the night?”

“Huh? No, just get up. Come on, Dina’s probably got food waiting.”

Abby finally rose to her feet, grimacing as her spine popped. “Yeah, for you. I have a bottle of whatever and a horror movie, remember?”

“Fine, just walk me back at least? I feel like I might bolt outta Jackson if I don’t have someone with me.”

Abby laid a reassuring hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “Don’t be nervous, you’re gonna do great. The song was really good.”

“How would you know? You fell asleep,” Ellie teased. 

“Not my fault, your voice is too damn soft. JJ must love lullabies.”

“Quickest way to knock him out. Didn’t think it’d work on you, though.”

“Yeah yeah, quit your joking and let’s go. You’ve got a future wife to serenade.”

“Let’s hope,” Ellie muttered, gathering up her stuff. They set off quickly, Ellie seeming more and more nervous the closer they got to the house. Honestly, as they turned on to the street, Abby swore Ellie was shaking a little.

She reached out and grabbed her hand, startling Ellie. “Hey,” Abby said, squeezing the hand in hers. “You’re gonna do great. Dina’s gonna love it.”

“She’s not the only one I’m worried about,” Ellie said all in one breath, gripping Abby’s hand tightly. 

“What? Shit, Ellie, are you still worried about leaving me alone? I’m fine, I swear. No self-deprecating thoughts on Dina’s favorite holiday.”

“No, it’s just… you’re kinda my best friend, you know that? Dina’s too.”

Huh. Abby hadn’t realized it was possible to be heartbroken and overjoyed at the same time. “Yeah,” she said shakily. “Yeah, you guys are my best friends too.”

“What if we fucked up? Did something stupid? Would you still stick around?”

“What, you planning on shooting me or something?”

“Christ, Abby, no. There’s just… there’s something we both wanna say, and I want to make sure that it won’t change things for the worse.”

Fuck. Could you be dumped without being in a relationship? That’s what this felt like. Shit. What had she done? What had they found out about? The raiders, Owen, the Seraphites? Which of her sins had they finally decided to condemn her for?

“Hey,” Ellie spoke again, squeezing Abby’s hand. “What’s wrong? Shit, I freaked you out, didn’t I? It’s not bad, it’s not bad, I swear. It’s a good thing. I think.”

“You think?”

“Well, we’re happy about it, and we’re hoping you will be too, so I think that helps? I hope?”

“You’re shit at pep talks.”

“Well I didn’t think this would require one! I wasn’t prepared!”

“That’s on you,” Abby said. She straightened up and squared her shoulders, exhaling slowly. “Ok. I’m ready.”

“Oh my god, I’m not taking you to be executed. Lighten up.”

“Well forgive me if I’m a little nervous! I’m not used to surprises,” Abby said as they reached the doorstep.

“Wait, really? Didn’t your friends ever surprise you with gifts or something?”

“I mean, Manny would come with me to the gym sometimes, that was always surprising.”

“Manny?” Ellie asked. Abby smiled ruefully.

“Yeah, he was my roommate.”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t think you’ve said his name before.”

“Probably not.”

“Why?”

Hard to name a ghost. Hard to admit you’re the reason he’s dead. “Just, never have I guess.”

“Hm. Ok, you ready to go in?”

No. “Yes.”

Ellie opened the door and gestured for Abby to go in. “After you.”

The first thing Abby noticed was that the decorations had been rearranged. The hearts on the walls were positioned differently now, made to shape a large heart on the wall next to the couch. The paper mâché heart on the table was gone, replaced by a single lit candle. The light was low, and the couches remained occupied by teddy bears. 

One had clearly been a victim of JJ, but was struggling bravely on.

“Hey, you’re back,” Dina emerged from the kitchen. “I just got done with the brownies.”

“Oh fuck yes,” Ellie exclaimed, running over to kiss Dina’s forehead. “You’re the best ever.”

“Damn right. Couldn’t move the couch on my own though.”

“I got it,” Ellie said confidently. She turned to Abby. “Help me move the couch?”

“I thought you had it,” Abby answered teasingly, immediately put at ease just by being in the house with both of them. “Why are we moving the couch?”

“Dina demands a dance floor,” Ellie grinned. “Push on three. One, two, three!”

With a truly herculean effort (in which Abby barely pushed and forced Ellie to do all the heavy lifting) they moved the couch a solid four feet backwards.

“If I want a real dance floor, Williams, I’ll hold a siege on the community center. This is just for fun.”

“Dinner and dancing. That’s a nice date night,” Abby said. 

“Better than whisky and a horror movie.”

“How’d you know about that?”

“Joel told me you’ve been pestering him about borrowing Nightmare on Elm Street for a week. Is that seriously your favorite? It’s so ridiculous.”

“That’s why I like it,” Abby argued. “And I haven’t been pestering!”

“It was definitely the exact word he used, so you’ll have to take it up with Joel,” Dina grinned. “Now come on, dinner is bread and soup and the bread’s best when it’s warm out of the oven.”

“You made bread? God, why did I even move out.” Abby all but sprinted toward the kitchen, following Ellie as she had already headed in. 

Dina was the best cook. Well, no, it was actually probably Joel, but there was no denying that Dina knew her way around a kitchen. And how to patch up wounds. And how to down whiskey like it was water. Dina was just badass.

And so, so beautiful. Abby looked over at her as she ladled the soup into bowls and just couldn’t breathe for a moment. Dina’s hair, tied back to avoid any mess, spilled over one of her shoulders and Abby felt a sudden impulse to move it to the side and press a kiss to the small freckle there.

The thought was interrupted as Abby was given a bowl of soup. “Thanks,” she said to Dina, not truly trusting herself to speak in more complicated words. “It looks really good.”

She was rewarded by a bright smile. “I hope it is,” Dina said. “It’s the kind of night where everything should be good.”

“And it will be,” Ellie said. “Unless I don’t get bread. Then it’ll be a bloodbath.”

“No blood spilled on Valentine’s day.”

“Wasn’t Saint Valentine executed though?”

“Fuck if I know, I’m not catholic.”

Their meal continued in much the same way, with Ellie and Dina trading jokes and wildly exaggerated stories. They pulled Abby into the conversation every once in a while, but she was mostly content to sit there and listen. Eventually they’d realize that she didn’t deserve this much, so she’d enjoy it while she could.

Well. Maybe not so eventual. As Dina brought out the (delicious looking) brownies, the atmosphere seemed to shift. It became tense, as though the air had become heavier somehow. Dina’s hands shook slightly as she set the plate of brownies down on the table, and Ellie shifted nervously in her seat.

Where there are bullets to be bitten, there’s Abby, ready to bite them. “So what’s this life-changing thing you’ve got to tell me?”

Dina huffed. “You told her already?”

“I just warned her!” Ellie defended. “I thought she should be able to prepare a little! Kinda rude to catch someone off guard about this kind of thing.”

“What kind of thing?”

Dina scoffed at Ellie, but then just… sank into her seat. “I don’t know how to say this.”

“Maybe we start at the beginning,” Ellie said gently, grabbing Dina’s hand and holding it in hers. 

“She threatened to gut us at the beginning, that seems like a poor place to start.” 

“Wait, start what?” Abby asked.

—————

(The Beginning)

Ellie was a weak lesbian. She knew it to be true, and wasn’t ashamed of that fact. Not weak physically, but god, any girl ever in existence had the power to make her brain shut off. 

Which is why she wasn’t even that embarrassed that she tripped over her own feet to look back at the girl following them.

“Seriously?” Dina giggled as Ellie stumbled. “Eyes on the path, Williams.”

“Ok, but you saw her arms, right? Jesus, she could wrestle a bear and win.”

“Oh, I saw her arms,” Dina smirked. “I’m just capable of holding myself together like a normal person.”

“Oh, fuck you, you fell down the stairs the other day because I was only wearing a towel.”

“Whatever. Here’s hoping we get to watch the new girl kick Jesse’s ass in training, he’s getting way too cocky.”

“Shit, I hope it’s the kid that kicks his ass.”

————

(The Competition)

The new girl- Abby- confused Dina.

The kid, Lev, he was ok. Quiet as hell, and kind of confused about some pretty common stuff, but very polite when he actually spoke. And for all his silence, Dina thought she’d actually heard his voice more than Abby’s.

She seemed like a creature of habit. She worked out routinely and spent most of her time with Lev. When she needed anything, she’d really just ask him, and he’d ask Dina. In fact, Dina thought she could count on one hand the amount of times she’d heard the girl’s gruff voice.

Until that night. Dina finished washing the dishes, thinking about the earlier conversation. Lev apparently had a weird childhood, which wasn’t hard to guess just from the scars on his face, but the real surprises came from Abby herself, and it wasn’t just that she had finally heard her speak more than three words.

Her whole story sounded… messy and complicated and honestly very concerning. But there was something about her.

Dina was observant, always had been. So when Abby tensed at the sight of fire, it was noticeable. When she ran her fingers through Lev’s slowly-growing hair, the affection was evident. And in the dim light of the kitchen, talking about things best left behind, the utter exhaustion and regret on her face was clear. Abby may have thought she had a good poker face, but she had nothing on Dina’s perception.

And so it was an easy decision, the next day, to ask Ellie to take Abby to that old boarded-up church she practiced guitar in. And it was easy enough to give away her scant chocolate supply and smile when Abby’s first thought was clearly to give her extra bar to Lev.

————

(The Party)

Ok. So maybe possibly Ellie was just the very slightest bit tipsy. Maybe, perhaps, perchance, perfuckery, she was possibly just a little tiny bit horny too.

Who could blame her? Her girlfriend looked hot as fuck and Abby was-

Wait. Abby? Why Abby? Abby had no effect on her. Abso-fuckin-lutely not, Abby was just a friend. A gorgeous friend, yes, but that was all. 

Never mind the arms like tree trunks and the hint of an idea that Abby could probably lift her up like she was using a bench press.

Shit. If that was starting to get her… excited, then she probably did have too much to drink. This party was stupid. Who even made this weirdly strong punch?

She didn’t struggle too much when Jesse started trying to force water on her.

After all, she was very distracted by the entertainment.

\----------

(The Patrol)

Dina was the fucking queen of engineering.

And Abby was perhaps the queen of managing to look stunning while also being shell-shocked.

Hm. 

Talking to Ellie seemed like something that might be necessary soon.

————

(The Talk)

Ok, so alarms were blaring. Sirens were going off. Red lights were flashing. Hell, Ellie’s whole life was flashing before her eyes.

She was gonna have to move away.

There was no way around it. She would just have to pack up and leave Jackson, sneak away and live off the land until she found somewhere new.

And it wasn’t even her fault!

Well, ok, maybe it was a little bit. She did apparently fall asleep spooning Abby. And perhaps had kissed her forehead a few times. But she stood by that part.

She couldn’t imagine why nobody had ever done that for Abby before. How could anyone not want to- to-

How could anyone not want her?

Except Ellie should want her. Ellie should only want Dina, her beautiful and incredible girlfriend. And she did still want Dina. God, there was no way she couldn’t, no possible world in which her heart didn’t belong to Dina. But waking up next to Abby on the floor stirred something in her, and she really wasn’t sure it was something she could just ignore.

Ellie was pacing when Dina walked in. “We need to talk,” the other girl announced as she shut the door.

Fuck. When did Dina become telepathic? Wait, if she was really telepathic, she could totally hear Ellie’s question and would answer it.

“I’m not telepathic, Ellie,” Dina groaned.

“How did you know-“

“You’re doing that dumb ‘bet there’s a mind-reader in here’ face,” Dina grinned.

“My face isn’t dumb!”

“No, it’s very handsome when you’re not trying to detect superheroes. But we really have something important to talk about.”

Oh. Right. “Abby and I?”

“Abby in general.” Dina nodded. “Why don’t you sit down, ok?”

“What? Are you dumping me?”

“What?” Dina looked shocked. “No! Why would I dump you?”

“I know you saw Abby and I, you put a blanket over us which was really really sweet of you and I’m so sorry, I promise it won’t happen again but also I really kind of wish it could but not because I don’t love you, just because I think I maybe also have feelings for her and I know that’s super selfish of me-“

“I have a crush on her too!” Dina blurted out. 

Ellie stopped.

“I… huh?”

“Yeah. I have feelings for her,” Dina said carefully. “And it sounds like you do too?”

“I. Yeah. I do.”

“Ok. So we both have feelings for her. You don’t-“ Dina looked down, fiddled with the zipper of her jacket. “You still want me, right?”

Ellie sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her and letting Dina snuggle into her side. “Of course I do, I always will. It’s just, different with her, I guess. Like, you’re like… butterflies but also fireworks, you know?

“I definitely don’t.”

“And she’s… fireflies and spiced rum. I love butterflies and fireworks, but I also really enjoy fireflies and spiced rum. Does that make sense?”

“Not a bit,” Dina smiled. “But I love you too. And I kinda get it. It’s still similar to loving you, but so different too.”

“So different.”

“Still good though.”

“Oh it’s fucking fantastic.”

Dina barked out a laugh but then went quiet. “Do you think she likes us back?”

Ellie ran her hand up and down Dina’s arm, thinking. Could Abby like them back? She had let Ellie kiss her forehead while she cried, and she had woken them both up so they’d sleep in a real bed. Shit, she’d practically carried them there, taking care of them while they were barely awake. Ellie wasn’t sure if that was out of love or not, but it felt like Abby at least cared.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “But I think she cares about us.”

“Mm. But would she sleep with us?”

Ellie choked on her own breath. “Dina!”

“Is a woman not allowed to be curious?”

—————

(The Crib)

Ellie really didn’t think she should have felt as excited as she did that Joel and Abby got along.

But shit, Joel was basically her father, and it felt important.

Everything about Abby felt important.

————-

(The Baby)

Shit fuck oh my god the baby could not be worth this much pain.

Ellie. Abby. Ellie. Abby. Dina missed-

Wanted-

Needed-

Ellie. Abby.

Fuck.

This baby better be the cutest motherfucker in existence.

—————

(The baby was the cutest motherfucker in existence)

—————

(The Mistake)

Ellie was living out of the boarded-up church.

And yeah, it wasn’t the best. It was a bit moldy, in some spots, and sort of falling apart in others. She could have stayed with Joel but she just… she couldn’t face it.

Dina didn’t want to see her. Would probably never want to see her again. Fuck, she probably wouldn’t want Ellie anywhere near JJ. Who would want a freak of biology around their kid? Someone who had been marked by death the way she had? 

She should have known better. She should have expected less.

She shouldn’t be hoping that someone would want her around.

She would leave, she thought as she picked at her guitar absent-mindedly. Pack a bag and go. She wouldn’t ask Joel to come with her, she couldn’t. He was so happy here, with his brother and a safe place to live. She wouldn’t force him to tear himself up and follow her when she didn’t even know where to go-

And then Abby hopped through the window, looking for all the world like one of the angels in the stained glass windows, and Ellie thought maybe there was something divine about this place, even if it wasn’t necessarily holy.

After all, it was where she realized she was in love.

————-

(The Flirting)

Dina and Ellie were both terrible at flirting.

Dina maintained that sending Abby in while Ellie was shirtless was a good move. 

Ellie was too flustered to respond.

————-

(The Fall)

When Dina heard that Abby had fallen on duty, looking damn close to death, cold fear flooded her ribs. It consumed her, filling her eyes with unshed tears and her mind with abject terror.

She didn’t really remember how she left the clinic, or how she got to the construction site. She had no memory of bringing Abby back to the clinic, of waiting anxiously while the doctors checked her over. 

It was all a blur, a fuzzy, terrifying, thing that Dina was grateful she didn’t remember much of.

She heard the word tumor once and lost it until the nurse reassured her the only test they could run for that had come back negative.

Eventually it was concluded that she was severely overworked. Somewhat dehydrated, but not terribly so. Likely had a tension migraine that Dina didn’t like the sound of at all, and a slight fever. She also needed to eat more, and Dina resolved that Abby would have a well-cooked meal that night, and every night after if she could help it. (Or if she could enlist Joel.)

She probably just needed rest, the nurse told Dina. Probably hasn’t been sleeping well. Probably has just pushed herself through her exhaustion.

Probably hadn’t meant to make Dina feel the way she did when she saw that Ellie had been bitten, when she thought that she wasn’t coming home.

And yet, here they were, with Abby passed out on her couch, barely stirring as Dina gently wiped the sweat off of her face with a cloth.

She looked so peaceful as she slept, Dina thought. So at ease. So very beautiful.

For just a moment, Dina was seized with the urge to press her lips to those of the girl sleeping next to her, but she quickly shook it off.

She and Ellie had an agreement. The first time either of them kissed Abby, they both had to be there. And Dina wasn’t an asshole, nobody can consent if they’re asleep. But god, the second that active consent was there? Dina was going to kiss this girl until she couldn’t breathe. She was going to climb her like a goddamn tree, with Ellie’s help. She was going to wake up early the next morning to make breakfast for both Abby and Ellie and she was going to-

Oh no.

Fuck.

Not this shitty, domestic, being-in-love bullshit again.

Goddamnit.

“Hey Ellie?” Dina called softly.

“Yeah?” Ellie answered from the kitchen. “Hold on, I’m looking for the garlic.”

“I think I’m in love with her.”

“Oh, shit. Same here bro!”

“Never call me that again. Really?”

“Bro is a great pet name, and yes really. Kinda had a moment when she came to get me and bring me back to you after the bite thing.”

“Still sorry about that.”

“I’m sorrier, if that’s a word.” Ellie emerged from the kitchen, coming to sit beside Dina. “So. We’re both in love with her?”

“Seems so.”

“Huh. Have you told her?”

“I only just realized, I’ll need a solid week or two before I even start flirting with her again.”

Ellie glanced at Abby, still dozing, showing no signs of waking. “I don’t know if I can wait that long.”

“C’mon cowboy, what’s a couple of weeks? We could last that long.”

“What about Valentine’s Day?” Ellie suggested. “That’s a good three weeks away, so you’d have time to plan. I could distract her while you get ready, and then we tell her?”

“I don’t know. What if we freak her out? What if she just… doesn’t love us back?”

“Then we do what she wants, what she needs from us. She wants to still be friends, we’re still friends. She wants something more, then we’re something more. I reckon it’s all up to her.”

“Sounded like Joel just then,” Dina teased, smiling when Ellie wrinkled her nose in faux disgust. “I just… I only just realized I love her. I don’t want to drive her away that quick.”

“We’ll see what happens, ok? We’ll see.” Ellie pulled Dina closer and laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. “I have to make sure dinner doesn’t burn. You want to stay with her?”

Dina looked down at Abby, who was slowly burying herself deeper in the couch cushions. She reached out and smoothed some of her hair back from her face. “Yeah, I’ll stay with her.”

“Ok. I love you, yeah?”

“I love you too. So much.”

“She loves you too,” Ellie said. “I know she does. I’m not as oblivious as everyone thinks.”

“She loves you too.”

Ellie shrugged. “We’ll find out.”

“And we’ll be ok no matter what.”

—————

Silence fell as Ellie and Dina finished their story, their long recap of all the moments that they realized there was something there with Abby. They sat anxiously at the table, waiting for an answer.

And Abby couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Fuck, was she even breathing? She wasn’t sure. 

They loved her. Dina and Ellie, Ellie and Dina, they loved her. They knew they did, they didn’t even stumble when they said it. Ellie knew she loved her in the church and Dina was slower to figure it out but god, she was looking at Abby and Abby was looking at her and-

A deep cold settled in Abby’s bones. She inhaled sharply in alarm as Dina’s kitchen fell away, faded into a place she recognized. She stared in horror at the aquarium floor, at the puddle of red spreading across the floor, coming from the head of-

Oh god, that was it. She had forgotten. She had thought it was different now, like a fucking moron.

People that Abby loved don’t get to be safe. They don’t end up happy.  
And suddenly Abby was back in Dina’s kitchen, but not with the two people she loved looking at her.

Two red puddles spread across the hardwood floor.

Abby jolted back from her chair, shoving herself away from the table violently.

“Abby?” Ellie reached out, no longer bleeding on the floor, now in her seat and looking at Abby in concern. “What is it?”

“I- no. I can’t.” Abby shook her head, looking at everything except the two women sitting in front of her. “This isn’t happening.”

“I. I think it is, Abby,” Dina said gently. “Are you ok?”

“I-“ Abby shuddered, willing the image of Ellie and Dina bleeding out in their own kitchen from her mind. “I can’t do this.”

“Oh.”

Ellie slumped; Dina’s face went blank for a moment before she forced a smile. “Well. That’s ok, of course. Should we send some brownies home with you?”

“I’m-“

“No need to be sorry. Don’t worry about it. Silly of us, honestly.” Dina occupied herself by putting almost half the brownies in a container, handing it off to Abby quickly. “Here, for you and Lev.” Her eyes shone with tears, and Abby’s heart begged her to speak, to tell them she was wrong, that she wanted them more than anything and loved them more than she could say. But her mind shut down the coup her heart was attempting to stage, and she mechanically accepted the container offered to her without a word and began to leave.

“We’ll, uh. We’ll see you around, yeah?” Ellie’s voice was shaky, and Abby couldn’t turn to look at her. Seeing Dina was hard enough, was bad enough that it almost eroded her will entirely. Seeing Ellie trying not to cry? Because of her? She’d never recover.

But it was better than burying them the way she buried everyone else she loved.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be around,” she heard herself stay. She hated how steady her voice was, how uncaring she sounded. If nothing else, she wished they knew how much this hurt her too.

But they didn’t see the tears falling from her eyes, and so they didn’t know at all.

(Lev didn’t even look at the brownies when she arrived home in tears. He took them, put them on the table, and pulled her onto the couch and let her cry until she thought her whole body would shrivel up the way her heart had.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, I promise there will be more! This is not the end of the story! I have not yet written a fic with an unhappy ending and I'm not starting now. That being said, I hope you enjoyed this second chapter and the third will be up (hopefully) soon. Very sorry for the sudden angst, it just felt too easy otherwise. Abby still has some shit to work through before she's really ready to be with Ellie and Dina. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, leave a comment if you'd like to, and have a great day/night!


	3. part iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this had three chapters. this was supposed to be the end but i got excited and wrote too much and now there's another chapter. i am so sorry lol. i can't believe i ever thought this was just gonna be a one-shot. sorry in advance.

Lev wasn’t putting up with it.

Not today. The lesbian drama could wait for one day. 

Well, no, that was harsh. It wasn’t just drama. Abby was seriously hurting, and he bet that Dina and Ellie were too. But it needed to be on hold for at least an hour or so, because today he had other things to focus on.

Like getting this stupid tie to work right.

Lev pulled frustratedly at the knot he had created. It didn’t look right, and it needed to look right. He and Maria were finally uncurtaining- unveiling the new worship space. He had figured they would just announce it at a town meeting or something, but Maria had smiled so much when she told him that they were going to have an official opening, he didn’t even really ask what that entailed.

Kay had explained that he would probably have to give people a little tour of the place or something, and that he should look nice. Granted, Kay had also said that he always looked nice, which still made him blush when he thought about it, but he wanted to put in a little extra effort.

Except this stupid tie was apparently going to require more than a little extra effort.

Lev huffed as he undid the knot. He’d have to try again. He was wearing his binder, and his nice shirt, and he was going to look nice, dammit.

He had worked too hard on this to have it go badly when it finally became real.

He continued to fiddle with the tie until he heard a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called, smiling when Abby slunk into the room. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Abby stuffed her hands in her pockets awkwardly, leaning against the wall. It was kinda fun, Lev thought, to see her so nervous. “Um. That a new poster?”

“Yeah. It’s this band Kay really likes, they gave it to me a few days ago.”

“Yeah? How’s that going?”

“The poster?” Lev feigned confusion. “I think it looks cool.” It did, it was really colorful and it was nice to have the reminder of Kay in the room.

“No, I meant with Kay.”

“Kay’s… Kay’s great,” Lev said, a smile forming on his face as he thought of them. “They’re really nice to me, you know? And they get me, like without me even mentioning stuff. They’re gonna be there today cuz they know I’m gonna be nervous.”

“That’s good. You need help with your tie?” Abby asked.

“I just don’t know how to do it,” Lev grimaced. “Feels like it’s choking me.”

“C’mere.” Abby grabbed the tie. “Lucky for you, my dad taught me how to do these.”

“He did?”

“Yep. He said that at one point in my life, I’d meet a guy who was too stupid to do it on his own, but I’d love him enough that I’d want to help him out.” Abby huffed out a laugh as she worked on the tie. “Granted, I don’t think he meant I’d practically forcibly adopt a kid and have to teach him, but I’m pretty happy with that.”

Lev grinned. “Better than the other option?”

“Oh, absolutely. Look in the mirror, see if that looks ok.”

Lev rushed over to the mirror, marveling at the perfect knot Abby had created that managed to look great without choking him. He ran his fingers over the tie for a few moments before meeting her eyes in the mirror. “Thank you.”

Abby grinned. “You’re welcome. Now go on, you’re gonna knock them dead.”

“What?”

“Oh, it means you’re gonna really impress them.”

“Why would that knock them dead?”

“Again, Lev, I can’t explain English, I just speak it. Go have fun.”

Lev paused. “Wait. You’re not coming?” He needed Abby there. Nerves were one thing, that was easy enough to deal with, especially with Abby there. But being on his own to show off the work he had poured his very soul into? No way.

Abby grimaced. “Just not feeling up to it, kid.”

“You’re sick again?”

“I’m just not really-“

“They won’t be there, you know.” Lev winced at the way Abby stiffened, but went ahead anyway. “They’re not gonna be there. They both have stuff to do, they said they’d check it out tomorrow.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Abby, it’s been a month. When are you gonna stop avoiding them?”

“I’m not avoiding them, they’re avoiding me!”

“Oh, right, because you don’t duck into any random building to avoid walking by them on the streets.”

“They got all our shifts switched around so we’d never see each other! I’m just following their lead,” Abby replied stubbornly.

Lev sighed. “Have you considered that they’re trying to give you space to think? To figure out what you’re feeling?”

“They wouldn’t make sure they didn’t see me for a month if they were just ‘giving me space’, Lev. They realized they made a mistake and they don’t actually- they just don’t want me around anymore, ok? Trust me, they’re not gonna see me unless they’re forced to.”

Lev considered arguing, digging his heels in and forcing Abby to talk about what happened on Valentine’s Day. But he knew it wouldn’t help, not if she truly believed Ellie and Dina would only see her if they were forced.

Wait.

Suddenly, miraculously, Lev knew what to do.

“Fine,” he groaned. “They’re avoiding you. That’s probably why they aren’t coming today.”

“Sorry, Lev.” Abby didn’t seem happy to be proven right. “I know you wanted them there to show it off.”

“No, it’s ok. But since they won’t be there, will you come, at least? I don’t want to just do it on my own. I mean, Maria will be there, but it’d be nice to have someone in the crowd who’s on my side, you know?”

Abby looked down at the floor as she scuffed the toe of her boot against the carpet. Lev held back a smile; he knew he had her.

“Fine,” she grunted. “I guess it’d be cool to see the place.”

“It’s gonna be so cool!” Lev enthused, clapping his hands. “You can even meet Kay! Like, properly.” Lev felt his cheeks heat up as he remembered Abby and Kay’s only previous meeting.

He groaned internally as a wide, mischievous grin spread across Abby’s face. “Oh, then I’ll definitely come. Can’t wait to meet Kay.”

“No hassling them.”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Nah. But I figured it was better to lie here than a house of worship.”

——-

So perhaps Lev had gotten the day wrong. Just perhaps.

You know, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. He had just been so stressed about the opening, how could he really be expected to remember who was showing up on which day? 

How could he remember that Ellie and Dina had actually promised to drop by on opening day?

Ok, yeah, so he knew. Sue him, he was getting tired of this. He missed Dina’s cooking, and Ellie’s easy encouragement. But mostly, Lev missed the way Abby smiled when she was with them. He wasn’t really even sure if she knew what she was doing, but she hadn’t smiled like that since Valentine’s Day. And Lev was sick of it.

So really, this was as subtle and honest as he had the patience to be.

Lev paced anxiously behind the building. Maria had asked him to be in the back room to show people the worship spaces, but he didn’t feel like going in yet. Honestly, he was more nervous now about tricking Abby than giving people tours. Nobody would kill him if he mispronounced something, but Abby would definitely kill him if this went wrong.

“Hey,” a familiar, teasing voice called. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Lev turned to see Kay perched atop the roof of the building.

“How’d you get up there?” He called with a smile.

Kay grinned back. “I’m a good climber,” they answered. “Mind if I join you down there?”

Lev shook his head and watched as Kay (somewhat gracefully) hopped onto the storage bin beside the building and then down to the ground, making their way towards him, still grinning. “Hi.”

Lev rolled his eyes but smiled and pulled them in for a hug. “Hey.”

“How ya feelin’?” Kay pulled back to look at him. “Nervous?”

“A little.”

“You’re gonna do great.” Kay’s warm brown eyes held nothing but reassurance, and Lev found himself relaxing just slightly.

“I hope. I think this is something people could really use, you know?”

Kay nodded. “Because religious beliefs shouldn’t be sidelined for day to day survival, and in fact should have further emphasis placed on them because people find comfort in their worship, practice, and relationship with faith. Also everyone should have access to an acceptable place of worship for their chosen beliefs.”

“You do listen.”

“You ramble, I’m bound to pick up something.”

“Mhm. Oh, I might be dead before our date on Friday.”

“Oh?”

“I told Abby that Dina and Ellie were showing up tomorrow when they’re actually gonna be here today.”

“I’ll make arrangements for the funeral.”

“Much appreciated.” Lev sat down against the building, smiling when Kay sat beside him. He smiled a lot when Kay was around. It hurt his face a little, but he didn’t mind.

“They’ve really got to work through their shit,” Kay grumbled as they laid their head against Lev’s shoulder. “Everyone can see that Abby’s still in love with them, this dumb breakup is so pointless.”

“Yeah, I- wait, breakup?”

“Yeah. What, are they not broken up?”

“Hard to break up if they were never dating.”

Kay shot upright. “What do you mean, they were never dating?”

“Ellie and Dina are together,” Lev said slowly.

“Uh-huh.”

“Abby’s not dating them.”

“What?”

“You thought she was?”

“Everyone thought she was!” Kay exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. “She was always over at their place, always on patrol with them, she’s basically their kid’s third mom… they seriously weren’t all dating?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck. Then why are they all so mopey?”

“Something happened on Valentine’s Day, but Abby won’t tell me what. I think they must have confessed to her and she shot them down.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, she’s Abby?” Lev shrugged. “Point is, she does want to be with them. But she’s avoiding them right now because she thinks they hate her. So, I told her they wouldn’t be here today and they’ll have to actually see each other. And they’ll even have to be civil about it, because they all love me and wouldn’t ruin this for me.”

Kay raised an eyebrow. “How devious.”

“I’m a good schemer.”

“You are. And you’re also about to be a good tour guide, because I think Maria is ready to start.”

“Oh, shit.” Immediately, the nerves that had disappeared crashed back onto Lev. He froze where he sat, staring blankly up at Kay.

They giggled and pulled him up. “C’mon, you’re gonna do great. People are gonna be happy that you did this for them.”

“I mostly did it for me.”

“Well, that’s ok too. But maybe don’t tell them.”

“Noted.”

Kay walked Lev almost all the way to the front of the building, but stopped just out of the small crowd’s view.

“Why are we stopping?”

“So I could do this,” Kay answered, before pressing their lips to Lev’s, moving their hands to cup his face gently. He let his hands fall to their waist and forgot, for a moment, everything that had been making him stressed.

Kay pulled away with a blinding smile. “I’ll see you when you’re done, right?”

“Uh. Yeah, yes, uh-huh. Yep,” Lev replied dumbly. His face felt warm all over, but it was especially warm where Kay’s hands had been.

“Ok. Good luck!”

“Thanks!” Lev called after Kay, finally reacting at a normal rate.

He was gonna need to be quicker than that to avoid Abby’s wrath after the day was done.

————-

Abby was gonna fucking kill him.

She seethed in the line to get into the building, but it was hard to seethe and also hide behind a random old lady. Better than the alternative, she supposed.

Which would be getting spotted by Dina and Ellie, who weren’t even supposed to be here.

Lev was a dead man walking.

At the front of the crowd, a loud clap startled Abby and she straightened up as Maria’s voice rang out.

“Hey folks, if I could have everyone’s attention please?” Maria waited for a moment for any chatter to die down. “I’m sure you all know what you’re here for, but in case you don’t, let me give you a little introduction. No more than a year ago, we welcomed some new people into Jackson. One of them I could live without-“ Maria shot a wry grin towards Abby, who rolled her eyes in response- “but one of them is one of the oddest kids I’ve ever known. Definitely one of the greatest, but no small amount of strange to me. And I thought it was even stranger when he came to me with the idea of making a worship center for the faithful to practice in.” Maria paused. “Then I got to know the kid, and I realized he wasn’t hardly strange at all. He just knew that what was important to him may have a chance at being important to other people, and so he was gonna do his best for them. And I think his best was much better than anything I could have imagined. Welcome to the Jackson worship center, everyone. Inside, you’ll find more than a few rooms dedicated to each of the faiths we’ve seen or heard of that are practiced in Jackson, along with holy books and any necessities for the practice that we could find. Lev and myself will be giving tours, and we’re glad to have this space prepared for you. Group up and follow me!”

Abby, much like the rest of the crowd, clapped loudly at the end of the speech. 

God, maybe she was too proud of the kid to kill him. She was getting way too soft.

Abby stood behind for a few moments, waiting for Ellie and Dina to go in first. They followed Maria through the doors, and Abby’s chest felt more pained than ever when she noticed JJ in a carefully built wooden stroller between them.

She slunk in after them, trying her best to blend in with the building. As she did, she noticed that the building she was trying to blend in to was actually pretty interesting. The walls had a dark wood paneling in the entryway that somehow added to some sort of general mystique, and the doors leading off from the main hallway were individually painted, clearly to denote the religious space they lead into. Abby didn’t really recognize any, but they were rather pretty.

Lev’s work had been worth it, she thought proudly.

“Abby! Over here!” Speaking of Lev, she snorted as she saw the kid jumping up at the end of the hallway to be seen over the group, waving his hands frantically. Abby began to weave her way through the crowd, moving efficiently towards him.

Until she bumped into some random kid and knocked them to the ground.

“Ah, shit, sorry about that.” Abby reached down to help the kid up. “Trying to move quick.”

“No problem, I get it. I was trying to get to my boyfrie- oh. Hi Abby.” The kid offered their hand to shake. 

Abby took it bemusedly. “Sorry, do I know you?” She didn’t really recognize the kid. Short, curly brown hair, kinda small, killer eyeliner. Dina would love that.

“Oh, sorry, I guess we haven’t met properly. I’m Kay.”

Oh. 

Abby felt herself grin as she realized Lev wasn’t even there to supervise her. “So you’re Kay, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Hm.” Abby was careful to keep her tone emotionless and her face blank, enjoying the slight panic that shone through Kay’s eyes. “That’s interesting.”

“Interesting?”

“Mhm.” Abby bit back a grin as Kay’s nerves rose. Maybe there was fun left after all.

“I, uh. I’m glad you’re here to support Lev.”

“Oh, sure, yeah. You know how it is. Kill a couple hundred people to protect a kid and you get a little bit attached.”

“I… don’t really know how that is. Did you say a couple hundred?”

“Yep.”

“Cool. Cool cool cool. This feels like the time to mention my intentions are good.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kay’s panic faded, replaced by an earnestness Abby couldn’t help but be swayed by. “He’s the best person I’ve ever met. He’s sweet, and funny, and he just cares, so much. I don’t want to ever hurt him.”

“Want is different than will. You can’t guarantee that.”

“Watch me,” Kay challenged, sticking their chin up with all the determination of a fifteen year old in their first real relationship.

And yeah, ok, maybe this kid seemed alright. “Ok, kid, you can stand down. You seem pretty good, and god knows Lev likes you a lot. I don’t have any control over his dating life, but if it matters to you, you’ve got my approval.”

Kay shrugged. “It matters to him, so it matters to me.”

“That’s good.” Abby stood quietly for a moment. “Well, this has been fun.”

“I thought you’d probably kill me.”

“Nah, you get to stick around for now.”

“That’s very generous of you.”

“It’s the atmosphere, it’s really doing wonders for my morality.”

Kay cracked a smile, and Abby found herself smiling back.

Lev suddenly appeared at Abby’s side, tugging at her arm. “What’s the hold-up? Oh, hi Kay. What do you think so far?” Abby found herself stifling a smirk as she saw Kay brighten and Lev become more shy, masking his eagerness to hear Kay’s thoughts.

“It’s amazing, Lev,” they gushed. “I love the doors, and I haven’t been in any of the rooms yet but it all looks so beautiful.” This time Abby almost gagged as Kay softened their tone on the last word, looking straight into Lev’s eyes.

This was disgusting and she probably wasn’t allowed to fake-vomit in a house of worship or whatever.

“Having fun?” Abby stiffened as she heard a familiar voice just behind her. She turned with an internal groan to face Ellie and Dina.

“Yep. Really cool.” Abby wished she was drunk. She would do this better if she was drunk. She’d been drunk for a large portion of the last two weeks (except when she was on the job or responsible for Lev, so really not nearly enough) but of course she sobered up for this. Of course she couldn’t be vaguely tipsy to confront the two people who-

Nope.

“Yeah, Lev did a good job,” Ellie said quietly. “He’s a great kid.”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell for just a moment, until Dina decided to throw subtlety out the window. “We didn’t think you’d be here today,” she said plainly. “Lev said you were showing up tomorrow.”

“He told me you guys were showing up tomorrow.” Abby looked over her shoulder, but Lev had scampered off somewhere, leaving Kay to just give Abby an innocent smile. Abby narrowed her eyes at the kid before turning back.

“Yeah. Well, he must have gotten things mixed up.”

“Yeah. Must have.”

The trio stood quietly as Abby made a herculean effort to avoid eye contact with either of them, watching as the hallway emptied and the rest of the people began to explore the specialized rooms.

“You uh. Find a place to teach JJ to pray?” Abby asked awkwardly. 

“Why can’t we talk like normal?” Dina replied immediately, the words coming out in a rush. Ellie took her hand, but didn’t interrupt. “We miss you, Abby. And we get that you don’t want us like we want you, but god, we’d hoped you’d still be our friend. Is that too much? Do you not want that anymore?”

Abby was blindsided. “Um. It’s not that I don’t want-“

“Hey!” Lev appeared from out of nowhere, startling Abby. “Did you guys see the temple room?”

“Yeah, Lev, we did,” Ellie responded, easy grin on her face again, no sign of the imploring expression she’d had a moment earlier. For a while, Abby had been confused when people said that Ellie’s easygoing nature was just a mask. Now she just hated that Ellie felt the need to wear that mask around her.

“What did you think?” Lev, either entirely oblivious to the situation or dead-set on bailing Abby out, was practically bouncing on his heels as he waited to hear Ellie and Dina’s thoughts.

“It was amazing, Lev,” Dina answered brightly. “It was really cool.”

“I loved all the painted windows,” Ellie mentioned. “And look, we’re super proud of you, but we’re gonna have to go real quick. Busy day.”

“Oh yeah, no problem. Thanks for coming by!”

“Of course, thanks for having us. See you around, Abby.” Dina turned to leave, Ellie’s hand still in hers. 

And Abby couldn’t explain what came over her, except that it felt like her chest would rip itself apart if she didn’t do something, anything-

“Are you doing anything for dinner tomorrow?” She blurted out.

Ellie stopped. She turned around, pulling Dina with her. “Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Maybe we could talk?” Abby suggested hesitantly.

Dina looked to Ellie, who nodded, and then back to Abby.

“I think that’d be nice.”

“Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” Ellie repeated, and with a final wave, the pair was gone.

Abby groaned and fell against the wall of the hallway, sinking to the ground with her face in her hands.

“Oh, don’t be like that. That wasn’t so bad,” Lev said.

“Eh, it wasn’t pretty,” Kay remarked. “I mean, mission accomplished, but-“

“Hey Kay,” Abby interrupted, a small smirk on her face. “How about you come to have dinner with Lev and I this weekend? I’d love to get to know the person who’s so important to Lev.”

“Absolutely not, I like having them around and I’m not letting them die from your cooking,” Lev replied immediately.

“My cooking is not bad!”

—————————————————————————————————

Joel was hardly an organized man. He just had a policy of not letting things get messy enough that they needed to be organized. But his workshop? Yeah, he’d admit he put some effort into that.

Every tool and every material had its proper place, and he made an effort to return it to that place when he was done with it. At first it was done for safety because he kept almost tripping over his saw, but eventually it became a habit.

Which Ellie typically mocked mercilessly, but today she was just dead silent, which didn’t usually indicate anything good.

“What’s up with you?” Joel asked bluntly, wincing slightly at the lack of subtlety in his tone. He had meant to sound a bit more gentle than that.

“Nothing. How does this look?” Ellie handed him the small piece of wood she had been sanding down. It was the most anatomically horrifying attempt at a duck that Joel had ever seen.

“Looks great, babygirl. But could you tell me what’s wrong? I don’t think I got the patience to puzzle it out.”

“You got the patience, you just don’t have the lifespan,” Ellie grumbled, setting her duck(?) on the bench. “I’m just… just tired.”

Joel raised an eyebrow. “This have anything to do with Abby being around less?” He didn’t want to admit it, but he sort of missed having the other girl around. She made Ellie and Dina smile, and she wasn’t half-bad company to him either. Clearly cared a lot about his daughter, so it wasn’t exactly enjoyable to have her gone.

“How do you know about that?”

“Because I’m not blind? You and Dina have been moping around like someone kicked your puppy, and she ain’t around. Not that difficult to put two and two together.”

“Yeah, well, you’d be sad too if-“ Ellie stopped suddenly, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with the end of her sleeve. “Joel, I have to tell you something.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“You want to sit down, old man? I’d hate to give you a heart attack,” Ellie joked weakly. Joel grunted but sat on the ground, leaning against the workbench.

“Alright, what’s this big, heart-attack giving news you got?”

“I’m in love with Abby.” Ellie fiddled with her sleeves, shrinking into herself slightly, refusing to make eye contact. Joel gave himself a moment of internal vindication before switching to reassurance mode. 

“Ok. That’s nice, Ellie.”

“I- what?” Ellie’s head shot up; Joel almost laughed aloud at her stunned expression. “What do you mean, ‘that’s nice’?”

“Being in love is typically a pretty nice thing.”

“You don’t- I just told you I’m in love with someone other than my girlfriend and you just think it’s nice?”

Joel smiled. “Well, Dina loves her too, don’t she?”

“How’d you know that?”

“I told you. Not that difficult to put two and two together.”

“But what was the two and the other two?”

“You just… you always want to spend time with her, and you’re always trying to do things for her, to help her or make her day better. You spend a lot of time trying to make her smile. I’m no expert, but that sounds like love to me.”

“And how would you know, old man? Got some secret girlfriend I don’t know about?”

“There’s a reason I never ask you to come over on Sundays,” Joel joked. Ellie’s nose crinkled in disgust even as she laughed.

“That’s gross, don’t ever make me think you have a lady again.”

“Shouldn’t have asked if you didn’t want an answer.”

Ellie snorted but fell silent. Joel was content to sit in the expectant silence, waiting for her to voice whatever was happening in her head.

“We told her,” Ellie said quietly. “And she ran. Like, fully ran to get away from us.”

“Did you serenade her? Because then I think it was a predictable outcome, and she was fully in the right.”

“Oh, fuck you.” 

Joel laughed. “Look, Ellie, I know it’s probably tearing you up, but it’s gonna be just fine. Really, I’m sure of it.”

“How would you know?”

“I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing.” And a plan, but Joel didn’t mention that part.

—————

Ellie left Joel’s that day feeling mostly content. Why shouldn’t she? The sun was shining, her kid was great and had almost said a word, (not really but she had high hopes, if the kid was anything like his mother then he was a genius) and also she was in love with someone else who didn’t love her back.

Hence only being mostly content. 

Ellie shook her head as she reached the front door. Dina was home from patrol, JJ was here, and she couldn’t be thinking about this right now. They needed her to be reliable, and she paused for a moment to shove her own issues down before taking a deep breath, forcing a smile onto her face, and walking in.

“Honey, I’m home!” She called out, smiling a bit more genuinely when she saw JJ in his high chair at the kitchen table, clapping his hands at her arrival. “Where’s your mom, huh?”

“Cooking,” Dina answered as Ellie entered the kitchen. “Got some good pork this week.”

“Yum.” Ellie set her bag down on a chair and went to wrap her arms around Dina from behind, kissing her cheek and then her shoulder. “How are you?” 

“Fine. Picked up the food after I got back, Jesse’s parents say hi.”

“Hm. How about you sit down, yeah? I’ve just been carving with Joel, you’ve been on patrol for two days. You should take it easy.”

“Fine, but don’t burn the house down. I like having a roof.”

“Understood, roof is mandatory. How do we feel about walls?” Ellie took control of the pan on the stove as Dina snorted and dropped into the chair beside JJ. She rubbed at her temples, and Ellie couldn’t deny the wave of concern the action inspired. That was Dina’s stress move. “You sure you’re ok?”

“Just tired. Been tired a lot lately.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been feeling it too.”

“I miss Abby,” Dina said quietly. Ellie couldn’t help the way she stiffened, almost burning herself as she mixed some chopped tomatoes and onions with the pork. 

“Yeah. I know.” Ellie didn’t turn around, pushing the onions around the sizzling pan. Didn’t chopped onions make you cry? That explained the sudden sting in her eyes.

Mostly.

“I keep cooking too much. Portions for three.”

“We could invite Jesse ‘round.”

“You know that isn’t the issue.”

“I’ll do more of the cooking,” Ellie said decisively. “Been asking you to do it too much anyway.”

“Well, I like doing it. And Joel and I are the only ones in this family who can.”

Ellie’s lips quirked up in a smile. “Family, huh?”

“You’re helping me raise our child, dumbass, dunno what else to call it.”

“You loooove me,” Ellie teased, tossing a look over her shoulder, smile widening when she saw the small grin on Dina’s face.

“Somehow, I totally do.” Dina picked up JJ and brought him toward Ellie, bouncing him slightly as she went, making him giggle. “And so does this little monster. He’s all excited after his afternoon with the grandparents, but I think he missed his moms.”

Ellie dropped a kiss to JJ’s forehead, laughing when he grabbed her finger and curled his small hand around it. “I missed Little Potato too, but I think we’re gonna have to wait awhile before Joel baby-proofs his workshop.”

“I don’t know, JJ might be more trustworthy with power tools than you.”

“I resent that.”

“You drilled your sleeve into a table.”

“Well, the shirt survived, didn’t it?”

“By sheer power of will, it did. A true miracle.”

A knock on the door interrupted their teasing banter. Ellie looked to Dina, but Dina just shrugged. She wasn’t expecting anyone either, Ellie guessed. Dina quickly shifted JJ onto her hip and went to answer the door as Ellie finished up with the food.

“Oh, hey. Um. Come on in.” At Dina’s tone of voice, Ellie could tell with no problem who had just walked in. “We’re just, uh, in the kitchen.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s time for dinner. I’ll be quick, don’t worry,” Abby answered. Ellie almost didn’t turn around, knowing how much it would hurt to see Abby back after so long and have it not be the same in the slightest.

But maybe she was a masochist, because she turned back with a smile plastered on her face. “Abby, hey! What can we do for you?”

“Hey, Ellie.” God, it wasn’t fair that Abby looked so composed when Ellie felt her stomach twisting itself into a knot. She should have the decency to feel just as anxious about this. “Uh, Joel invited me to movie night tomorrow night, and I wanted to see if that was ok.”

“We’re not in charge of your schedule, why would we decide?” Dina asked lightly, intercepting the grabby hands JJ was making at Abby. 

“I just meant, you know, if you guys are gonna be there, I’d hate to bother you-“

“Wouldn’t be an issue,” Ellie interrupted. She wanted to kick herself, after, but in that moment she didn’t want anything more than to watch a movie with Abby again. “You’re still totally welcome.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. Joel will miss having someone who can actually stay up the whole night. You should come.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.”

“We can still- I’d like to think we can still consider you a friend, Abby,” Dina said slowly. “I still do, at least.”

“Yeah, no, right, but I just… I’m just trying to be considerate.”

“Be considerate by bringing some snacks tomorrow night, ok? Joel’s got the worst movie snacks.”

And sure enough, when Ellie and Dina got to Joel’s the next night, Abby was already there, holding two chocolate bars and some-

“Fruit snacks!” Dina all but tackled the taller girl. The weird little fruit gummies that they had originally planned on saving for JJ had become a favorite of Dina’s, despite Ellie’s disgust with them.

“Yeah, I thought you might appreciate them. Lev thinks they’re a monstrosity.”

“I love your kid but he’s a moron,” Dina said, mouth already full. 

“Oh trust me, I know. He only likes ‘real food’, apparently.”

“Weirdo.”

“Mhm. Ellie, you want anything?”

“Chocolate seems great. Glad you could make it.” 

And look, Ellie knew what she did sometimes. It was easy, to put on a fake smile and pretend to be laidback. And maybe, maybe she was doing it now, but nobody ever noticed. Well, except Dina. And sometimes Joel. But it should work on Abby. Abby shouldn’t be able to tell how tense she felt, how nervous. It felt like the start of her relationship with Dina all over again, when she was afraid to say anything that could be taken as pressuring. So she put on her stupid fake smile, dropped her shoulders, and laughed at the dumbest of jokes, and nobody ever called her on it.

Except Abby was narrowing her eyes as she handed over the chocolate, and Ellie felt her shoulders tense up under her scrutiny.

The moment passed when Joel called them inside, but Ellie let Dina sit between her and Abby, knowing what might happen if she didn’t.

The movie was decent. Some action movie where a dude peeled his face off. It was fun, but not complicated enough to pull Ellie’s thoughts from the way Abby had looked at her.

They were still friends, right? They could be civil. Maybe it hadn’t been fair of Ellie and Dina, to just drop their feelings on Abby, but she could have stayed. She could have talked. She didn’t owe it to them, of course, but Ellie had thought… Ellie had thought she cared enough to try, had seen them enough to know how much it would hurt. 

Ellie had really just hoped Abby had seen her, had understood her. She thought she had. 

But people fall for the grin. They never see past it.

Hell, sometimes she looks in the mirror and almost falls for it herself.

Ellie was glad that Joel seemed to pick up on her unwillingness to linger. Dina had fallen asleep (she was seeming a bit tired lately, Ellie would have to try and spend more time helping with JJ) and Ellie woke her up quietly, just enough to get her out the door. She was herding her onto the sidewalk when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Ellie, hey. Can we talk for a second?” Abby scraped the toe of her boot on the concrete. Ellie dimly recognized it as one of Abby’s nervous habits, the scuff marks on the boots testifying to it.

“Um. Ok.” Ellie turned to Dina, who just nodded and set off towards the house. God, she was so smart. Pretty, too. Ellie would tell her when she caught up. But for now, Abby was standing in front of her, looking apprehensive but also… upset?

“Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” Ellie answered automatically.

“The smile. Why are you doing the smile?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Ellie said, fully aware that she was literally doing the fucking grin as she spoke. “Is my smile horrifically ugly? Should I find a dentist?”

“Stop it. You know what I mean. You do the fake smile and make dumb jokes and expect nobody to notice that it’s fake, but I do. And you’re not pulling that shit with me, Williams.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Bullshit,” Abby declared. “I get it, ok? Everything’s all awkward and weird and it’s my fault, but don’t you dare lie to me. You didn’t before, and neither did I, and I’m not letting it start now.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ellie said frustratedly, dropping the smile. “It’s on all of us.”

Abby scoffed. “I ran.”

“Yeah, and that sucked. But, you know, it was maybe… we all could have handled it better.”

“It’s been so awkward.”

“So fucking awkward,” Ellie agreed, smiling a little more genuinely as Abby huffed out a laugh. “I was so surprised when you invited us to dinner after Lev’s thing.”

“I was too, if that makes it better. I just… you guys are the best people I’ve ever known. It would be worse if we just stopped talking.”

“Yeah, I’d rather do the awkward thing 100 times than just not see you anymore.”

“So, maybe, with the acknowledgement of the awkwardness, it can be a little less awkward? And there can be less fake smiling?”

“Yeah, sure. Less fake smiling,” Ellie answered, schooling her face into a solemn expression. “Is this better?”

“Fuck off,” Abby laughed, shoving Ellie’s shoulder. “I’ll see you around, yeah? And we’ll try to not be as awkward.”

“You didn’t need to have this talk with Dina?”

“Nah, she hasn’t been fake smiling at me. There’s a whole different talk I need to have with her.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No, I just… I just miss you guys. That’s all.”

—————————————————————————————————

Making the schedule for shifts and patrols in Jackson was meticulous. It required attention to detail, awareness of any and all upcoming events or possible complications, and a fuckton of patience.

Jesse was out of patience.

“I’m not doing it again, Dina,” He sighed as he sat heavily in his chair, barely looking at the girl standing in front of his desk. “It complicates everything and fucks up half of the patrol teams.”

“Oh, you’re doing it again. You’re doing it until I say otherwise.”

“No, I’m not! Why can’t you talk out your issues like normal people?”

“We’re working on it!” 

“Well work on it faster, because I’m not fucking up the schedule anymore to help you avoid Abby!”

“It’s not that hard,” Dina refuted, eyeing the Chart with a calculating eye. “If you’d just let me-“

“Absolutely not.” The Chart was a creation of Jesse’s own design, a magnetic whiteboard spanning half of the wall next to his desk. It always displayed the timetable for the upcoming two weeks in Jackson, including recreational events, patrols, work shifts, free days, food distribution times, and also maybe the birthdays of his favorite people (his mom’s was in about a month, he had to find her a decent gift soon). Nobody was allowed to touch the Chart but Jesse. Even Maria, who was by all rights Jesse’s boss, respected that.

Dina did not.

“If you’d just let me rearrange some things, I could make it work.”

“No, Dina. Face your problems like an adult, I know you can do it.”

Dina groaned. “I don’t wanna.”

“You sound like you’re about as old as JJ.”

“He still can’t talk.”

“Wish the same was true for you,” Jesse muttered, smiling when Dina huffed. “Look, I get it, ok? Things are weird and you don’t want to see her when you’re not totally in control of the situation. It’s understandable. But I can’t keep doing my job poorly just to help you out. Maria would fire me.”

“No she wouldn’t, no one else even knows how your system works.”

“If people realize I’m altering the schedule for you, they’ll ask me to do it for them. I don’t want Cat coming in here and demanding a free night on the same day as her girl of the week, or worse.”

“Worse?”

“Chris asking me to put him on all the same shifts as whatever girl he’s creeping on. At least with Cat, it’s always consensual.”

“You’re the one who stopped me from shooting Chris in the ass.”

“I’m not apologizing for that because you would have gotten kicked out, and you broke his foot anyway. Look, Dina, you know I love you. You’re the mother of my kid-“

“Ew-“

“And one of my very best friends,” Jesse said, smiling at the way Dina grimaced but shoved him fondly. “But I can’t keep doing this. Abby’s been weird lately anyway. She called me a different name earlier, Mason or something. I’m not pairing her up with someone she’s unfamiliar with. Especially since it just doesn’t work with the next few week’s schedules.”

“Can you at least keep it at a minimum?”

“You’ll work three shifts with her over the next few weeks. One farm duty, one watch, one inventory.”

“Watch shift? The towers are small, there’s nothing to do except talk!”  
“Uh, you could actually keep an eye out?” Jesse loved Dina, but her work ethic left something to be desired. She was incredible when something could keep her focus, but even Jesse would admit that watch got boring sometimes. And that it probably wasn’t easy to be bored out of your mind and the only person around was someone who things were complicated with.

Dina huffed. “Is there any way that you could just switch that one around?”

“Nope, sorry. Look, it won’t be so bad. Just don’t grope her or something, and you’ll be fine.”

—————

Dina was not fine, and fuck Jesse for saying she would be. This was hell. And he wouldn’t get it, because she was the coolest person ever and he was very sweet and their breakup was totally amicable. But this was not the case with Abby.

Well, ok, on the surface, it was. On the surface, Dina was very good at being not only civil, but even warm with the other girl. But on a different level, she had no idea what to fucking do.

Ellie was not the only one who masked everything with friendliness. 

And, yeah, ok, things were a bit better. Abby would come around for dinner about once every two weeks. The conversation was stilted, but it was getting easier. Ellie seemed to have adapted quickly after whatever she and Abby talked about on the way home from movie night. It was getting more genuine, slowly but surely returning to how things were in the beginning. All they needed was a bit of time, Jesse kept telling her. Just be a little patient.

Dina was not a patient person.

“So, how’s Lev?” Dina asked, breaking the thick silence that had settled over she and Abby about half an hour into their shift. They were each sitting down, leaning against the rails, using the gaps to look out at the empty valley beneath them.

“He’s ok. Doing really good, actually. He’s not doing the best with hand-to-hand combat lessons, but he’s the best in his age group at archery, and he’s getting pretty good with a gun. He and Kay are doing well, and I was thinking… I don’t know, I was thinking about maybe sending him to the school every once in awhile, get him caught up on some basics.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“You think? I don’t want him to think that I think he’s stupid or anything, and I don’t want him to stress himself out about it, but he always seems kinda embarrassed when someone has to explain something to him that he thinks everyone else knows. I mean, the way he grew up, it’s so alienating for him right now. Nobody understands what he did, and he doesn’t really understand what kids around here think is fundamental. And Kay is really sweet about it, half of the reason I approve of them, but I just think maybe Lev would like a chance to figure it all out himself, you know? But maybe it would be too much for him-“

“Abby,” Dina smiled, stretching her leg out and gently knocking Abby’s foot with her own. “I’m sure he’d be ok with it. He’s a smart kid, I think he’ll catch up just fine. And with the worship center up and running, he might like having something to do in his spare time.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“You’re good with him, Abby. I think you can stop worrying so much.”

“You ever gonna stop worrying about JJ?” Abby grinned.

“Point taken.”

Silence fell again, but it was much more comfortable now. Dina didn’t feel like she was going to jump out of her skin, and Abby seemed to relax as well. Well, mostly. Dina could see her shoulders remain tense, and the instinct to reach out was almost too difficult to ignore. 

Almost.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Abby said quietly. Dina noted dryly the controlled tone of her voice. “For awhile now.”

“You were too.”

“Not anymore.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not operating according to your timetable,” Dina scoffed dismissively.

“Don’t act like that, like I’m trying to start an argument. I’m not, I just want to know why.”

“Take your pick of reasons, I’m sure it’s at least partially right.”

“Well that’s super specific and helpful,” Abby shot back.

“Have you considered that I might just be busy?” Dina said venomously, voice rising. “That I don’t actually give a shit about your presence one way or another, and that I’m just fucking tired all the time because I used to have two people helping me and now I have one? Have you thought that maybe I’m up all night because JJ won’t stop crying and Ellie and I can only trade off so much? Did it ever even fucking occur to you that leaving was gonna affect anyone other than yourself?”

Abby blanched, clearly taken aback. As Dina caught her breath, she realized she was pretty surprised with herself too. It had been awhile, since she’d yelled like that. Good to know she still had it in her.

“I’m sorry,” Abby said finally, carefully. “I hadn’t thought- I didn’t know.”

“You’re talking to Ellie now, she hasn’t mentioned it?”

“Not really. Not like that.” Not like she blamed me, Dina heard, even though Abby didn’t say it.

“Well. Probably shouldn’t have dumped it on you all at once.”

“No, I- it’s better that way. I know what you’re really thinking now. I can do better that way.”

“Abby.” Dina didn’t finish. She didn’t really know how she could. Maybe that Abby couldn’t fix it? (But she could, and Dina desperately wanted her to.)

“I can do better. You’ve been exhausted, right? We have two more missions- chores, this week. Let me handle them.”

“Why’d you call them missions?”

Abby shifted uncomfortably. “Dunno. But the point is, I’ll cover them.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m serious, I’ll handle it, it’s only inventory and farming-“

“Why’d you call them missions?”

Abby slumped, accepting that she couldn’t escape the line of questioning. “That’s what we did at the WLF. I’ve been… slipping, lately.”

“You called Jesse a different name,” Dina recalled quietly.

“Manny, my old roommate.” Abby gave a sad smile. “He was sorta like Jesse. Loyal, you know? Sweet, when he wanted to be. He had a bit of a mean streak, though. I guess we all did.”

“You’re not still there.”

“Feels like it, half the time. Feels the way it did towards the end. I was fucking things up then too.”

“I don’t think-“

“I hurt the two people I cared about most. I lost Owen, and Lev lost his sister. I lost- I lost everyone. I couldn’t make them stop. I told them not to, but they just had to fucking fight, had to die for some stupid fuckin fight that I don’t even remember the reason for. And I lost them, and even though I had Lev, I was so alone. And I couldn’t put that on him, he had just lost his sister. So I just kept trying to figure out how to keep myself from screaming in my sleep. And now, I- I keep waking up biting in my pillow. It’s an instinct now, I guess.”

“Jesus, Abby.”

“Everyone I care about except Lev dies. And sometimes I still- I sneak into his room to check that he’s still breathing. Sometimes I swear he isn’t. I can’t keep losing people, Dina. So, I’m sorry that I left first. I’m sorry that I left you without more backup. But I’m just- I’m so tired, and I’d rather be alone because I decided to be.”

“Well, guess what, dipshit? You’re still not. You think Ellie and I stopped caring about you when you walked out?”

“I hoped you would,” Abby muttered. “I thought you might.”

“We couldn’t. We could never. Look, I- I don’t want to be avoiding you anymore. And I think JJ is crying so much because he misses you. So could we please, please just start to move on from this? I know you’re scared, but we need you, Abby. We always have.”

It felt a bit like coaxing a wild cat with a handful of food. Abby was hesitant, but Dina maintained her steady gaze. 

“I… I could come around more. Help with JJ.”

“I think he’d really like that.”

—————————————————————————————————

A month passed. And then another. They were solidly into summer now, and in the warm haze, the rebuilding began. 

It was difficult. Boundaries had been carefully constructed, and they were harder to bring down than they were to build up. But day by day, the girls became closer. On the good days, it felt like Valentines had never even happened. On the bad days, it felt like the only thing that was real. On the bad days, Abby woke up in the middle of the night with a hand on her chest and a scream building in her throat, face already turned into her pillow.

Lev was tired of bad days.

“Kay,” he said suddenly, sitting up in bed. “Shenanigans.”

“Hijinks,” Kay answered sleepily from where they had been dozing off against him. Afternoon nap dates had become common practice. Summer was meant for lazy days.

But not anymore. “Mischief,” Lev declared. “For a purpose.”

Kay opened their eyes grumpily, glaring up at Lev. “What mischief and what purpose?”

“We have to help Abby.”

“I thought we were being all zen about it and like, not interfering.”

“That’s not what zen means. And yeah, we were, but they’re barely making progress!”

“I mean, they’re hanging out more now. That’s progress.”

“You didn’t know them at their best,” Lev huffed. “This is the worst.”

“They’re friends again though.”

“Which is great, but also stupid because they’re all in love with each other and this isn’t what any of them want.”

“And we’re gonna fix that how, Lev?” Kay finally sat up, tilting their head to the side to rub at the crick in their neck. Lev distractedly watched the motion before answering.

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure it out, I always do.”

“That’s not ominous at all.”

“Kay.”

“Lev.”

“Trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Then we’ll- oh my god I know what we’ll do.”

“Oh, that’s worrying.”

—————

Joel and Jesse looked back at Lev with twin expressions of confusion. “Say that again but slower.” Joel leaned back into the couch cushions. “You brought us here on our one day off for what?”

Jesse raised his hand. “Yeah, I think I got maybe 40 percent of that. At most.”

Lev sighed. He paced around the living room once more. “I brought you here today because it’s Abby’s long watch shift and she obviously couldn’t be here when I brought this up.”

“Because you want to interfere in her love life?”

“Interfere is kind of an ugly word,” Kay interjected from their spot nestled into the armchair. “We’re helping, really.”

“Look, they’re all clearly in love with each other, right? Abby, Ellie, and Dina,” Lev said. “Like, it’s really obvious, right?”

Jesse looked surprised. “I wasn’t sure if anyone else knew.”

“I’m amazed the whole damn town doesn’t know,” Joel groused. “They ain’t subtle.”

“Right? I mean, god, it’s so stupid, the only people who can’t tell what’s going on is-“

“Themselves!” Jesse finished triumphantly. “They’re being such morons about it, right? They won’t even-“

“Talk about it with each other!” Lev jumped in, beaming. “Yes! It’s driving me insane!”

“This shouting’s gonna drive me insane,” Joel interrupted. “Look, I get that it’s stupid, but what can we do about it?”

“We’re each close with one of them, right? Joel, you’re Ellie’s dad, Jesse is Dina’s best friend, and Abby’s my… well, sister, I guess? Oh god that’s-“

Kay grabbed Lev’s hand gently. “Something to think about later,” they said.

Lev nodded jerkily. “Right, yeah. Anyway, point is, we’re the only people in any position to get them to do something about this. It’s miserable, right? Not just for us. I know how sad Abby’s been, haven’t Dina and Ellie been the same?”

Jesse shifted uncomfortably. “Dina’s been tired a lot lately. She kept getting me to change the schedule, a month or two back. It’s getting better, but… it’s rough on her.”

“Ellie’s been crushed,” Joel said quietly. “Used to be like a damn puppy, how excited she’d be to see Abby and Dina, but now she’s just… like she’s been cut in two.”

“Abby was drinking a while back,” Lev shared. “Not bad, but she hadn’t before. And it’s getting better, but she’s still so sad, all the time. I want to fix it, but I need help.”

Silence fell for a few moments as they thought. “So what do we do?” Jesse asked. “I want to help, but I don’t want to make things worse.”

“Yeah, how do we make sure it’ll actually help?” Joel asked. “I’m on board, but we can’t screw it up for them.”

“They just need to be spending more time together,” Lev said. “They need time, to talk things out, to work with each other. They’ll figure it to on their own if we can just give them the time to.”

“You really think so?”

“Damn sure of it,” Kay spoke up. “They’re smart people, and they love each other. They’ll get there if we make sure the path is clear.”

Jesse groaned. “I know what to do. But if Maria fires me, you’re all gonna deal with the consequences.”

—————————————————————————————————

“Jesse!” Dina shouted as she kicked the door to his office open. “What the fuck is this?”

“Your schedule for the next week,” Jesse said without even looking away from the Chart. “Can you hand me that red marker, on your right?”

Dina slapped the marker into his hand. “Why are Ellie and I patrolling with Abby for four days straight?”

“Because it’s what the schedule called for,” Jesse once again didn’t make eye contact. Dina felt something like rage filling her bones.

“What are you playing at? What are you fucking doing, Jesse?”

“I’m scheduling. Blue marker please.”

Dina seethed but handed him the marker, watching as he carefully wrote out the schedule for inventory shifts. “We haven’t patrolled together since January.”

“I’m aware of that.”

“Oddly enough, and I’m sure you must not be aware of this since you scheduled us together, but there was an event not long after that sort of damaged our ability to work well together.”

“You’re right, I totally hadn’t heard.”

“Jesse.”

“Dina.” Jesse finally looked at her and Dina felt her shoulders drop. He was doing his stupid Jesse look that was all warm and compassionate and understanding. Fuck him and his stupid look. How dare he make her feel better.

“Stop that,” Dina said weakly, cursing her heart for being soft for idiots. “That face violates the Geneva conventions. I read them just to make sure.”

“Holy shit, when did you learn to read?”

“You bitch.”

“C’mere.” Jesse held his arms out, pulling Dina in. She huffed, pretending to resist, but sank into him anyway.

Jesse was the best at hugs. Well, Ellie was better, but Jesse came close. It was very enveloping, very warm. Solid but gentle. Dina thought that Jesse’s hugs told you pretty much all you needed to know about him.

“You wanna talk about it?” Jesse murmured into her hair as she let her forehead fall against his chest. “Or you just want quiet for a bit?”

“Give me a minute, then I’ll talk.”

“Deal.” The two stood in silence for a few moments before Jesse pressed a small kiss to the top of Dina’s head and disentangled himself. Dina stepped back slightly.

“That… was nicer than I thought. Thanks.”

“Anytime, you know I’m a hugger,” Jesse answered, leaning against his desk. “So, you wanna scream or talk like normal people?”

“Gonna do both.”

“It’ll take some real effort but I’m excited to see it, go ahead.”

“I can’t look at Abby without wanting. Like, just wanting. I want to touch her, all the time.”

“Ok so I actually don’t want to hear-“

“Not that like, moron. Like… I just want to feel her under my hand, you know? It’s been so long since I hugged her. I miss the feel of it. And I’m pissed at her for running away, and I’m pissed at myself for telling her how I- how Ellie and I both feel before she was ready to hear it, and I just miss her and the way things were. Building it back is just taking so long, you know? I miss her even though she’s right next to me.”

Jesse listened quietly, tilting his head when Dina finished. “Do you think she misses it too?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes.”

“I think she does.”

“Yeah?”

“No shit. She’s in love with you, with both of you. Of course she does.”

“She’s not in love with either of us,” Dina said, feeling a sad smile tugging at her lips without her permission. “I know how it feels when someone loves me. This doesn’t feel like that.”

“Maybe she’s just scared to.”

“Everyone’s scared, of everything, all the time. This is the one thing that’s really worth it, and apparently it’s the one thing she won’t face? No. It’s a lot simpler than that. She just doesn’t feel it.”

“You should talk to her.”

“Oh yeah, that won’t be painful.”

“Haven’t you been back to hanging out for months now? You’ve been talking,” Jesse said incredulously. 

“Not about this. Never about this.”

“You should.”

“We won’t,” Dina shrugged, feeling something tugging in her chest. “We just won’t. It’ll be quiet for awhile, and then Ellie will make a dumb joke and I’ll make fun of her, and Abby will wait a few minutes like she isn’t sure she’s allowed to talk.”

“She’s careful like that.”

“I know. And when she finally does talk, it all feels like it used to, but… she hesitates, you know?”

“You’ll be ok. The patrol is only four days.”

“I know.”

“I swear I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

“Oh, that was never in question. I know you, Jesse, I know you’d never.”

Jesse sighed in relief. “Good, I was worried Ellie would beat me up.”

“She’s happy about it, actually. Likes that we’re both with her, so she can protect us.”

“You never liked it when I protected you,” Jesse accused playfully.

“She looks hotter doing it, sorry about it.”

“Pretty people privilege.”

“Yes, you’re wildly oppressed by all the attractive people.” Dina rolled her eyes. “As if you don’t have girls wanting your ‘protection’.”

“They all just want access to The Chart.”

“Very cruel, to use you like that.”

“Eh, better than this one ex I have. She bribed me into changing the schedule to help her avoid this girl she’s in love with. Oh, and she shacked up with my best friend.”

“Sounds like a bitch.”

“She’s ok mostly. Although, she could stand to give me more time with my son.”

Dina laughed. “You’re about to get him for four days, you’ll have plenty of time. And your parents are over to see him so often I might have to give them a room.”

“Don’t, they’ll never move out and I’ll have to hear about how you’ve surpassed me as their favorite child.”

“Can’t help being better.”

“Better at pissing me off, maybe.” Jesse poked Dina with the marker in his hand. “Now get out before I schedule you for a month of farm duty.”

“Ooh, so scary, so threatening. You gonna throw office supplies at me?”

“I’d never waste good supplies on a ruffian like you,” Jesse said. “Be up early to start patrol tomorrow.”

“But mom, I don’t want to go,” Dina whined, grinning as she walked towards the door.

“Dina?” Jesse called, waiting for her to pause. “It’ll be ok. I swear.”

Dina just smiled ruefully. “I’m sure you’re right.”

—————

Dina was going to break The Chart over Jesse’s head.

“I mean, they can’t stay out there forever, right?” Ellie asked, looking out the window at the shambling infected blocking their exit from an old farmhouse. “There’s too many to just run through, and I’m fucking tired. They’ll leave soon enough, right?”

“They’re already dead, it’s not like they don’t have plenty of time on their hands,” Abby responded from the kitchen towards the back of the house. “I found some food, though. We could make a fire, camp out here until we’re recharged.”

“And burn the whole place down?”

“No, there’s a fireplace back here too.”

“Weird interior design,” Dina muttered.

Ellie snorted. “That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”

“Who puts a fireplace in a kitchen? There’s an oven, it’s already going to be warm.”

Ellie chuckled and tossed her arm over Dina’s shoulders. Dina smiled as she snuggled in, letting Ellie’s warmth envelop her.

“Heat-snatcher,” Ellie whined with no real complaint in her tone. “You’re like a giant ice cube and all you do is steal my body heat.”

“I can think of a couple other things to do with your body.”

“Oh yeah? Wanna share?”

“Hmm, I think I might just surprise you-“

“Still here and would like to not be hearing this!” Abby appeared in the doorway. “Please do your weird foreplay elsewhere.”

“You wish it was you, huh?” Dina said unthinkingly. The silence that ensued was more than a little awkward as the grunts of the infected outside became the only sound to be heard. 

“You said you found food?” Ellie said eventually, disentangling herself from Dina.

Dina watched as Abby’s eyes tracked the movement of Ellie’s arm. She could have sworn she saw a slight blush on the other girl’s face, but that couldn’t be right. Must be imagining things.

“Yeah, there’s some soup; it looks like someone left it behind. If I can get the stove started, then we’ll have a decent dinner.”

“Doesn’t that sound kinda suspicious?” Dina asked as they followed Abby back into the kitchen. “That someone just left a viable source of food behind?”

“What do you think they did to it?” Ellie asked. “Poison or something?”

“Maybe.”

“There are more efficient ways to kill a person,” Abby said breezily, waving off the other girls’ concern. “Poisoning food is wasteful. You want to kill someone subtly, go for their water supply. Food is hard to find, but you can get more water anywhere. Poison their water, take their food, and then find a clean stream to get your own water from.”

“Have you done this before?” Ellie wondered, clearly startled from the explanation. Dina was too, admittedly, but still disagreed on the method. If you want to kill someone subtly, you should lock them in a house with their girlfriend and the other girl they’re in love with who doesn’t love them back. 

“No, of course not. If I want to kill someone, subtlety isn’t really an issue.” Abby set about making sure the stove was in working order, then turned back to them with a grin. “Ellie, on the other hand, should always consider a subtle path, because those little twig arms aren’t gonna be much help.”

“You bastard, my arms are fucking fine,” Ellie refuted with a smile. “Arm wrestle, right now.”

God damn her girlfriend’s frat bro instincts. “No, absolutely not,” Dina denied firmly. “If one of you sprains a wrist I won’t be able to do anything about it until we get back to Jackson. No arm wrestling.”

“What kind of damage do you think we could possibly do?”

“Speak for yourself, I could rip your arm out.” Abby grinned, flexing momentarily. Dina felt her mouth go dry at the sight, and she heard the slight hitch in Ellie’s breath beside her.

“Prove it, tough guy,” Ellie said anyway. Dina got the distinct feeling, looking between the two, that this had spiraled out of her control.

“You break it, you buy it,” she said finally. “That goes for both of you.”

“I’ll be gentle,” Abby teased.

“I’ll fucking gut you,” Ellie threatened, eyes bright as she propped her arm up on the table. “Like the bitchass trout you are.”

“I hate it here,” Dina groaned. 

“Count us down.”

“3, 2, 1.”

Oh.

Dina was really gay.

Ellie and Abby’s arms both tightened as each tried to force the other into submission. Dina found her eyes drifting from Ellie’s toned musculature to Abby’s shoulders and back again. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“You’re stronger than I thought,” Abby said. “Figured I’d have you by now.”

“I hold my own,” Ellie grunted. “You’re not bad either, I guess.”

“I could throw you like a football.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Ellie challenged.

“No, nope, absolutely not. Finish trying to break each other’s arms and then we are going to sit and have food and hope we have a way out after. There will be no throwing of anything.”

“Boo.”

“Yeah, yeah- hey, who was gonna tell me there was blood on my shirt?”

“You’re bleeding?” Abby’s arm fell to the table as she focused all of her attention on Dina. “Where? When did you get hurt?”

“It’s just a small cut,” Dina waved her off. “And you just lost to Ellie’s twig arms.”

“She was going to anyway. Why didn’t you tell us?” Ellie asked as she came to Dina’s side, noticing the small spot of blood near her hip, immediately lifting the shirt away to look at the wound.

“It’s fine, I cleaned it up a bit earlier. Shouldn’t get infected or anything.”

“You should have mentioned it. I’ll look for a first aid kit.”

“It’s fine, babe. I promise,” Dina stood up on her toes to kiss Ellie’s cheek. “I’m doing great.”

She chanced a glance over at Abby and regretted it immediately. The taller girl was rooted to her spot, watching Ellie fuss over Dina, her expression soft in all the painful ways Dina couldn’t stand. 

God, she wanted to kiss her. She wanted to kiss Abby until neither of them could breathe, until Ellie got impatient and interrupted, until Abby finally explained how she could wear that expression and claim she didn’t feel-

Not the point. Not going there.

Ellie pulled away after a moment. “I’m still gonna go look for a first aid kit, ok? It’ll be good to have. You gonna bleed out if I leave for a minute?”

“I’m sure I’ll survive, arm wrestling champ.”

“She won once!” Abby crossed her arms in protest. “I got distracted!”

“Excuses, excuses,” Ellie replied, grinning. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll reclaim the title soon. Be right back.”

She headed up the stairs to look in the rest of the house for a kit, and for the first time since their watch shift that seemed both long ago and like it was yesterday, Dina was alone with Abby. She moved towards the stove, deciding to check on the soup, but was stopped when a gentle hand wrapped around her wrist.

Abby didn’t turn Dina around to face her, but didn’t drop her hand either. “Are you really ok?”

“I-“ Dina stammered, not expecting the soft tone. “Yeah, I’m fine. Really, I’m ok.”

“Ok.” The hand dropped, and Dina found herself missing its warmth. “You’d tell us? If you weren’t?”

“Worried about me?” Dina teased, hoping Abby couldn’t hear the undercurrent in her tone, couldn’t hear the desperation just below the surface of the joke.

“When am I not?”

It was too honest of a response for someone who was afraid to look her in the face, Dina thought dryly. But maybe that was Abby. Maybe she couldn’t look someone she loved right in the eyes. Talking to someone’s back, unable to say it to their face. Love is a blindingly overwhelming thing. One that Abby wasn’t ready to deal with, Dina reminded herself.

“Well, you don’t need to worry about me while I’m stirring the soup,” she said lightly, resuming her path to the stove without turning around once. 

Even as silence stretched over them, as Dina heard Abby drop into a chair and Ellie rooting around upstairs looking for more supplies, she could feel eyes on her. She ignored it as she dealt with the food, but when she had to turn around to find bowls, she made eye contact with Abby.

Neither of them looked away.

Dina felt the world turn under her feet and did her absolute best to pretend she didn’t.

—————————————————————————————————

“Cat. Cat, I’m losing my mind. She held my hand.”

“To arm-wrestle you like two weeks ago. This is why I don’t smoke with you anymore.”

“Meanie,” Ellie snorted as she pushed herself off of where she had been leaning into Cat’s side. The two were lounging in Cat’s basement, where she kept her good weed. The day after Ellie had returned from patrol, Cat had left, and the two hadn’t had a chance to hang out since she returned until now. Cat had taken one look at Ellie standing at her front door and immediately announced they were smoking.

And Ellie swore the bitch had done it for a reason.

“You got me high to convince me to talk about this, and now you don’t even want to talk about it? What kind of wingman are you?”

“The disappointed kind,” Cat laughed. “I thought you’d all be together weeks ago, playing domestic lesbian throuple moms or whatever. I didn’t expect sad, mopey Ellie whining to me about holding her crush’s hand to arm-wrestle!”

“I got to hold her hand though.”

“Yeah, yeah, the rituals are intricate.”

“What?”

“I’m calling you gay.”

“You always call me gay.”

“And I’m always right.”

“You’re always a bitch,” Ellie grumped, smirking when Cat laughed. 

“Ellie, babe, do you want my serious advice?”

“On how to avoid an std? I don’t think you’d have anything effective to say.”

“Slut-shame me all you want, Williams, at least I’m getting some.”

“I’m getting plenty!” Ellie defended.

“Yeah, from your lovingly domestic future wife who very predictably is gonna live the rest of her life with you. Boring.”

“Fuck you.”

“Look, let me make an allusion here.”

“No.”

“There was this porno I watched-“

Ellie cackled. “I hate you.”

“Let me finish,” Cat grinned wildly. “It was these married lesbians, right. Both hot. Both milfs. Something you and Dina can relate to.”

“If you call my wife a milf again, I’ll knock you on your ass.”

“You are welcome to knock me on my ass at any time, babe,” Cat winked. “But let me finish. So these hot lesbians, right, they’re rich and they have a pool they don’t know how to deal with. So they hire this hot pool girl to come take care of the pool every once in a while. And, you know, it’s a porno, so they end up sleeping with her and they have a hot threesome and I can’t disclose anything after that because I was watching this with another girl at the time and my attention sorta… drifted.”

Ellie giggled. “You’re fucking gross.”

“Damn right. Anyway, the point is, you gotta get your hot pool girl.”

“Who?”

“Abby! Keep up, dumbass. You and Dina are the married milfs-“

“I’m gonna shoot you-“

“And Abby’s the hot pool girl! You gotta seduce her!” Cat finished triumphantly.

“Cat, the problem is not the seducing.”

“Then what is it?”

“We’re in love with her.”

“No, I know that. And she’s in love with you. It’s just that none of you are acting on it. So act on it. Seduce.”

“She’s not in love with us.”

“Dude.”

“Bro.”

“She’s like, in super gay love with you two.” Cat leaned into Ellie so much that she fell into her lap. Ellie snorted as she began to mess with Cat’s hair, running her fingers through it. 

“Well, thank god it’s not super straight love.”

“I know, right? Look, my point is, you have to like, make an effort.”

“We did, she rejected us.”

“It’s a joint effort. She’s gotta do it too. Mostly you all gotta talk to each other about it. You don’t get to the porn if you’re always stuck on the foreplay.”

“I don’t want your weird sex metaphors. I gotta go, I told Joel I’d have dinner with him.”

“Aren’t you high?”

“Eh, he won’t notice.”

“Wow, your observational skills run in the family.”

“Fuck you, I’m very perceptive.”

“You think Abby isn’t in love with you, I don’t want to hear shit about you being perceptive,” Cat deadpanned. Ellie laughed and shoved her out of her lap.

“Whatever, bitch. See you later, love ya.”

“Love you too, dumbass. Remember the parable of the pool girl.”

“Remember this,” Ellie replied, flipping up her middle finger as she left, smiling as Cat laughed just out of sight.

Her smile dropped as she walked towards Joel’s house. Cat was surprisingly good with romantic stuff. She never really did relationships, not in a long time, but she was still one of the best at figuring them out. If Cat thought Abby had feelings for Ellie and Dina, could she be right?

Ellie shook her head slightly as she walked. It didn’t matter if Cat was right. Abby had run away, had wanted space. She didn’t want Ellie and Dina to be in love with her. So they’d just have to push it back, to keep it down. They did well enough on that 4 day patrol, minus the first night. They’d given Abby her space, and all of that. It couldn’t be that hard to just keep it all pushed back, she thought as she arrived at Joel’s door.

Joel answered when she knocked and immediately grimaced in concern. “You ok?”

“I’m very bad at keeping things pushed back,” Ellie exhaled in a rush. “Like, really really bad.”

“That… sounds like a you and Dina problem.”

“Kinda.”

“Come on in.”

Ellie collapsed into a kitchen chair, all thoughts of pushing it back abandoned. “Joel. Cancel my shifts, I’m in agony.”

“I can’t cancel your shifts but your agony is noted.”

“I’m in love.”

“I know, babygirl.” The affectionate teasing dropped from Joel’s tone as he shifted into sympathetic dad mode. Ellie begrudgingly acknowledged that she seemed to need that from him more and more these days. “I know.”

“It sucks.”

“It sucks a lot,” Joel confirmed. “But it’s also good.”

Ellie thought of Dina’s voice and Abby’s laugh, of two smiles greeting her when she walked home. “Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Ugh.” She let her head drop to the table. “No yes?”

“No yes?”

“No yes,” Ellie answered decisively, letting Joel lift her head gently to slip a placemat on the table before letting her forehead fall back onto the surface with a thud.

“No more brain damage right now,” Joel said. “Dina’ll be upset over it, and I don’t want to be the one she holds responsible.”

“Dina thinks you’re great, she’ll blame me.”

“As she well should.”

“Everyone is being mean to me today,” Ellie whined.

“Who’s everyone?”

“Was talkin’ to Cat earlier.”

“Is that why you smell like weed?”

“I didn’t even smoke that much,” Ellie answered. “Was too busy being fucking interrogated.”

“Bout what?”

“Eh, the usual. Anything she can get out of me.”

“She’s a wild one,” Joel seemed to agree. Ellie finally lifted her head to see him leaning against the cabinets, looking hesitant. “Maybe it’s good to have someone to talk to, though. Outside of it all.”

“Of what all?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Ellie,” Joel said gently. “I know you do, and you know that I know.”

“Yeah,” Ellie said miserably. “I figured.”

“I just meant, you know, Cat’s not quite so tangled up in it. She might have some good advice.”

“She said we need to talk it out.”

“That’s good advice.”

“We can’t.”

“I know you’re an idiot but I’m very sure you know how to talk.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yeah, well, it’s stupid.” Joel put a plate of meatloaf down in front of Ellie as he sat across from her. “You should be talkin’ to them both about it.”

“I’m talking to Dina!”

“About this?”

Ellie deflated, picking at the food in front of her without eating. “Not really.”

“Maybe that’s where you start.”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“She’s tired of it, of just talking around it. We both are.” Something had to break. Something had to give. Tension can’t build forever, and Ellie could feel her spine starting to bend with the pressure of it.

“So bring Abby in. Talk about it with her.”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“She doesn’t- she doesn’t want us, Joel!” Ellie slammed her hand on the table, nearly shouting, nearly crying, nearly boiling over. “She made it very fucking clear that she doesn’t want us to love her like that, and we’re trying to be fucking good about it. Staying just friends gets a little bit harder when you bring the person who rejected you by to talk about why they don’t love you the way you love them.”

“She does love you two the way you love her,” Joel refuted stubbornly, unfazed by Ellie’s outburst.

“She told us she didn’t.”

“People lie.”

“Not about this.”

“Oh, babygirl, this is the thing people lie the most about,” Joel chuckled, though not mockingly. “They just do.”

“Why would she reject us if she’s loved us all along?”

“Maybe she’s not ready for it. You and Dina, you’ve been here in Jackson for years. She’s been here, what, a year and a half? And just before she got here, she saw everyone she loved, romantically and otherwise, massacred in some stupid fight. Only person she’s had is Lev, and god knows she loves him but he’s also a responsibility. Something to protect. When you’ve got that, things get scarier. Something to protect is something to lose. She’s not used to the idea that maybe she doesn’t have to lose anything, that maybe things can work out.”

“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

Joel huffed. “Seems familiar, s’all.”

Ellie grinned. “No offense, but you and Abby could not be more different.”

“We fully agree on that, kiddo. But I’ve been in that same spot, where the only thing you’ve got in the world is someone that can die on you. It leaves something. Fear lingers.”

“So what, you think showing her that we’re not gonna die on her will make her realize she’s allowed to love us?”

“Well, don’t get yourself into trouble to prove a point. She knows you’re capable. I don’t really know what to do, Ellie. Maybe you’re right to step back and give her space. Maybe that’s the opposite of what she needs. That’s something only she can decide.”

\----------

It was a good day, Ellie thought. A sunny day. They were well into August, now, but it was still pleasantly warm out. JJ had woken up happy, it seemed, and his mood was infectious. Ellie and Dina both had the day off, and they were more than happy to spend it lazily playing with JJ in the living room. They each dozed off in turns, and the haze of summer felt like a blanket settling on them. Ellie strummed gently on her guitar as Dina and JJ napped, letting her mind wander.

Ellie’s dinner with Joel had been a week ago, but she hadn’t given much consideration to their conversation since.

Well. Maybe a little.

Maybe a lot.

Ok, so it was all she had thought about since. So what? She was allowed. It brought up a lot of important topics. 

Like what the hell Abby wanted from them.

No, that was harsh. But she was confused, and Ellie hated being confused. She winced as she hit a rough note on the guitar, opting to set it down beside her while she worked through her thoughts.

Scratch that, Ellie thought after exactly a minute of silence. Bad plan, being alone with thoughts is always a bad plan. One minute she’d be thinking about Abby, all the strange signals she was putting off, and then it would be Abby’s eyes, her smile, her lips. Then it became her lips on Ellie’s, her lips trailing down her neck, leaving marks as Dina watched-

No. No no no. Ellie shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts. Abby didn’t even like them romantically, there was no way-

Well. Wasn’t there, a little bit? She saw the way Abby blushed when she moved, sometimes. Saw the way Abby’s eyes drifted down Dina’s body, in a way Ellie knew she herself had never been able to resist doing. Romantic signals were complicated, but somewhere deep in her gut, Ellie knew at least one thing to be true.

She and Dina were fucking hot, and Abby couldn’t deny that.

Speaking of Dina, the girl asleep on the couch shifted and stretched, slowly waking up, turning to smile at Ellie. “You stopped playing,” she said sleepily. “I liked the music.”

“Sorry, I got distracted. Started thinking.”

“Uh oh.” Dina pulled on Ellie’s arm, tugging her closer. “That never goes well.”

“Fuck you too, I guess.” Ellie dropped her weight on top of Dina, laughing as the other girl wheezed exaggeratedly. 

Dina wriggled underneath her, shifting until Ellie had settled comfortably atop her, face buried in her neck. “Heavy.”

“It’s all muscle, babe.”

“Oh, trust me, I know.” Dina’s eyes darkened and she ran her hands along Ellie’s arms. Ellie flexed just slightly, moving to hold herself just above Dina’s body.

“I could just stay above you like this, my arms wouldn’t even be sore.”

“Oh yeah?” Dina’s eyes flashed with mirth and something a little deeper; Ellie knew she liked to make fun of her more jock-like habits but god knows she liked the benefits of them even more.

“Mhm.”

“Care to prove it?” Dina brought her hand between them, toying with the hem of Ellie’s shirt.

“Do I get a reward if I’m right?”

“Oh, babe, you get a reward even if you’re wrong.” With that, Dina leaned up and crashed her lips against Ellie’s, using her free hand to pull the other girl closer. Ellie’s mind went blank as she deepened the kiss, and her arms almost gave out before she realized what was happening.

Dina broke the kiss with a gasp. “JJ- he’s asleep?”

“Upstairs, all tuckered out.”

“Good. Get off me.”

“Thought you wanted me on top?” Ellie stood, offering a hand to Dina to get up herself. Dina took it, clambering off the couch and pulling Ellie close to her, toying with the hairs at the back of her neck.

“Another time,” she said as Ellie leaned into her touch. “Right now-” she pushed hard on Ellie’s shoulders, practically shoving her back to sit on the couch as Ellie felt a spike of arousal, sharp and potent in her gut- “right now, I want you like this.” Dina straddled her lap, taking her face in her hands and kissing her deeply.

Ellie let her hands fall to Dina’s waist, pulling her even closer. Dina sighed into the kiss and began to roll her hips against Ellie’s, moaning lightly at the friction. Ellie tightened her grip at the sound, undoubtedly leaving finger-shaped bruises on Dina’s waist.

“Ellie.” Dina broke away, moaning as Ellie took the opportunity to press burning kisses to the column of her throat. “Shirt. Off.”

“Mine or yours?”

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I want your mouth-“ Dina’s breath hitched as she ground down on Ellie’s thighs; Ellie bit back a growl and began to tug on Dina’s shirt, only pausing to remove her own too before diving right back in when it was tossed to the side as Dina fumbled with the button of her jeans.

If she had been a bit less preoccupied, she may have heard the door swing open.

“Hey, Lev said he- oh, fuck.”

Ellie froze, all but shoving Dina off her lap in an attempt to pretend that what was happening .02 seconds ago had in fact never happened at all. Dina grabbed at her shoulders to avoid falling to the floor, and Abby gaped at them both from the hallway.

Ellie dimly thought that this felt like the right time to note that Dina had foregone a bra for the day.

“Um.” Abby was as still as a statue, stricken face unmoving. “You’re… busy.”

“A little,” Dine replied, grabbing a pillow from the couch and holding it to her chest casually. As if anything about the situation was casual, Ellie thought, nearly hysterically. “What are you doing?”

“I. Uh. What?”

“Why are you here? No offense, but we weren’t expecting-“

“Oh! Lev left his comic book here last week and. Uh. Yes.” Abby’s ears had gone pink, her blush spreading as far as the eye could see. And in her v-neck shirt, that was a little more than Ellie thought was healthy to dwell on, given the circumstance.

The circumstance of her crush walking in on her and her girlfriend as they- Ellie quickly dismissed that thought, feeling her own blush rise to her cheeks as she tried to maintain an air of unaffectedness. “Lev’s comics are probably up in my studio room.”

“Right, yeah. Uh huh.” Abby still stood rooted to the spot, hands flexing uselessly at her side. 

But. Wait a minute. Ellie recognized that. She took a moment to truly look at her, having chosen to avoid staring directly at her since she walked in. 

And, oh, wow, did she recognize what she saw. Abby’s eyes had gone dark, hands twitching, and she listed slightly to the side as if she couldn’t focus on standing. She valiantly tried to look anywhere but the two of them, but Ellie saw her eyes trace the curve of Dina’s waist, saw them land on the popped button of her own jeans.

Then Abby met her eyes, and Ellie made a choice.

Ellie took a step forward. “Abby,” she said lowly. “You alright?”

“I.” Abby made a strangled noise in the back of her throat. “Yeah.”

“Your hands are shaking.” God, this would be embarrassing if she was wrong, but she knew she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. She reached out for Abby’s hands, letting her fingers brush the back of one. “You sure you’re ok?”

Abby inhaled sharply, her eyes fluttering involuntarily. “Yes.” Her voice was firm, and when she met Ellie’s eyes again, they were clear.

“What do you want?”

Abby pulled her close, and Ellie went all too willingly.

—————————————————————————————————

“I’m so mad at you.”

“I know, Lev.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“I know, Lev.”

“You’re gonna hurt them again.”

Abby huffed. “Better hurt than dead.”

“You think avoiding them is gonna, what, stop a bullet in its path? That’s dumb and you know it.”

“Lev, can we not do this right now?”

“And why not?”

Abby gestured broadly at the forest around them, sunlight filtering in through the boughs of the trees to land on the path ahead of them. “We’re meant be hunting?”

“And you’re meant to be smarter than this.” Lev kicked at a pebble at his feet. “Seriously.”

“Lev, I’m not talking about this.”

“Well then I’ll just monologue.” Lev fell into step beside her, not even bothering to look around and try to pretend he was focused on the hunting.

“That’s not allowed.”

“Try and stop me.”

“You’re a pain.”

“You- ugh.” Lev motioned indignantly at her. “You’re not even mad at me, you’re mad at myself.”

“I have nothing to be upset about,” Abby said through gritted teeth. “Pay attention, we need to find a deer or something.”

“You have plenty to be upset with yourself for! You’ve been in love with your best friends practically since you met them and now you’ve-“ Lev lowered his voice- “slept over-“

“Oh my god.”

“You did!”

“I’m not talking about this with you!”

“I’m monologuing!”

“No you aren’t!”

“Well if you would stop interrupting me!”

“Stop talking about my- what happened!”

“About how you stayed the night with them and haven’t spoken to them since?” Lev snorted. “Yeah, no way. I’ll drop this in five years, maybe.”

Abby didn’t bother responding, choosing to scan the forest around them instead. 

It had been a week, since… well. Since. And yeah, maybe Abby had snuck out in the morning. Maybe she hadn’t spoken to either of them since. But god, wasn’t that for the better? They would be satisfied, now. They probably didn’t want her, just what she could do for them.

No. No, that wasn’t true and she knew it. They wanted her. They wanted her and she left. Left the spot in their bed they had made for her, crept out of the room, left Ellie’s arm wrapped around a pillow instead of her waist, left Dina’s hand sleepily clutching at the sheets instead of her shirt.

She couldn’t go back.

“You’re hurting them,” Lev said, softer than he had been a moment ago. “You love them, and you’re hurting them.”

“Better than burying them.”

“Stop saying that! They’re not gonna die just because you love them, Abby! And don’t deny it, I know you do! You fucking love them!”

“Hey! Language!” Abby stopped in her tracks, weakly protesting. “Look, I know this doesn’t make sense to you, and I hope it never does, but sometimes that’s just how things are. That’s how to survive.”

“Aren’t we supposed to do more than survive?”

There was a fine line, Abby thought, between keeping yourself safe and discouraging your kid from developing healthily. She’d ask Joel for tips but she was pretty sure she’d burned that bridge a week ago when she kissed Ellie and then left her.

“Let’s just finish this.” Abby turned back down the path, looking resolutely at anything other than the angry kid beside her. Lev huffed but fell quiet, clearly sensing he wasn’t getting anything else out of her for the day.

She hated being short with him, but this wasn’t something she could budge on. This wasn’t one more chocolate bar, or staying the night at Kay’s house while she was on patrol. This wasn’t something she could be persuaded about.

No matter how much she wanted to be.

Abby had gotten rid of the alcohol in the house. She knew what a glass of whisky on a bad day could become, could turn her into, and if there was one area in her life where she could avoid spiraling downwards, she would take it. But fuck, if she didn’t regret giving it all to Maria. Maybe she’d ask for some wine back when they got home. Wine wouldn’t do much, and she hated the taste of it enough that she wouldn’t go overboard.

A crack rang out from beside her, and Abby whipped around to see Owen’s body, lifeless, blood pouring from his head, nearly unrecognizable from how it had been bashed in, and she felt a scream building in her throat-

She blinked and was suddenly looking at a snapped twig under Lev’s boot.

“You ok? Didn’t mean to startle you,” Lev said, reaching for her elbow. She let him guide her back into the present, taking the slightest bit of comfort in his presence before pulling away. 

“Fine, just jumpy.” It couldn’t have been real. Lev wasn’t there that night, when she had found… She had made him wait outside when she saw blood seeping through the crack in the door. He hadn’t seen it, and if he was here now, then it couldn’t have happened, couldn’t have been Owen’s corpse on the forest floor.

“Abby? You’re breathing kinda heavy.”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. C’mon, there’s a pack of deer that grazes up ahead sometimes.”

“I don’t think deer travel in packs.”

“Well, whatever the fuck they travel in, there’s usually some up ahead. Let’s make it quick.”

“Ok.” Lev seemed hesitant to go on as they walked, but he stuck by her side.

Maybe no wine later after all. Seemed like she was doing bad enough without the help.

God damn it. Fuck. Fuck. What was she doing? What the fuck was she doing? She could be with them, right now. Abby could be with Ellie and Dina, she could tell them everything and they’d hold her stupid fucking hands and kiss her stupid fucking forehead and they’d get it, they’d understand. They were the best part of her life, the best thing she never even thought to dream of, and she was where? Wandering around in the fucking forest? God, she missed them. And JJ, the kid that wasn’t her own, who she’d die for without question, without a moment of hesitation. What the fuck was she doing?

Abby turned to Lev, suddenly certain. They had to turn back, he had been right all along. Fuck, he had been right all along, and she could see the deer in the distance, a doe and a baby, but she had a home to get back to-

The shot rang through the air, and Lev looked up at Abby just as the red began to spread through his shirt, growing steadily like a puddle on an aquarium floor.

He wasn’t right after all, Abby thought dimly as the forest exploded into gunfire around her. She dropped to the ground, shielding Lev’s body with her own. From what she could tell, he had been shot just above the hip, on his left. She looked frantically to the side, scanning the trees for the culprit.

There. And there, and there. Shit.

“Fan out!” She heard a man bark. “They dropped down low, couldn’t have made it far. Don’t let them get away.”

Lev groaned from beneath her, and Abby carefully rolled them both under some bushes. 

There were two men off to her right, she could see them moving through the trees. They were moving farther away. Three to her left, two moving her way. The leader stood stationary, scanning the trees. 

Well, Abby thought, palming her gun. No way out but through. She crouched, staying hidden beside Lev in the bushes. He groaned again, tugging at her sleeve. She turned to him, and he pointed towards the path. Abby saw a bottle lying just to the side of it, and quickly reached out and snatched it from the ground. Lev shuddered as he reached into his pack, and Abby quietly pushed him back to lay on the ground. She reached into his bag and found a rag and a match. 

She looked at Lev to confirm, and he smiled weakly as he mimed lighting a Molotov and throwing it before pointing at the leader. Abby smiled back, but her face fell when Lev winced. She had to be quick.

If she could get the leader down and then the two men beside him, she could probably move quickly enough to get the other two without being pinned down. Abby closed her eyes for just a moment and took a breath.

And then she began.

The leader went down easier than she expected, or maybe her aim was just better than she had thought. At any rate, the Molotov cocktail was very effective. The two men beside him began to shout, trying to put him out, and Abby threw caution to the wind, standing straight up and shooting towards them as she moved to take cover behind another tree, trying to lead them away from Lev. From the cries of pain, she knew she had gotten at least one of them down, and the other may have been hit but was still standing. The two men that had been off in the other direction had taken notice and were turning back.

“Fuck,” Abby swore quietly. She ducked out and took another shot, nailing the surviving man from the group with the leader. She moved back behind the tree again, but wasn’t quick enough. She hissed as a bullet grazed her arm, blood immediately beginning to seep into her sleeve.

“Come the fuck out!” One of the men shouted. “Come on, you bastard!”

“You’re dead!” The other one continued, moving unknowingly towards Abby, who waited silently. “You’re so fucking dead!”

“You wish, fucker.” Abby lunged, grabbing the man by the shoulder and pulling him in. He struggled, landing a solid hit on her ribs, and Abby grunted as she felt at least one of them crack under his elbow. She managed to grapple him, finally putting him in a headlock and pulling back until she heard a loud snap and he slumped in her arms.

The other man cried out and rushed towards her, gun raised, and Abby fell to the ground, shooting up towards him blindly. She heard a grunt and then a thump as he fell, blood spreading on the ground beneath him. 

Abby stared, and for a moment his body was shaped like Ellie’s, but she shook her head and the vision faded. That wasn’t Ellie, and it never would be if she was around to do something about it. She could love them and keep them safe, she could do both. Fuck anyone who said different, and fuck the universe if it ever tried to take the loves of her life away from her.

Abby rushed over towards Lev, finding him just barely awake. He was pressing down on the wound at his hip, which, thank fucking christ, seemed like it would heal fairly well as long as she got him back to Jackson quickly. She hoisted him up into her arms and began to make her way back toward the path, gun still in hand just in case. 

Which became useless when she dropped it as she felt a sharp pain in the back of her calf, registering the sound of a gunshot half a second too late. Abby cried out, falling to the road and turning to see the burned leader of the group struggling to stand, smiling evilly as he aimed for her chest.

“Should have fucking made sure,” he called out. “Should have made damn sure I was dead before you turned your back on me.”

“Fuck you,” Abby responded through gritted teeth.

“Right back at you , you fucking animal. Time to put you down.”

Abby scrambled desperately for her own gun as the man raised his but couldn’t find it within reach-

The man let out a gurgling noise as a knife buried itself in his throat, clothing at it uselessly before falling to the ground.

Abby looked down to see Lev staring at the corpse with a startling intensity, arm still raised. “Gotcha, fucking bastard.” His eyes began to flutter, and his arm dropped. In that split second, he seemed almost intangible, Abby thought absurdly. Like if she reached out, her hand would pass through him, unfettered. His eyes slipped closed, and Abby-

Well, there wasn’t a word for what happened. Not a word for what hit her soul in that second like a freight train. She thought she may have screamed, or cried, but she couldn’t hear. She couldn’t feel. She only saw him. Time crashed to a halt as Lev sank to the ground, nearly motionless except for the slowing rise and fall of his chest.

No. No. It doesn’t end like that, does it? God, hasn’t she lost enough, hasn’t she fucking suffered, how dare they, how dare they try to take him form her, how dare they even think of it. Slowly but somehow all at once, grief morphed into something white-hot in Abby’s chest, and time roared back in to match the beating of her heart.

Lev was not dying here. Nobody was fucking dying on her again.

She gathered him in her arms and rose to her feet, clenching her jaw and ignoring the screaming of her calf beneath her weight. She began to limp, teeth gritted, down the path back towards Jackson. 

She had a home to get back to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be mad, it made much more sense for me to split it here then to have one incredibly long chapter where the tone totally changes halfway through. that being said, i hope you're happy to see more of this fic! chapter 4 is already being written and i'm hoping it won't be so long before i can update again. i hope you enjoyed this chapter and that you have a great day/night!

**Author's Note:**

> YES I know, this is wildly out of character for Abby, and kinda for everyone, but I live in the better timeline where TLOU II is about Ellie and Dina getting a muscly new girlfriend and nobody dies. I will not be apologizing, and if you want to be upset about it, I advise talking to someone who may apologize on my behalf, because as God has already discovered, I'm unrepentant. That being said, I hope you enjoyed this story and if you did, please leave a comment and a kudos! I thrive off of positive feedback! I know nobody asked for this, but my mind wouldn't let me work on anything else. Hoping to get the second part up soon, and as always, I hope you have a great day/night!


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